Random thoughts...

Have not looked at social media from my old friends in awhile and got a little sad, because my supposed, "self proclaimed bestie" is constantly posting stories with her going out drinking alot of alcohol. She ghosted my ass for about 3 months. So idk why I tried reaching out saying hi and let's talk again. Also said she could have checked on me at least twice the whole 3 months. Nothing from her since. Then my guy best friend stopped wearing his mask altogether in public (which worries me to wanna go around him anymore until the whole pandemic is over), and his new girlfriend he met has me all jealous because they are taking family pictures together and I always wanted to do that one day. It makes me hate myself more because I cannot live such an eventful life rn and focus on working to provide for my family. No one at work thinks of me romantically and it's a grocery store. So no one really should. I'm just upset comparing my life progress to someone like him.

@solid_snake95 you should never hate yourself for something you cant do. that's not fair to yourself. i feel bad for the young generation for losing an entire year of there young life because of this virus, but good for you for keeping yourself and those around you safe. hopefully you'll be vaccinated sooner rather than later and you can get out there and try and reclaim some lost time i understand the feeling of your friends leaving you behind, but people grow at their own pace. 25 is still young, you still have so much ahead on the road for you that you have no idea about. your a good guy, you'll find a gal that's right for you and you'll be right for her. out of the billions of people on this planet, you'll find one of the thousands that are perfect for you. sorry if this wasn't helpful, I'm not very good at encouragement, but i just wanted to give it a try. things will get better though. its always darkest before the dawn

@solid_snake95 Words of wisdom to live by, I know I should do the same.... Never and I repeat NEVER compare lives. We all go through different events, process things differently and end up with different lives. What may seem green from the outside often takes A LOT OF WORK to maintain and it does not make the other better for it. Life is not about a timeline of "I should've by now." it's about who you are and who you choose to become. Through pain comes either regret/self pity or the most beautiful of things. The choice is yours and no one else's. When you find that beauty (It's probably a lot closer than you think.), you'll awake from your slumber and be glad for the suffering that made you a better person. Envy is never a good thing. I'd wager there are those that'd envy you, whether or not you see it. So, you can use the things you see to destroy or you can build from them to become a become of hope for those who are yet asleep.

I have no idea when im getting my tax return. But i hope i at least get a stimmy check. If i miss out on both thats gonna be crazy. I need to buy a go pro hero 9 and some new clothes.