Random thoughts...

Life is lonely.

In what sense? I'm asking legit questions, though not being direct. I'm curious about perspectives and I also think it should be taken as rhetorical so as to get one to truly look inward and figure out why they say what they say and what it truly means for them. Loneliness is multifaceted and as such, it's not a catch all. However, that's just in my case and my opinion. I feel that true loneliness is something that can hardly be described and infact, that's even been said what hell really is, loneliness beyond comprehension and compare. Life is lonely for me in many aspects, too. For instance, I've socially isolated myself to the point that I've not a single friend nor do I believe, aside from the woman that I love(And my son, which my ex would at least try to contact me, maybe not find.lol) I'd be found for weeks if I were to die. I've had this weight on my very being for decades and as of late I've grown a bit numb to the loneliness, but I'm still aware of it's presence. Is it odd that this loneliness has become sort of a friend? While I'm not fond if it, I'm not entirely sure how to truly function without it. Anywho... Life goes on and it cares not how you feel, only what you make of it...or something.

Loneliness is a void, an absence that takes up too much space. It is silence that grows loud, filling the room with echoes of what isn’t there. It presses in like deep water, weighty and endless, making every breath feel borrowed. It suffocates because it isolates—not just from others but from yourself. Without connection, your thoughts become the only voices, looping in endless circles, stretching moments into lifetimes. There is no hand to anchor you, no voice to remind you that you exist beyond your own mind. Loneliness is nothingness, but not the peaceful kind. It is an aching, hollow vastness, a hunger that has forgotten what it craves.

Hit the nail on the head for me... "A hunger that has forgotten what it craves.". Very succinct. Made me have a brief epiphany. Maybe... I don't know anymore. It's been a minute since I've actually delved into myself, since at a certain point I just ignored it and lived life on autopilot. Now onto the why... That one need not be said. But, mine is a mix of things. Clinical depression is a bitch, though I count my blessings as it's not been debilitating as I've seen with others. Still, it's been such a huge hindrance in life. ADHD has been a bitch, too.lol I wish it was fun like you see on reels, all goofy and airheaded shit.lol It most certainly is not. However, I truly hate placing blame on any particular label, even though those labels do help give some semblance of reason. Anyways... I hope that was just a descriptor and not what you're dealing with, but thanks for sharing @verucassault

Oh thank God sweet release! I shot some stuff into concrete at work and had these fuckers in my left eye all day!

I suppose that's less ideal than my current situation of trying to change a flat, having the jack slip, then having the jack just decide "You know what? Fuck this! Imma break, biiiitch!!!". So, currently waiting on a tow truck just to lift the car so I can put a damn spare on for the low price of $95 and the eventual replacement of said tire. Good thing it's only freezing rain and snow, because I'd hate to be dry and warm on a sunny day... Meh... Still ain't concrete in the eye. Edit: I need a drink and a cigarette... Life, am I right? Aha...

Man I'm just constantly tired. That and lower back pain that is a constant. Good thing I'm on PTO for half the month.