My night. Mistakes. My thoughts.

Forgive me if this doesn't go here. I just wanted to vent or express some thoughts I don't usually say..and it's just heavy on my mind I went to a 'friends' birthday at a round1 arcade. I only knew him. He introduced me to his 25+ friends and that was that. Later into the night alone I sit as him and all his friends gather around to drink, laugh, and celebrate..then there was me..The ghost friend he barely sees and we maybe hung out ...3 times? At mostly events, but this was no issue..I felt a sense of melancholy come over me, and a tint of happiness as I watched him while they sang happy b day to him. Why? I don't know. I wasn't depressed or anything. Seeing him I began to wonder what it was like to exist in those seconds, minutes, and hours. What he felt like and his thought process. Seeing him felt like a crude reminder from some divine being that has shown me countless times how small I really am and to some degree parts of life that I will never feel or see (Hence my user name) More so into the night- around closing time they began to hang out in the parking lot and said friend was tipsy and he greeted me as I left the building. I smiled and paid my respects to him. As I began to make my way into the night- the crowd seemed to have gotten bigger and someone pulled their car around to play music. all of this seemed muffled to me do to the fact I was in my own head. Heading to my car I noticed my breath in the cold air. Seeing this I was a bit happier..as I watched it go up and I seen the stars...all I could say to myself was "I get it..okay?..you don't have to keep showing me..you win" Sorry if there are any typos I'm writing this on some weird device..lol.

Same. I have a twin brother who has a much more vibrant social life than I do, so whenever his friends wanted to hang out, I couldn't help but feel like the outsider looking in. I've kinda gotten over that as I ended up making more friends myself in those HVZ games I always talk about. Its kinda fun having that one corner of the world where I can go twice a year and be recognized as "The badass in the trench coat that you want to be around, since he keeps you alive, and is friends with the mods and all the strike team leaders", and return home to be "The other twin." But I kinda like it like that. Honestly, the only things I can suggest: 1: Just get out of there and don't beat yourself up over it. 2: Use the opportunity to make more friends, expand your own circle of influence, and make some memories with them. (This option comes with more trial and error.)

I know that feel. Been through that since both general education and college. I was a loner pretty much but when I sit somewhere on campus during break, I see people walking by with their friends, laughing.

"You don't need to make a hundred friends. Just make real friends that you care about a hundred times as much. Even if you only have one, so long as they’re a friend you really care about." - Boku wa Tomodachi wa Sukunai / "I Don't Have Many Friends" Black weebs are some of the coolest people I know. I think you'll make friends. You might just need to find a new crowd to hang out with or something.

I guess I understand where you're coming from. When I was a kid in school, I was such a loner. I didn't really hang out with anyone my age until the 7th or 8th grade when I finally got a group of friends that made me feel like I existed. Now I just have a few really good friends I can call my "bros". Making friends is a weird and perhaps scary process for some people. However, once you have a few really close friends, you realise that they're enough.