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Your first relationship

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bloodman123726

A bit of a broad title, but I was wondering, do you remember what it was like to have your first relationship? Was it a long task? Hard? Nerve racking? Maybe it was just a big bucket of luck dropped onto you as you both fell into each other somehow?

Sadly, I can't give any experience on this. I'm unvolunteerly being put into a world record attempt for longest single man, lol.

leo_ss
Feb 08, 18 at 8:02pm

You're only eighteen. You'll easily be able find someone if you do your best looking. You're young, don't get so jaded so early if possible. What you are is going to control what you attract. You want to attract a positive girl, So. Try to be positive.

Back to topic. My first relationship only truly ended about a week ago. So Yeah, I definitely remember what it's like. Now asking if it was hard? They were bipolar, had serious parental problems, and abuse trauma, had basically every problem in the book you could get. SO yes. It was very hard. She actually stalked me for a week on this site before messaging me. So not really dropping into my lap, but, sort of in a way. If we were still together in a month, it would of been three years. And it all fell apart in less than a month. I had basically been keeping it on life support for five months. She kept trying to distance herself, and I kept trying to keep us together. I'd been there for her, for so many things, I didn't ever think it would end. So many silent promises.

Now let me give you some advice, I wish I had known. A relationship, isn't person keeping someone else alive, Love isn't doing everything for someone, and taking their bullshit. Love is like a game of Tennis. You can't hit the ball and run around to the other side, and hit it back to yourself. You have to hit the ball, and wait for them to hit it back. 2. Never lose yourself in the relationship. I had basically made her my entire life. Don't. Ever. It's not healthy. And you'll only suffocate them. Even if they like it for months before. When someone wants to distance themselves. Let them. If they truly care about you. They'll come back themselves. Don't give up important things for her. Be it your dream job. Your friends or your family. Only manipulators would try to do it. And trust me. You never want to see your lovers as abusers. But the people you love are the only ones who can truly abuse you.

Anyways, In short, she found someone else, cheated. Left for him, once I found out about her. I don't hate her. She still has given me some of the most wonderful memories I can think of. And that is the short answer. I want to hate her, and at times I do. But I realize what happened. I wanted a serious relationship with a broken person. She wasn't ready for that. Instead of trying to fix our problems, she instead rather find someone else without any of the baggage we had. She has serious issues. Makes it harder since I'm so used to helping her through them. But I was in love with only a dream of someone. Because the woman I was so in love with, Would of never of done the shit that had happened. It doesn't matter if someone says they'll love forever, and always. It doesn't matter if some days they'll be so obsessed with you, they can't handle a minute without you. What matters is how they act when things are going wrong. Because things will go wrong, always at some point. No matter how good of a person you two are. If they talk your issues and try to make things work. Then you got the right one. If they try to ignore you, talk to other guys, yell, scream, Lie instead. Then it probably won't. Because then it's just their nature. And few can change that.

And my biggest piece of advice. Trust your gut. I didn't. Only put me through more pain than I ever needed. You will make excuse after excuse for someone you love. If they are truly someone worth a relationship. They won't make you want to break up every month. Only you know if someone is truly right for you.

Last piece of advice for GETTING a girlfriend. Work on yourself. Exercise, and be healthy if you can, Makes you an overall more happy person in general. And go for a job you know you'd love. Working a job you despise(For life, not as a stepping stone for what you really want.) will only make you miserable, Makes it alot harder to deal with relationships if you are unhappy. Make yourself a happy life. And the right people will come if you go looking.

megitsune
s commented on Your first relationship
s
Feb 08, 18 at 8:06pm
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bloodman123726
Feb 08, 18 at 8:30pm

I think I may of came across wrong, Leo. I'm not down on myself on the fact I'm single and always have been. It was more of a casual dig at myself as a joke for asking such a question without any good input from myself.

I even accepted the idea when I was a teenager to avoid high school dating as, far as I'm concern, it never ever ever seems to last well. Especially with the more prelevant immaturity.

But yeah, I feel fine on myself in that matter lol.

Shame to hear that megitsune. We can all take things for granted in one form or another. At least you learned from it.

megitsune
s commented on Your first relationship
s
Feb 08, 18 at 8:34pm
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leo_ss
Feb 08, 18 at 8:36pm

Ah, well good. I could tell it was a joke, But sometimes Humor hides more truth than you'd think. So, Was just bringing that up incase.

That said, You shouldn't be afraid to get into a relationship. You never know how mature someone truly is, until you spend enough time with them. Some of the people who seem the most immature, are the most inside. But, I will agree, that you are far more likely to meet someone that it won't work out with in highschool. Kids will be Kids. Just gotta see every failed relationship as a learning experience.

gotchicho
Feb 08, 18 at 8:51pm

My first relationship was weird, because we were literally in middle school! Both of us being immature made the whole experience weird... we were childish as hell, even though we were children lol. My 2nd relationship was during summer break of transitioning into HS that one was serious work, and that was the first time I was actually manipulated. We lacked communication(more like I didn’t know that was necessary and they didn’t push for it) and my “significant other” was older by like a year or two so they had ex’s who they’d want to get back together with. I met this person during a church event heh.

gotchicho
Feb 08, 18 at 8:53pm

I usually refer to my 2nd relationship as my first one but I don’t want to disregard my middle school bf, because I actually learned a few things.

digitalwolf001
Feb 08, 18 at 9:15pm

My first relationship was when I was in first grade. There was a girl in my class that I didn't notice. We were walking home and I noticed she was walking the same way. I asked if she lived over there and it turned out she was my neighbor. We ran home (well I tried but my mother scolded me) and chased squirrels and talked all day. I didn't know she was interested in me until her mother told my mother and my mother let it slip. We hung out together for years until she moved away (This was before cell phones). I saw her again in high school but by that time she had found her future husband. They made a nice couple. I wanted to ask them for their number at the end of high school but I never got the chance.

reinhardt76
Feb 09, 18 at 1:40pm

I was still naive, kind, trusting and listen to what ppl said rather then listening to my instincts. My mom passed away early and I thought my sister only lied to get shit so I had no idea girls until about 26+ don’t know what they want and will lie about everything. Basically had a friendship instead of a relationship and it hit that sweet spot of “she wants me to kiss her/she wants the D” but piety annoyed confused me wouldn’t do anything and would just keep trying to ask her why she was being that way (a teenage girl). We hung out a lot always texting and spending days together and she would play the usual jealousy game. It ended with me just ghosting her. She did show me her boobs which was neat... they were too big for my taste but she was so short n thicc. (Other then that was a crush when I was 6 who touched my peepee)

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