Why don't any of you join the Catholic Church?

Almost got laid on a trip to visit the Pope in Colorado in '94. If I wasn't so shy... I've been to Isreal too.

^Did the Pope decline or did you? *snicker*

I was raised Catholic and went so far as to complete my First Communion rites so I can get that tasteless little wafer in my mouth at mass. I live next to a church, and participated in its choir for a while until I got kicked out for fighting. A certain member of the church also ruined me in fourth grade, so fuck the church now for giving me fear of the dark and being alone and vulnerable, and for facilitating that incident in my young life. I do not partake in bullshit rites anymore, but that doesn't mean I am not living a life of good.

The only way to salvation is through Jesus Christ and the Church. I have devoted my life into becoming a paladin of righteousness. I fight heretics (Protestants and Orthodox Christians), Heathens (Muslims and Jews), Pagans (Hindus, Wiccans, and Buddhists), and scum-sucking, ignorant Atheist Pig-Sows on a regular basis. Just kidding What, did you think I was Alexander Anderson?

Yes, I do. Oddly enough, I am currently a Halfling Rogue named "The Highwayman" (an Over The Garden Wall reference), a Captain of an Assassin's Guild who dresses like a burglar when undercover. I have a Plus-1 Shortbow with silvered arrows, two short swords and two rapiers.