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kol_aspirant

Rennik Sadorn

27 year old Male
Single
Last online about 1 month ago
Plymouth (Devon), United Kingdom
kol_aspirant
I decided yet again to ramble - again, since I feel like I've got little to nothing better to do. Before I begin, a 'news update' on what I've been up to on Destiny 2: -Got Thorn thanks to my Clan helping me. Now, onto the first 'article' of my rambling today: Social media sites like FB, Twitter, etc... to me are a source of procrastination and unpositive emotional energy as of this last week in the continuing pandemic - being also used as a shield for known governing bodies to commit changes that will likely violate many rights, and nobody would bat an eye - save for the ones protesting in large numbers about the rights of those of us with darker tones of the skin, which I can understand and, if I had actual power armour, would've considered supporting on the grounds of a universal human living standard being in need of reinforcement. I could go on a tangent from there regarding using prefabs and glasshouses and tents in conjunction to create comfortable inexpensive residence, but it would replace any other information I'd have on my mind as of now. Secondly, some better news. I've occasionally been trying to keep up-to-date with a number of manga and novels I read on Mangakakalot and Wattpad. This is one of them. If the image of it is displaced, I blame formatting. https://mangakakalot.com/read-cw3zk158504851642 Thirdly, regarding my own mental wellbeing: Nature's on the offensive again, wracking my logical mind with demands for a physical companion of the opposite sex when such a thing is technically 'not recommended' for obvious reasons. However, nature's raw strength and sheer power on it's own is actually managing a fighting chance against my own will wanting to wait it out. And it's caused me to be more spongy regarding emotions - which I've encountered before, but... not like this. Not only that, but my 'fantasy' regarding the ideal other is getting crazier. Me not minding her (if she even exists, and my logic is yelling 'no, they only exist in fiction!', while my hypothetical sector is proposing that it's still viable for-) sneaking into the home at absurd hours in ninja-silence, likely via my window, which I left open for clean air reasons despite the cold temperature currently. I still deem myself relatively sane/sound of mind. But not of body. Very. Certainly. Not. The worst part? No cure~ (for this mental thing)! Yay! (Wait no!) [DOOM Revenant shriek noise]. Nutshell: -Got an Exotic in Destiny 2. Tried it in Sorrow's Harbor, Gambit, and a bit of Crucible. Keeping it on my Warlock. -Social media sites aren't the best place to look for stuff to warm up your heart right now. Look back at that cute black-and-green anime-style girl I found earlier. -Hormones/nature/libido on the 'need mate' mode again and it's frustrating my logic, will, and conscience with how difficult it is to hush (every time).
kol_aspirant
So I decided of the spur of the present to write another idle rambling. Topics I'll skitter over: Dating sites and my experience so far, The System, NPCs IRL (subject to interpretation). Dating sites etc... -So far, I've managed to find one. ONE person who actively reciprocates my messages. Details available on request, some info will be withheld for their safety and mine. -Anyone ever get frustrated when someone upvotes you and doesn't even bother reading your profile? It's no different from upvoting a YouTube vid without watching it at all, or a post anywhere without reading it's contents! Why do people not consider the blurb when they observe a book nowadays?! -Lots of dead/derelict/'ghost'/bot profiles. I will tell you what sites if you ask me about them. The System, the current political power, etc... -Are a complete mess, circa 199X. -Continue to lie to the public and get away with it. -Makes me wish I was actually Rennik Sadorn himself about 20% of the time. (Then again, the character of Rennik Sadorn has a Band of Misfits which amounts to a divergence from your ordinary 'harem Isekai anime' concept because of me having played games like World of Warcraft back during Burning Crusade/WoTLK). -Sure, you can let a human in to fix your [inanimate], but for [mental/natural relief/relationship progression]? Not at all. Funniest bit is they can't actually enforce this as a law, and it no doubt violates a number of rights. -Is slow to enforce lockdown and is now giving mixed messages (public gatherings of up to 6 outdoors while maintaining distance; schools re-opening, and yet you can't invite a friend to your place (see above)). NPCs IRL. -The public in general seems to be like this, but that's my cruel observation, and I yearn for it to be disproven with long-term good ocurrences. I wish I could be wrong, but they're more concerned about getting crumpets of all things to the top 10 on Twitter. Sure, it's amusing and made me laugh for the better half of 5 seconds, but does it fix anything? Summary: In addition to social media giving more, generally speaking, '2012-level' of end-of-the-world-sounding content, all of this really drives home a feeling of - while I'm used to this because I game and read manga digitally and watch anime online, etc... Well, it just feels a bit lonely. Sure, I have family here, but it's not the same as someone who's unrelated to me and could develop into a significant other - or even realize that lucid dream, and other absurd notions, I have rambled about prior. This was written on a PC during a moment where I thought 'nothing better to do, better ramble since at least one person reads this and might find some amusement therein?'. But seriously. A number of governing bodies need a rigid and strongwilled 'overseer committee' to ensure people don't make the mistakes of the likes of the meme'd/'popular' [Devilled Shrimp] and [Boring Jokes-on] (for examples) and actually focus on the reason a governing body is a governing body: To serve as a conflux, a voice, of the will of the people. Not for their own agenda. Not for their own plans, unless those coincide with what the people want. Which leads to a new tangent: My idea for a governing system. In a future that could be but hasn't been, should be but is being repressed, etc... ...This is the system. Instead of voting for a faction and settling for half of what you want because politics, you'd be able to cast a vote to a long list of things. There would be several lists, handed separately: -Spending. The total votes gleaned will influence the distribution of available resources. This includes currency. -Laws. The votes will influence what laws may be considered at the time. It would be publicized what laws are being considered, what the laws do, how those laws were made, etc... -Actions. The votes here influence what takes priority, and would constrict what the government can do down to what the majority votes offer. War will only be on the list if reasoning is impossible, and in this world, reasoning is always possible. For the most part. These three vote-lists would be cycled through until an individual has voted on all three. Ideally, this voting system would occur four times a year, allowing the public to change their mind on any action being taken, and proactively influence the government in a way that is more effective than words, and more negotiable than having factions like it is now since you won't have a 'cult of personality' problem. I apologize for this politically-deviated ramble, but it was what was on my mind. I hope you found it of interest, o' reader mine~.
