Gender Identity ~Serious~

I know I often troll, be lewd, or whatever but please cast that aside and read this with SOME sincerity. I don't have a lot of venues to vent to people who aren't biased towards me (i.e I cant post on gender identity forums since they are all pro-trans etc) Basically gender identity is an issue I have been struggling with for a while now. I seem to.. Flip-Flop between wanting to be female and male. I know that Gender isnt a WANT, it is who you are, so I know that part of me is probably just being vain and wanting to be seen as female for the gratification it gives me. Inside I feel different at different times. I often feel... Highly feminine, yet know I am male. At the same time sometimes I feel hyper masculine, yet there is that -niggling- doubt that... Well that that is who I am. I love to express myself in feminine ways most of the time, yet sometimes I wanna express myself by looking like a stereotypical "bob, from accounting". I am genuinely so conflicted on who I am when it comes to this... I am wondering if anyone else feels, or has felt, the same? It IS NOT SEXUAL. That is something that the only friend I have opened up to about said. "Oh you just wanna be fucked like a girl, hur dur" - No, sometimes I genuinely feel like a girl and want to be treated as such. Likewise I want to know if you all think this is pointless whining, that I am male and have a dick and thats that. Be 100% honest, and brutal, in your replies please.

Meh maybe... WOW That would make so much sense. I feel so stupid rn. But at the same time idk... AGH I always overthink things when its something as simple as "Oh I am genderfluid roflmao"

is that what transvestites do? im not sure exactly but i imagine they pretended to be women casually for fun, and then go home and be male until they were ready for the next outing if im wrong on the word i apologize :s im not too well versed in the lgbt community ill say that this isnt pointless whining, and gender identity is a huge issue to not feel like yourself in your own skin is terrible, and as long as your not hurting anyone then theres nothing wrong with being who you feel you are the only issue i see with it is the struggle of being "passing"

I dont just feel like going out for fun - Its like, I want to go to college as a woman and be hyper feminine... Then I will be like "oh I cant uwu I am a boy". Its not to go out and have fun its just how I feel some days, some weeks? And then others I find the idea of wearing makeup, dressing up to me a hard no - not repulsive but it doesnt feel RIGHT And thanks x3

it sounds like genderfluid i believe, but as i said, im not well versed in that community

Yeah could be. Meh. I doubt I would be so conflicted rn if the ENTIRE ISSUE wouldnt get me shunned by the family lmao Maybe I should ask in some LGBTQ forums or whatever - I am afraid though that they make me think "Oh trans. Yeah. Trans definitely K HRT BEGINS NOW" I am doing research as we speak and yeah - Sounds like it could be non binary, Gender fluid or Genderflux? Idk Thanks <3

But, do you just want to feel or actually be? What I mean is, I don't believe clothes or even make-up are distinctly male or female, those are societal constructs. But, to feel one way or the other isn't really off either, I'd argue that we all have a feminine and masculine side. However, to consistently feel like your body is not you, that may be the thing to look at. But, I'm not exactly a pro at this stuff, I just have my view.