kitkat98

(9:28 PM Thu.) I had a random thought/revelation when having a conversation with my older sisters about something. At some point my eldest sister brought up how out of the three of us, I'm the most considered a 'girly-girl', and how when I was younger I naturally gravitated towards makeup, pretty dresses and even lotions/perfumes. We started laughing cause I hated whenever someone ruined my clothes or even smeared the chapstick I was wearing, all because I liked the way those things I liked made me feel even prettier. I guess I just realized somewhere along the way I...not lost interest in those things per se, but that at some point I think I grew insecure about myself and didn't partake in the things that made me feel pretty (not that I NEED them to be pretty, but you understand). I ended up speaking very lowly of myself and my physical appearance, always shying away from those pretty things because I claimed I wasn't "pretty enough for them." I couldn't find the thread for it, but I know I posted in a thread about things you want to work on about yourself (or something along those lines) that I wish to love myself more. I think in some ways, I still have that mindset about myself, and not in a normal 'I think I could change this thing about myself' way, but to purposely be mean to me. Now that I've pondered on such thoughts, I hope to truly change that aspect of my speech and inner dialogue towards myself...cause...I deserve the love I try and share with everyone I come across to be extended towards me too. I'd hate to be a hypocrite, especially as I always tell people to think positively and be more soft on themselves when I didn't and don't do the same. You all are beautiful and I love you so much. :') ❤️