Slut shaming

This isn’t a topic I’d normally weigh in on, but I wanted to give this warning.... One of you said nude texts are a pretty normal thing now days with innocent motives behind them.... Nude texts are an incredibly stupid idea on so many levels. Sure it seems harmless when you’re with the person, but what happens to those pictures when you break up? Especially when it’s a bad break up. Do you honestly think those pictures won’t be spread around? A while back, by a friend I was given a laptop to repair. I was backing up their personal files to make sure nothing was lost, and I accidentally came across that persons girlfriends nude photos. He basically just handed them to me, there was zero attempt to conceal their location or existance, he didn’t even think to delete them before handing his computer over. Hell he had them uploaded in the cloud. Have any of you bothered reading the privacy policy for stuff uploaded to the cloud? It’s in no way secure. Had they been handed to anyone but me, they may have ended up all over the internet same as the poor girl Lamby mentioned. Luckily for them she was a dear and respected friend to me too and I deleted them for her. I get the motivation behind those pictures... you want the person you love to want and desire you... But the level of irresponsibility that it involves is too great... and so is the fallout when those pictures come back to haunt you later. Too many people act without ever really considering the consequences... Please consider this. The world isn’t fair, or kind, or just. It’s brutal and cruel. This isn’t a mistake you want to make. Once you hit send, you relinquish all control over where that picture goes and where it ends up.

The reality is that taking a picture and sharing it instantly to just one person isn't something that ever existed before. This is going to be harder to deal with the older you are. We have to treat sexuality different from before, not because what we're doing now is worse, but because it's obsolete. You can't simply teach people not to love. You can't simply teach people not to have faith. And as countless discussions have taken place and the result of those discussions have been made self evident, you can't simply mandate that no one sends nudes on the basis of good faith. The warnings are still fine and valid, and desired. All the bad things that are happening now will continue to happen. But we need to rethink sexuality. We need to treat people who's pictures are exposed, not with contempt, but with understanding and acceptance. It will happen again, and treating the person as a culprit is the wrong thing to do. We live in an age where anyone can find out anything about you, and we can't simply repress everything you ever want to do on the basis that someone will take advantage of your mistakes. As such, the best course of action is to lessen the blow, and make things like this less of a problem for the person who has been exposed.

@shinu No, you are entirely off base. Just because the times change doesn't mean people have to change with it. Instead you should STILL enforce said concepts and rules. Yes, nudes in my book should be considered ILLEGAL. Indecent exposure is an offense considered punishable by law. Just don't fucking send or upload nudes. PERIOD. There will NEVER be understanding and acceptance of sheer stupidity. Bad Choices=Bad Consequences If you wish to fix this problem, you can get rid of the damn internet, get rid of devices that have cloud share. Just learn some dang restraint. It isn't the wrong thing to do, because in a real world setting, it would be a CRIME. As such, they SHOULD be treated as culprits. We as a species don't serve anything or anyone.

Geez, what a bunch of blah blah blah. It’s not a matter to of your or anyone else’s principles... It’s not about intentions behind the pictures... It’s a about the shitty truth of life’s unintended outcomes.. A girl gives a guy pictures because she’s in love with him and want him to desire her... She’s not evil or a criminal... She’s a fool in love... As we’ve probably all been at one point. The problem is life has a way of going badly despite all good intentions. Example: a). The boyfriend turns out to be a total jerk and shows the pictures to other guys to brag. or worse passes them along. b). The break up goes badly and he posts them to get back at her. c). His account gets hacked and the pictures get stolen and end up online. d). By pure irresponsiblity on his part, other people get access to the pictures. e). Someone with a grudge gets ahold of them and uses the to intentionally hurt the person. f). Those pictures could get back to your parents and family. I didn’t post to shame anyone. I posted to remind people what can and will go wrong. Once you hit send you have zero control of what happens after that. If you still want to send those pictures knowing full well you’re parents could end up with them, that’s on you... Just know the risks of what you’re doing before you do. It’s such a dangerous idea. It’s better not to do things you’d be ashamed of others seeing. Things that will come back to haunt you if they get spread around.

