Vent

I can't stand being alone anymore. I'd rather be at work than at home these days. It keeps my mind busy and fo used. My last relationship tore me up pretty good when it ended about 6 months ago after 5 years. See, in all my previous relationships it was either abusive and toxic or I was replaced. I haven't talked to any of my friends from when I was younger because they either fucked me over one way or another or again, I was replaced. I've lost alot of family throughout my life as well. The reason I'm mentioning this is to give context as to why this losing her was so devastating to me. When we me she saved my life. I was getting to a point in my life where I didn't see a point in continuing and I didn't want to deal with my feelings of myself and everything else anymore. Then this girl came along and man she wanted ALL the smoke lmao. She helped me fight my demons, I helped her fight hers, we supported each other and did everything together. For 5 years I truely belived I finally have someone who will stay and who will love me. Because of her I was able to move ahead and find a good career and take care of myself and my life just started getting better. We had plans and goals for our future and it was going to be amazing. And then two weeks before she left me she started talking to this boy of Playstation that she never met before and didn't know. And within two weeks she left me for him. It only took him two weeks to make the last 5 years and our future not even matter to her anymore. To make me not matter to her anymore. But that's how it's always been for me. Past relationships, friends, family. Every time. I finally thought I had someone. I thought god or the universe whatever was finally letting me be happy. I still work hard every day and I'm still trying to move forward. But I feel myself sinking back into the hole I was in six years ago more and more every day and I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. Especially if it gets as bad as it was before because I doubt I'll get another angel to save me again. I try to make friends and go do things. I'm not really socially inept, I'm just scared of letting people in my life anymore. Anyway RANT OVER MWAHAHAHA THERE'S SOME NICE CRINGE JUICE FOR YALL xD

@juuzyfruit She was good to you in the past and helped you out of a dark times. But this time she did you wrong. We knows that relationships go 2 ways and shit happens. You will feel a bit better in the future, but right now it hurt very much. All of us who have been in a loving and trusting relationship that didn't go our way experienced this. There will be mornings where you wake up crying because your chest hurt so much you don't know how to stop it. I hope you don't live in the same space you guys spent your times together, it's nothing worse than sleeping alone in a place full of memories. Just remember pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. You've done a good job at describing and verbalizing your feelings onto sentences thus far, it's important to know that you're in the state of despair. So you can do something about it. There is only one thing I want to highlight; take charge of your happiness. No angel can save you. You only have yourself in the end, and you are the one who are responsible for yourself. People comes and go, you need to be selfish and put yourself first. That's the only way to survive, protecting yourself, physically and mentally. I've went through some stuff myself, therapy and medication helps, and from what you wrote about your state of mind right now there is noway you can go through this alone. Reach out to family or even a free chat services, hell, I even chatted with some bots online. And vent here. There are always peoples here to talk with. Please take care of yourself, remember to eat and try to sleep. Cry yourself to sleep is fine as long as you sleep. Take long shower, listen to sad songs, believe me, the more you let it out the more you feel better later. Don't hold it in. Mhmmm, and I can't stress this enough, watch some hentai. xD Here is a stupid quote: “I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.”― Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun. And here is a Ted talk, the video is nothing special, but you should watch it on youtube and scroll through the comments :) It helps. https://youtu.be/k0GQSJrpVhM

-reads- @hungrytired -stands- -slow claps- I know who I want with me at the bars depress hey buddy lets talk..when we are sad.

I'm depressed... My last and only hump buddy told me he has a gf now argh.. I'm all out of hump buds.... hump buds no more...... It's sooo depressing...... Argh... He was a reallllllllllly good one too omg.... I lost a really good man in bed... Argh he was one of the rare ones the rare ones... Argh.. argh dammit... My vagina is depress... Omg..... My hump buds all gone.... I know I'm being a lil bitch about it but it sucks I have to go back out there and get some more when I lost some really reallllllllllly good lovers.. ouch.... Ouch it might take me a while to get over this. Yup.. I'm gonna need a moment.

@choicemoonbee *Slides over an application*

*looks at you* can you last at least 4 hours? Heh just kidding *grabs application*thanks this tells me you been where I am at least once in your life. The time when you lose a good laid in bed forever gah.. ouch.. it hurts.