What I'm lookin for in guys/girls (The lowered expectations edition)

For Choco, text #itsnotaliens http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c59/Rubberpenguin/FAIRIES.png Hellloooo, ladiiies. I'm looking for someone or someTHING to spend my life with. I'm an easy going kinda guy, so I'm not asking for much. Maybe like a six out of ten, which is to say above average. And of course, I expect her to clean for me, do all my laundry, pick out my clothes, have an amazing singing voice, pick me up from work wearing humiliatingly cutesy cosplays, have pink hair, a perfect hourglass figure, at least a c-cup, in amazing enough shape to run from cops and serial killing hobos with me as I drag her to do urban exploration of creepy abandoned, and potentially haunted locations no sane human would want to step foot in, sing me to sleep every night, paint soothing pictures to adorn on my walls, never leave my room, but somehow makes twice my income, haas passion for 20 different things, but for whatever reason ignores all of them when I need attention, and is deeply religions. As in she worships some obscure lovecraftian deity with a name that cannot be pronounced by mortal tongues, and isn't totally mainstream like Cthuhlu or Yogsototh. Also, she has to cosplay as all of my favorite anime characters, but only the ones I specify. AND AHM TIYERD OF FAT PEOPEL! If this is you, feel free to send me a call, and in return for all of my minimalistic standards, I will shower you with love... On some days. By the way, did I mention how adventurous I am? I've been as far north as Canada http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c59/Rubberpenguin/My%20friends/800399231_l.jpg and as far South as Key West! Does that make me a catch, or what!? http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c59/Rubberpenguin/My%20friends/216903_10150258362352542_540227541_9141903_4425921_n_1.jpg (Also, she actually has to be a 10 but doesn't really know that.) ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ No doubt you've read through a lot of threads similar to this, albeit not as dripping with self depricating humor. Allow me to clearify one thing, this isn't making fun of anyone. Though I will admit ever since I read the first of these to crop up in the recent months, I couldn't help but be reminded of a certain skit from Mad TV known as "Lowered Expectations". https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gt4StirOzc&list=PLVvqVgeyKP77gSZat1ZydCChkK4hDDWMq It wasn't the content of the thread itself, but rather just the way it was formatted. I was curious as to wether anyone else remembers those? Heck even better, lets make this into some kinda forum game. I'd say the only rules are, you're limited to yourself, or anime characters, and try to make it fun for people.

http://images6.fanpop.com/image/answers/3524000/3524057_1399961729465.62res_400_300.jpg Before I got my job I was a M.A.D.A.O. and I shout out anime attacks IRL when I'm doing things. -insert lowered expectations song-

I would like to introduce you to my best friend, Pizza. http://www.kbear.fm/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Pizza-love.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/dEHecLq.gif I don't know the reason for posting this, but why not, right?

I feel as though my necromancy has gotten a little rusty. Oh how dubious of me.