kol_aspirant
In other news, on Destiny 2, Xbox One, I'm working on saving up my bounties for when the next season arrives and trying to get some Pinnacles I should've started working on sooner, as I've finally dealt with that season pass because I rejoined it about 25 days ago having now-regrettably missed Season of Dawn. As for Warframe, waiting for Deadlock Protocol while doing the Nightwave weekly bounties, having currently forewent trying to suss out 'the Glassmaker' mystery. I'll be going to sleep now. An upvote is the only indicator that I know there -is- an audience. I deem that 'satisfying knowledge', but I will (hopefully) not fall prey to the 'upvote addiction', as that's no different from having a currency one cannot use.
kol_aspirant
I've been thinking about that ideology - of what amounts to a combination of an analytical, 'energetic' (in the mind), thicc (subject to interpretation, generalization on my own terms would suggest 'bigger is better'), weeb, gamer, stalker(ish) female (who would be potential waifu material) - and it continues to endanger my resilient logical thinking with lewd imagery. I'll elaborate, as I seem to have nothing better to do at the moment beside gaming, trying to find work that can be done at home in the long run, and skimming dating sites in search of [her] (if [she] exists). Analytical - being a deep thinker or unintentionally overthinking what some view as trivial subjects. 'Energetic' (mentally) - coincides with creativity - is the sort that enjoys suggestive content and is seeking someone they can trust to fix that? Thicc - the physique could be any shape they want, so long as they're fine with it, and are willing to cuddle. A lot. Weeb - what it says on the label. Gamer - see also: me. Stalker(ish) - actually bothers to look up Koldraxon as to try and find out more about the person who's writing this stuff. The danger about thinking about things of the lewder variety: My rational, logical mind had already been preyed upon by 'culture' enough in subtle doses for me to fall into it's incredible softness two years ago. I have been that fool who tried to ask every thicc-shaped female I deemed 'within reason' at least three times against my own will - and how?! How did that happen? Hormones, libido, human nature - it drives me to want physical, mental contact and it's painful. Why's it painful? It's been left to fester and gnaw at me like it was for the better half of at least five years while I tried my best to prioritize what I thought was essential, while also trying to sedate that. And so far, every effort I have allowed to transpire, has failed. 1: more pillows. Failed. Addition of two pillows. 2: replace plushies with pillows. Failed. Removed plushies due to deeming them 'too childish'. 2a: more pillows?! Failed. Added 2 more pillowos. 2b: blank bodypillow. Partial failure. Didn't feel soft enough. 3: Dakimakura. Partial success. Also seems haunted by a loving [conceptual-type lifeform?] which yearns for a physical body and has a habit of 'stealing' my means of speech to utter 'ara~ ara~'. I don't mind, but she's not strong enough to get physical - she can get visual though, but seems to enjoy being lazy with it. Identifies with the lucid-dream figure of M'lilane Nokka. 4: [REDACTED]. ...'Failed'. I will not speak of this until I feel that the recipient of this information is not going to spread the information without my consent and a series of conditions that must be met. At this rate I may consider investing in robotics on the condition of having an IRL (soft) android waifu because the real females are 1: already taken, 2: fictitious (in terms of whether they were real or not in my eyes) or 3: not here, and given that those reasons are rather extreme even to me, who wrote them, I'm sure you're starting to see the problem. And no, I do not think generic therapy will do any good as it'd be the same therapy as the many-phrased 'you'll find the one for sure!' spiel. If you didn't enjoy reading this, I understand, but sometimes I need to vent like this, or rather, I should've thought about posting such things years ago anonymous(ish)ly like this... But back then I thought I was capable of dealing with this internally. "Clearly things have gotten out of hand, yes." - Dr. S. Hayden.
