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Is this wrong?

saita
Apr 15, 14 at 1:42pm
I'm not going to go into an hour long rant. So important details will be left out, and i'll probably be misunderstood. But I used to be friends with someone many years ago online on a game. Eventually we became enemies, and we argued/insulted each other daily, it was almost comedic at first and we both enjoyed the conflict. Eventually I took things too far, and I guess I became something of a bully? It's been a few years since those days, and we haven't spoken. Getting on good terms with her again is no longer possible. What is your opinion on me "Meeting her for the first time" again? I don't have the need for a fake name, and I wouldn't be lying about anything or myself. (Except for the fact that i'm someone she used to know, a secret i'll have to live with.) Is this wrong to do in your opinion? I'm NOT trying to be a dishonest person. But a lot of strange things keep happening the past year and a half, and it's like we're meant to be in contact for some reason. I plan to befriend her again/hide my former identity and keep the past in the past. Redemption in her eyes is impossible. This is my only option if anything. Is it so wrong to lie about the past, even if it's for the benefit of that person? I just want to be a good friend to her, She doesn't have many people in her life. I'd like everyones opinion.
toe
toe @toe commented on Is this wrong?
Apr 15, 14 at 2:03pm
Well, think of it like this: It's better to be honest about these things instead of not especially since in this case it sounds more like you'd be lying to her more for your benefit over hers. If you guys used to know each other just pretending the past didn't happen is still going to affect, at the very least, you yourself. It's also been a few years and people do change and I think in this situation it's better to be honest about who you are and at the very least apologize for what has happened but also explain how you'd like to at least be able to maybe talk again and be friends. And, at this point if she still doesn't want to talk then you just have to respect her opinion. Remember, if you lie about this and she finds out it only makes it that much worse and, let's be honest, no one likes being lied to especially when it comes to stuff like this. Edit: To address whether this is right or wrong there is no correct answer and you should do what you feel is right even if others may not agree with the actions.
vampire_neko
I agree, it's better to tell the truth and apologize than to lie and get caught if you value the person.
jikokunseviltwin
This account has been suspended.
missallyesterday
Oddly enough I agree with all the responses here. If you have to ask, "is this wrong?" It probably is. Just express your regret to her from the past, tell her you'd like another chance to be her friend. People change.
saita
. @saita commented on Is this wrong?
Apr 16, 14 at 6:32pm
I guess in some ways it is morally "wrong", but it's a complicated situation. My chances of properly apologizing/possibly earning her forgiveness, has been ruined by a third party, which in itself is also my fault. Because I have a big mouth sometimes. But a lot of weird things keep happening, that are drawing us both closer to each other. I'm not sure if any of you believe in stuff like "fate", but I do. This problem of mine and conflicting thoughts on whether I want to do this or not, was never a thought of mine until a chain of events started happening last year, it's almost like we need to be in contact again for some reason. That's why i'm making a big deal out of this, instead of just dropping it. But part of me doesn't want to bring anymore potential harm to her, by going through with my idea and hiding the past. It's like toe said in this comment, I should just respect her opinion. But, eh, too many random chain of events are keeping me from making definite choice.
metaljester
Apr 16, 14 at 7:27pm
Hmm I think I will add my view on the matter. This really depends lying is morally wrong but is that what you are after. Is it correct to tell her the truth even though it may set off a chain of events in which could only worsen said problem. Or is it more harmful to lie to her. Could you meet in the middle and take the best of both choices. It all depends tread carefully. Go by how she presently has been and react the best way you think would cause less problems and conflict. My answer remain hidden about who you are at the same time evaluate how she reacts and if it seems like she has changed then tell her in a considerate way why you did this revealing yourself to her. If not then hide the identity and simply see how things go from there. While you could stay like that there is a possibility she would find out eventually so its all up to you. Sorry if it wasn't that informative I'm at work but hopefully my input provides some form of help choosing.
alexislynn
I would say that you should go about getting to know her again and then confess as to who you are, but do not wait to long for this. Say that you wanted to prove that you had changed and apologize. Also address the fact that you know she might not want to talk to you again, and although this would sadden you as you wanted to repair your relationship together, you understand that the past cannot always be overcome.
saita
. @saita commented on Is this wrong?
Apr 16, 14 at 11:53pm
@Alexis That was one of the exact same things I had considered doing maybe. Still pretty conflicted on what i'm going to do, if anything. Blah. Thank you for the input.
vampire_neko
I think Alexis has the best worded advice, totally agree.
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