Hiring kohais (their can only be one) (fight!)

Boredom ensues at work where I'm stuck listening to my talkative coworkers which makes me want to cut my ears off and throw it at them. I need someone of similar tastes to keep me from doing this. Or at least laugh when it comes down to throwing said ears.

Did I ever tell you how I got this watch? I was stationed in France, and the thing about being stationed in France is, they don't tell you ahead of time about being stationed in France. So you have no clue what people are saying or how to say anything to them. Now one day I'm on the métro and there's this nice looking watch sitting there on an empty seat. I'm like, if it was important to anyone then they wouldn't leave it laying around. I get to the station and this stranger approaches me out of the blue. So he says to me, "That ain't your watch." So I says to him, "I found it, so it makes it my watch." So we go back and forth in our limited knowledge of each others language, but he can't produce any evidence of ownership. Apparently the watch was an important piece for a client of his and they assumed he stole it because he never returned it. He ended up in prison for life, and I'm still wearing the watch- *falls asleep*