Like. I. Said. Warnings are fine. Things won't get any better. But whether YOU like it or not, people, as in humanity, are going to interact in this way more and more and more as technology advances. IF you want to help solve the problem, the answer isn't to criticize their decisions, but to lessen the blow, and normalize the sentiment about it to the level in line with how often it's going to happen. Oneman, why are you so intolerant?

@Oneman Everyone has a right to privacy just as they have a right to live in society. If they take risks or break rules, they can lose their rights. This is why you see people charged, jailed, and why people's nudes surface online. It's the old saying of 'it's not illegal unless you get caught' in a way. Nudes are fine until they fall into the wrong hands. If you're going to ever send nudes - - Police yourself, don't do anything stupid. Share them with people you trust, or not at all. - Don't send them straight off the bat. Always get a SFW picture like a selfie first. Verify if necessary - I'll go into this later. - Know the risk/reward ratio of this. You may swoon the other party and get on a deeper level of trustfulness with them, but it can come with a price if it's exploited. If you can't handle the ridicule don't put yourself in a monocle. - If you're going to send nudes, always go for a trade. Accept a mutual agreement that both parties will receive sensitive images that can be used for malice. Never never never send a nude to someone that refuses to trade or send you anything back. This is highly risky. - If you receive a pic that seems almost too good to be true, it often is. Check the resolution/name of the file for any strange anomalies. Most images taken will have a code as their title that can be broken down into date/time taken (eg. 20170125_213961 would denote that the image was taken on January 25th, 2017). File types are usually .jpgs, but this can vary. If you see stuff like .pngs, it's likely a stolen pic. Resolutions should always been that of a traditional camera (eg 720/1080p), but people sometimes crop their pics so this is less of a point for verification. - Make requests if you can. A good way to verify a picture is legitimate is to make a ask for something in the shot. Time stamps or names written on paper/skin are the most common way to verify nudes. Avoid poses, as these are possible to fabricate/replicate. If you're still skeptical with verification or want to skip checking all the deets, you can always reverse image search, just do note that reverse image searching is not very inclusive and has it's faults. - Keep note with who has your nudes and don't be lazy. While uncommon, the safest thing to do is modify the metadata for each of your nude pics. You can add descriptions and other data to note who you sent the nude to originally so you always can trace down the original sharer (provided the image is unmodified for further distribution - this is why you see stuff like logos stamped on stolen revenge porn sites).

@shinu I think you’re missing the point. I’m not trying to make idealistic statements. I don’t give advice to be egotistical or high and mighty. Nor because I think I can change the world. I give advice because I care about people and genuinely want to help them make better safer decisions than I’ve seen myself. If it helps a single person avoid a bad situation, then that’s more than I could have hoped for. And that’s the point.

Not going to argue at a brick wall, but to back up Wesley, you kind of are missing the point here Shinu. While stuff like this has happened for a long time, we shouldn't turn a blind eye to it and just 'accept' that it's going happen to people. Measures should be made discourage it and protect people from becoming victims of it. 'Normalizing' this kind of thing and blowing it off as something that happens a lot doesn't solve the problem here - it just allows the victims to feel like they're not alone and they shouldn't feel as awful. While removing the guilt of being singled out isn't a bad thing, I think the harsh realities of this should be kept in place in order to teach the ignorant hard-learned lessons, as bad as they may be. Simply shrugging this kind of thing off as a normal occurrence is like saying to the victims something along the lines of "welp, this happens if you weren't careful, be more careful next time lol" and is more disheartening than the progressive thoughts offered by Shinu and I to avoid stuff like this from happening in the first place. For every time someone doesn't call attention to improper distribution of sensitive information, it ultimately undermines the measures people should take when sharing said sensitive information by implying that when the info (in this case nudes) surfaces online the shaming/personal degradation that follows is just part of the status quo.