Random thoughts...

You're most DEFINITELY depressed, my man. Ain't no doubting that.lol At least, that's how you come across here. I get it though... You seem to be chasing one thing after the other in order to find some happiness. But, yeah, definitely be yourself, the best version of yourself. Also, don't take marriage advice from those who are either single or have never been married.lol They're looking, too and only going off of anecdotal evidence. (More than likely.). You've got to find what works for you and be healthy while doing so. There's one thing you have that you may not know, experience. That experience, if used correctly, can be an awesome source of wisdom that you can use to better yourself. It's easy to feel alone and unhappy, but it's much harder to just be happy with yourself. Figure that out and you will become more attractive on so many aspects (Family/friends/relationships).

@solid_snake95 As someone who had crushing depression I overcame it with Jesus. I tormented myself for years for being a narcissist. I didn't even like people looking at me out of fear of seeing how hollow I am. I went from thinking I'm the worst thing to ever exist to laying it all down at Jesus feet. Went to chruch today and the preacher talked about temporary satisfaction which I think we all try to find but what Jesus has done for me is given me the complete satisfaction I never thought I would obtain by taking everyone of my burdens away. I thought I was to ugly. I looked around and never seen a narcissist saved. So, I thought he didn't want me. But, he took it all away I just had to stop seeing my mistakes as greater than his love because he showed me they were not. All your burdens can be alleviated today if you give em to Jesus. You just gotta trust him. Only bugging you because I want you to have peace. Jesus will do the trick. Though I had to fight hard to understand how to lay my burdens down I hope and pray it's easier for you. Best way I can describe it is stop carrying what you can't carry if it's crushing you. There is relief. Also, pray to God for a woman. God always went above and beyond when I did that. Seek him and I'm sure he will provide you a woman in dew time. Like he always did for me. You can be a new man today unburdened and you won't have to worry about carrying your burdens into the next relationship. You can be free. Just a thought.