Confessions

I'm kind of depressed because I'm childish and can't spend my only shared off day talking with my girlfriend anymore than any other day : (

I confess that idk where i will be before i reach the age of 21 XD right now i have no life and my 19th birthday is in 22 more days

I confess I'm inclined to go die in a corner somewhere. I've been feeling mentally awful for a couple of days now. Can't really sleep either. Blergh. So yeah. Smile and push forward to the next day.

Guys, you don't have to be happy all the time. There's not a law about that. Just feel crappy once in a while, but just keep in mind that eventually small things have the ability to make you happy again

I confess that since I'm the first born of my generation in my family I've almost always felt that I was born with the enough talent to fight for my family and take control of it eventually. I was the best in everything, school, whatever. So my sisters weren't always as lucky as me in some things but then I had my break down during 7 years without any motivation to do shit, to study, to do anything so my grades went down, I was still good just not the best since I didn't ever study still, I guess sometimes you're born with a good learning retentive so when I got to college I regretted it because my chances to enter medicine school were obviously hindered. Results that after some exams I wasn't mentally suited to take on medicine, wasn't even on knowledge this time. Now, the turns life does is that my sister born after me, who's had quite a hard life too but she was lucky enough to live all her life with her motivation taking care of her, she was lucky enough to enter medicine school with our random working selection program. I'm proud of her actually, however, since I never entered it and I'm just here studying architecture and my aunts, my family rejected my decision to study it until they realized I actually wanted it, now it feels like all I've built, all the respect I got has fallen appart just because my sister was luckier than me in life and it sucks. It's true that sometimes being the first born in a family gets you all the attention but in my case, in this case, I was the first one to be rejected from my mom's family side since she was too young when she had me. Is like I feel I failed once again and I'm doubting all the efforts I made until I made the decision to get out of the country (since with medicine I wouldn't be able to do that either) and now I'm seeing the 'what if' on my sister, what if I had lived the whole time with my grandmother, if I didn't take the decision to move with my dad, if I didn't get myself affected by what I was suffering at the moment and what if I had actually achieved that. The 'perhaps' if I choose this I would get everything I want and seems like right now it'll be harder for me to be the 'white sheep' everyone expects me to be and I expect myself to be. I feel so broken right now and none of the people I know in real life, not even here can support me. I feel lonely, doubtful, weak, stupid. What I have left is just two and a half years more of misery and the rest that will take me to take back the respect and recognition I want. Once again, I need to be saved and after all these years I've learnt I'm the only one that's willing to save me.

Ah must also confess this thread is great, at least for me, I can write and whine on shit and look inside of me even more to find the roots of some problems. It actually helps.

Problems? Everyone has them. How you live your life, your goals, your effort and lessons learned, those are important. Those who you surround yourself with are of even greater value. I see people whining with full stomachs and clothes on their backs. Problems? Meh... None that can't be worked out with the will and want to do so. I definitely had days where death seemed like a more viable option, but there are enough reasons to trudge on and give all my effort to find what life is to me. Just remember, diamonds aren't made without pressure.