Vent

i constantly want to die but dont actually want to kill myself stuck in some kind of limbo between depression and suicidal https://thumbs.gfycat.com/SmoggySelfreliantElk-size_restricted.gif

I've been switching through emotions all day, mostly going through anger and being upset, letting my depression take a hold of me and force me to curl up in a corner until I fell asleep for a bit. It probably stems from the fact that there are so many people (here and anywhere else) that I want to have an actual conversation with, but I can't pull myself together to even really say hello. I grew up in a household where I was the kid put aside and wasn't shown half as much care or attention, which started blending in to how I interact with people, not trying to stick out to much or cause annoyance. That and the fact that my folks screwed me over emotionally and financially with stuff, forcing me to work for them since they decided to start a 'business' and pawn all the work to me, while it doesn't go anywhere. Mix that with the fact that it causes me to feel guilt and shame because I haven't been able to do what I want or have any proper success or varied interests, I feel I can't really connect with people very well even though I really really enjoy talking to people, even just a tiny little hello makes me feel better, but I have trouble initiating that. I really don't know where this is going, I've spent over an hour trying to figure out how to word this, and god damn am I exhausted.

This literally happened months ago and I'm still salty lol. So I went to McDonalds and ordered the Big Mac meal. The little shit in the drive thru window is talking to her friend and acting like she's doing me a favor by doing her job. Then at the next window some dumb bitch who clearly doesn't speak a word of english hands me a bag with a big dumb smile on her face. I get back to work and there's literally two orders of fries and two cookies in the bag. I was absolutely livid. Literally if I went to McDonalds and I paid for two fries and two cookies and got a complete Big Mac meal that belonged to someone else, wouldn't that be considered fucking theft? As far as I'm concerned those idiots fucking stole from me. I gave them like 10.50 and got maybe 6 bucks worth of food. I call the store and no one fucking picked up. I called three more times that night and nothing. I called the complaint and they just gave me the run around as per usual, "Oh we're sorry sir. What's your number, sir? When would be the best time to call you, sir?" Fucking cunts probably just put my number in their database to sell to advertisers. The next day I call the store and I get some braindead cooze on the phone telling me they can't do anything about it over the phone. I used my fucking credit card, you can't fucking cancel the sale? I can tell you exactly what time it was and what I ordered and I'm sure they can look that up too. And better yet they have security cameras so they could probably even verify that I didn't get the right food. And what the fuck if hypothetically I spent like 100 bucks there and I ended up only getting 20 dollars worth of shit and for whatever reason I could not come back to the place. Then I would just be out 80 fucking dollars? The very very very least they could have done is emailed me a coupon. I would have been totally satisfied. Instead they just jerked me around and swore up and down there was nothing they could do. Years ago a Pizza Hut delivery guy came to my house and waited like 30 seconds before leaving so I called and complained and the next day the owner personally called me to apologize and told me I could get my order for free. A few months ago QuickChek made my sandwich completely wrong so I called and again, they told me my next sandwich would be free. For the size and scope McDonald's is I can't believe they were so reluctant to give me any kind of compensation.

DONT TELL ME YOU DONT LIKE SWEETS AND THEN I COME BACK TO THE KITCHEN TO FIND YOUR CLAW MARKS ON MY MUFFINS YOU CLEARLY LIKE SWEET FOOD DONT FUCKING PICK AT MY FUCKING MUFFINS AND NOT FINISH IT THATS DISGUSTING FOR EVERYONE ELSE JEEZ