Ever Felt Like You're Losing It All?

Hey there! The topic says it all. Personally, I wonder if what I've been through was real. Or not. Tough to say what was the 'reality' of things, and wasn't 'realty' of things. By these I mean: I am choosing to turn away, and walk from everyone that had turned me away. I thought I had a family that cured and supported one-another. Turns out... That life was only but a vessel for more lies to be introduce. What about it, huh? Think about it-- You live with a family that spoke high of supporting one another, that spoke highly of being there for one another. And at the end of the road; YOUR road. Nobody is there to help you. Not a single person. This is where I feel like I've lost it all. Family meant everything to me, and to have it thrown into my face the way it as... Feels like I don't even know what 'family' means anymore. To bring the depression topic into a chamber, changing it into something else, a brighter-side. Even though I feel like I've lost everything: even my senses. I've still re-gained my strength. And I plan on moving forward. I'll be leaving them all behind. Seeing they never wanted me to begin with. How about it? Have you ever had any events that lead you to feel like you lost something that holds the closes meaning to your heart? Or, and, soul? Let me know!

Yeah when I was working and being around people in general. Nothing seems real to me now a days. Like I don't get how people can have just casual dating or casual sex then just leave and forget they ever even knew the other male or female and they go talk to someone else without a word. This also transfers or explains my self identity as well. Because I do the same things in context but different form. In other words I don't have casual sex and I don't do casual dating then leave but I do like interacting with people in certain situations. But when I get bored of talking to people I do leave or stop talking to them altogether. Like I want a small group that I talk to on a daily basis. Maybe 3 or 4 people max and I want to hang out with them everyday (my GF would be one of the group members) and that's it. The only problem is I want specific people in that group but they can very to some degree. The specific characteristics I want are non judgemental people or people who don't care about how I do things but still value my company. Like I'm kinda twisted a little, I do things the opposite way when things I want to happen do happen. But the thing that stays the same is me being around my group or GF all the time. And lastly they can't be hatful towards me, they can be harsh or cold to me but not hateful. In other words be harsh while caring at the same time. If your harsh or cold without that "care" part I really really can't stand or handle that. And my GF has to be decent (in my personal opinion) looking enough for me to like her. Like anytime I say "cute", "hot", or "flawless" I mean those in my own terms not the human definitions terms or social model terms. Like some girls that are chubby I find very cute or hot even though I say I like mostly "skinny" girls. I should find this chart that I found on YouTube that shows a visual representation of different female body types and sizes to show you what I mean. But yes what had meaning to me was work and emotional understanding. Like I thought that since all humans need to survive I thought we all had understanding of everyone and therefore I'd help anyone and everyone I could at work if I could. Little did I know that was dead wrong. The more I helped the more lazy people got and also they just used me more and more. "Oh hey do this for me", "I need help here", "can you stay over time 2 nights in a row, I'm just kidding I need you a 3rd night as well". Everyone just seemed to care for themselves. I didn't feel any sort of emotional care or connection whatsoever. Makes me wonder if they would care if I killed them. I mean other people who aren't attached to them wouldn't care. They probably wouldn't even care to stop me. I just feel no actual care from anyone, how can a room be so full of people yet feel so empty? I don't know, I want a partial yandere girl who is kinda sadistic but one that I'm able to control a little. When I say control I mean like calm her down when she gets angry or sad and wants to hurt people. I want her to do the same for me. But yeah I know nothing of life and everything feels fake for me. I'm trying to find an alternate path to take though.

hmm. I can get where your both coming from. the environments/community you guys are in may be bad and have bad cultures that don't sound like a good fit for yall. Perhaps moving to a better place with great people and cultures can help boost you. ProjectOtaku's sounds like a heavier thing to deal with so he'll probably need some extra time to find and evaluate himself. Time is also an answer, rather than a getting wasted option. In regards to your question: Yes i've had some events - breaking up with an EX for the first time who I was pretty into, and a family member dying. In my case besides family, I was able to reach out to others, even talkin about it with strangers/outsiders can help(as you have in a way creating this thread). Obviously I don't know your whole situation but a good rule of thumb: make sure you are clear of mind and cooled off before making big decisions. (thats why the time option is good, so u can take time to yourself, if ya gotta be "numb" for awhile, thats ok).

Yeah. Like right now. Like always.