Love (Instant or Earned)?

i fall in love way too easy XD it has its negative effects but i usually wait for things to happen people who go out trying to find love are usually the desperate ones that want girlfriends/boyfriends no matter what and doesnt care who it is as long as they can say thats their gf/bf....there are alot of them here but i wont say any names

I personally agree with yaasshat. A tier-like system makes sense to me. It's just a tier-like system with lots of pitfalls. Misconceptions and miscommunication are probably at the top of the culprit list. Any further thoughts on the matter anyone? I don't want to give off the impression that I control this thread lol.

I personally believe Love comes in many forms and can take different shapes trough out a relationship...

I think it's both. You can't just fall head over heels for someone and expect the same from them if you've just met, you gotta earn it from them. Sure, you might feel attracted but if they aren't then you're not going anywhere. You gotta have balance, like all things. If you both like each other, I'd say take it slow to see if it's right for both partners. Test the waters. You don't want it to end in ruin because you went to fast.

Shae, you are so right about the moving fast thing. But it is so difficult not to because I live in the future 24/7. Maybe it's immaturity on my part or a result of living in an industrialized country you know? Many aspects of our lives are on the "how much, how quickly" mentality bullet train.

Being on a vicious hunt for love is pointless and you'll realize you're just chasing nothing but incorporeal shadows in the end, while confining yourself to one place hoping someone will eventually come jumping into your arms is also an unhealthy mindset when it comes to the search for love because whichever method you take - one is trying too hard and the other is not trying hard enough. You need to strike a balance of the hunt and the wait. Getting outdoors or searching online to find an ideal person is a good way to start, but I see a lot of people jumping on the first person they are attracted to and really try to rush things for the sake of love or even just for sex, unaware that the other person is really uncomfortable with the situation and they'll end up turned off by that kind of behavior and that's a matter if whether they ever thought of you that way in the first place. For me, I find that when it comes to searching for love it's a huge roll of the dice - I may find someone I'm interested in and who's interested in me but once you found someone you want to go for, you need a steady pace for both you and the other person. Not too fast that they'll feel uncomfortable, but not too slow that they'll get the feeling you aren't interested. Pace, timing and luck is what it mostly comes down to. The rest after that is up to you, from acquaintances to friends to more than friends to lovers and eventually so much more. There's interest at first sight absolutely, but I don't think there's love at first sight. Although as far as relationships go, it's a delicate procedure and even small things can end a relationship just like that, so both partners need to work together to maintain the relationship to work out for the best in the grand scheme of things for healthy, long-lasting love. So in the end, I believe that love must be earned even in the face of sheer inequity that life throws at us, as feelings grow over time and as long as both people take the right steps in the right direction then things will all work out in the end. You just have to remember your part in the process and to stick with it.

I think you are right about that InfernalMonsoon. What you are suggesting though requires immense self control and effort. Very very few people will be able to do this. I think practicing empathy and expanding your awareness of other perspectives is a different way to approach it. Exersise consideration for others feelings and look for a compromise if possible. This allows for a more auto pilot strategy.

Chemistry is an interesting thing. Depending on who that person is, and what attracts you to them the fall can be gradual, or it can be a grand pitfall. It is hard to classify why it is so different, but it is easy to see why some people, men and women alike, fall for "bad" personality types. The fall is grand, it is massive...and it just whisks you off your feet. The idea that "nice guys finish last" should really be changed to "nice people finish last" and it should refer to the gradual growth of a more wholesome and well developed love when compared to the love we feel for those with a more passionate based chemistry.

I think it's a little of both. I think you'll know when it happens, but sometimes it's just a "glitch" so it should be waited on until you know for sure that it's love. As far as receiving love, I think if you initiate the relationship it should be earned.