tell me fucked up things

I have OCD. One style of intrusive thoughts that I have are very gory imaginations of horrible things happening to people around me that are my fault. Like me running a red-light and everyone in the car being maimed to pieces, etc. I have hundreds, sometimes thousands, of these a day. So chances are that if you are talking to me I'm imagining you either dead or maimed to the point of being unrecognizable by no choice of my own.

"One style of intrusive thoughts that I have are very gory imaginations of horrible things happening to people around me that are my fault." my whole life sometimes i think about things happening to me. like getting something stabbed in my eye. i havent had one of those thoughts repeating in my head in a while though.

ive had a lot worse happen to mind. not relating to demons because ive heard a demon can get in your mind and make you mentally ill. its life changing when a couple times i felt like my brain was melting.

Yup. I require medication to have a normal life. Without it things get.... real messy really fast. I can live without it, but I generally can't be out of my home or around anyone when I am off of it. There comes a point where the voices and thoughts win and that moment in time is really scary. Only once in the past few years has that happened to me, where my whole daily routine was ruined, I was off my meds, and a lot of stressful shit was going on. I was driving home from work and kinda... lost track of me. I caught myself trying to jump out of my truck at 55 down a road 20 miles the wrong way from my house. I had been so preoccupied with the thoughts in my head that I hadn't even realized what was actually happening. It was the worst place I've been in a very long time but it can fucking scare you quick. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I honestly hope that half the people that claim to have ocd are actually just memeing the "i like order" part of it.

@Lyzarus To my understanding that the desire for order and symmetry is only one manifestation of OCD. It can also have other forms, such as severe emotional attachment to objects which leads to hoarding. I have a friend who's OCD is sort of a perpetual existential crisis which led to an intense fear of death. In other words, OCD has many forms it can take. It is only the intense desire for order and cleanliness that is most obvious and that is why OCD gets associated with it.

Oh yeah, I don't mean to imply that there isn't a set of OCD compulsions and obsessions that have to do with order. I meant the people who follow the internet meme and see a bookshelf in alphabetical order and say "That makes my ocd happy". It was that I was referring to. Not everyone that has OCD has any desire for order or cleanliness, that is just one form of it. OCD does have an insane number of variations, although many of the intrusive thoughts fall into 5 to 6 known categories. I have a fairly bad version, but it isn't the worst by any means. I can handle not checking lights or washing my hands hundreds of times, though I can't touch doors without washing my hands. I will never down talk any version of OCD, no matter how minor, because I am fully aware of how crippling it can be.

^ Must have been quite fucked up if he got suspended that quick https://media.giphy.com/media/YlRpYzrkHbtSYDAlaE/giphy.gif