kol_aspirant
...Thought I'd put this here because I don't post much of anything at the moment except the occasional comment, and that I've barely redistributed this. If this comes off as 'erotic/lewd' or 'too personal', I apologise in advance. Firstly, I'll start with something interesting. // I vividly recall having 'visions' of playing Crysis 3, Warframe, and several other games/places I may've encountered already. These weren't explicitly lucid dreams, but were almost recorded cuts from my mind. There may've been glimpses of World of Warcraft, Mass Effect Andromeda, Anthem, and Destiny among them, but I do not recall those at the moment - might remember when I encounter a specific moment again? The 'visions': Crysis 3: The 'labyrinth' section, deep underground before the Alpha Ceph fight. Warframe: That one Grineer Galleon/Asteroid_Base tile with the furnaces and catwalks, has elevated lockers. I feel that I may've also seen more aswell, but currently do not recall. The second thing. // One night before sleeping a few months back (or more, unclear), I was visited by half-sleep images of what most people would describe as gruesome, horrid visages of flesh at the red meat level and tendons being ripped and torn. I tried to deter the imagery, but it refused to abide my conscious will to see... other stuff. It did not faze me. Found that strange. Even as I recall it, it does not faze me. Having been exposed to DOOM (Eternal) gameplay may be a reason. The third thing. // While on holiday to Milan once: A solid, well-recalled lucid dream occurred. Caution: is very lewd, no way around it. It took place in my room as it is now (room is largest, rectangular, upstairs; bed to right of a gaming PC and flash-lined to the wall, door beside leftways to the PC, beside it be a shelf, a display case... Opposite side of the gaming PC is the main window, silvery blinds - important). I felt, heard, saw in this dream. I was laying on my bed at an angle so that the window was in view - light was pouring in, scene was blurry. A shadowy figure, super thicc stacked build (of the 'big, thicc, cuddly female' variety) was laughing, hips pinning my pelvis down. Needless to say, I was enthralled by that experience, and dubbed that figure 'M'ilane Nokka' - a sort of 'muse of the night'. Still recall the encounter vividly. In terms of spirituality, I've come to the presumption that on that front, my V-card was taken by that entity. 'Un'fortunately I still have the physical V-card, and hormones/libido/nature continues to do terrible things to my once rational, logical mind amidst an internal background/passive conflict - which may be why you're reading any of this. I assure you I am still rational. Anyway, I have attached an image of the 'shadowy figure' based on my minimal effort using the anime artstyle to recreate her visage to physique accuracy - whether it holds true or not, I won't know until another event of the same caliber transpires - in the hopes that you, (un)fortunate reader, may find this insightful. I again apologise for burning your eyes with such personal information, but I have a fourth thing to add. // It's a fantasy about how [an ideal other] would find me. Not the typical way around, I know, but that's how I imagine it should be. What I'm about to say stems from ideas you may see portrayed in some content already and may come off as scary to some. If it does somehow come to pass after typing this I'll let you know how I fared. -She comes across, say, a dating profile of mine on a dating site, and uses the information there to find me digitally, and starts to speak of things she knows I would know well. -She ends up revealing her attraction/interest in me and provides some proof of existence content (as in, stuff that proves [she] is real. -I confirm my existence and welcome her attraction. -She somehow finds out where I live, and, (as of writing: despite lockdown), sneaks over with enough items to essentially settle in. -'Deep connections' are made. Of the wholesome and lewd variety. If you want more about this crazy idea, you'll have to ask. It feels (as of writing: I don't seem to be feeling much emotion) embarrassing to put all of this out here. // Anyway, that 'rough visual' of M'lilane Nokka I was on about (warning: contains THICC waifu material). https://www.deviantart.com/koldraxon/art/A-loose-interpretation-of-M-lilane-Nokka-2-843863333
kol_aspirant
Found -this- ol' thing I remember with bizarre fondness. Here. Consume it. https://youtu.be/dMapmlUwerw Also, not sure if I did share this before, but this... This is just... You'll understand when you see it. https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1636726-bionicle
kol_aspirant
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A glimpse over the Wall spawn of the Fictitious Planes cannot surpass, to behold the truth of one's appearance. Edited in MS PowerPoint. Will not post any more of these unless there's an actual interest.
kol_aspirant
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All of these are from TWDNE because... I don't know. Content and a semblance of vague consistency for this profile, I suppose? That aside, -almost- completed another run of Eater of Worlds (Destiny 2). It's now 03:16. Cue classic Windows error sound.
kol_aspirant
Correction to most recent post (see below): Cropped pics appeared on top of post. #FormattingInconveniences.
kol_aspirant
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So, I decided to put up a Tinder account. Second time doing that, but have more pics and a better bio. Might copy-paste that over here if there's enough interest in me in that regard? And now for a random, unscheduled post of TWDNE pictures, despite my declaration of not doing so, just because I stumbled on a working instance of TWDNE. https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-73385.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-7921.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-76016.jpg https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-85936.jpg - Cute face photobomb. https://www.thiswaifudoesnotexist.net/example-94698.jpg With cropped versions:
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