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The Use of Touch

MaiOtaku Forums > Relationship Advice > The Use of Touch
Nov 05, 17 at 12:29pm

Say that you're on a first or second date, and things are going well. You've reached the point where you would like make a physical gesture to show your interest in a special someone. What sort of move do you make without coming on too strong?

I'm wondering about this especially since I'm not a touchy person-- so in the past I've had to rely on the "stock" romance items such a flowers and candy hearts. Kinda feels like tossing hand grenades over Constantinople's wall and listening for the echo, just a tad awkward. Lacking in directness you might say.

So what do you think, would hand on rib or small of the back be good target areas on gals?

Fox Witch (she/her/vixen) commented on The Use of Touch
Fox Witch (she/her/vixen)
Nov 05, 17 at 10:13pm
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Nov 06, 17 at 11:30am

That's a good approach; I've actually encountered this "hug as handshake"-- it conveys warmth, as you have said. Though it might also mean that I have more investigating to do to find out what the other person's emotional intentions are.

You seem to have a very practical viewpoint regarding gifts! It sure would be nice if women around here were like that XD

Nov 06, 17 at 3:03pm

Depends on both of your comfort levels, if things are going great then a hug sounds fine, if its okay then a tap on the shoulder or something more formal sounds better.

Fox Witch (she/her/vixen) commented on The Use of Touch
Fox Witch (she/her/vixen)
Nov 06, 17 at 11:18pm
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Nov 11, 17 at 4:02pm

Such mature responses from everyone so far! Yeah, I just got done reading an Eric Weber book, where he mentioned the arm-touch; though he also talked about bumping knees in a turned-inward couch conversation, which was just way too cutesy for me. Anyhow, it's great hearing other impressions on how touch can be used in a practical way!

sab commented on The Use of Touch
Nov 11, 17 at 4:22pm

Why not trying to ask her! Hey do you mind if i hold your hand, put my arm around you or even give you a kiss? Not at the same time but as the situation arises.
It's real not hard, if the girl wants anything more most times she will take the lead from there because you already set the boundaries. and don't cross those boundaries unless she crosses them for you. This is where all trust in a relationship begin. getting touchy feely too soon will blow it for you.

LSP commented on The Use of Touch
Nov 11, 17 at 8:39pm

I agree with sab and would err on the side of caution with this. With so many scandals and sexual misconduct going on it pays to be safe. While people are dating and having a good time there could arise problems with miscommunication in signals and body languages. While it might kill the mood I would rather ask and get permission than overstep my bounds.

Nov 11, 17 at 9:25pm

first meet- a light handshake with a smile to introduce yourself.the arms area is best when just staring out. A Date -maybe bump knees or touch her feet with your feet when sitting close. If your walking through a crowd lightly touch het back to guide her where yall are going. If shes wearing a bracelet or watch complemented and ask if you can look at it then lightly grab her wrist to look at it. If yall get more friendly with each other Maybe poker her stomach while making a joke or messing with her. Wait for right time,dont rush, dont look at your hand wile going to touch,and dont think about it to much make it natural just go with your gut and make shure yall are enjoying yourselves and shes smiling. Overthinking about it will make things weirder.

Nov 11, 17 at 10:43pm

I also think hugs are a good way to go. I mean, they convey that physical touching is okay, and the awkwardness scales on what kinda hug you are giving so lighter hugs help with people who are more awkward about that stuff. I wouldn't say verbally asking permission is the way to go though. Like yes, you want consent, (especially as a guy) and you wanna set it up in a way where it becomes their choice to initiate it or not. But personally I recommend just leaving your arms wide open for a hug and letting her come to you for the first one. If she awkwardly leaves you hanging or turns you down, take it with a laugh.

I guess what I mean is "Invite her" rather than ask her. That way she still retains the power and the right to say "no" without having to interrogate her.

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