Random thoughts...

You are not just any guy Sobo. Not a bad one at all either, i feel you and i truly hope you won't give up. It would make me happy if my words gave you even a tiny bit of positivity and hope. Honestly. You deserve a happy life man.

Dude idk, I’ve never found friends really. I don’t think it’s for me, no matter how hard I try. Kinda why I studied growing up, because the knowledge kept me busy. It was interesting as well.

I understand Sobo. With that said, if you keep thinking negative, you won't ever see the positives. There are definitely positives even if you don't see them. Your age being one.

@asheiji It does, it’s just I get these flashbacks and they keep coming from time to time. As you can tell it fucks me up. I just don’t understand it you know? Like I live in Detroit right, but I couldn’t be a dick. It goes against my morals. It just wears you down when you’re nice but always treated like shit you know? Like I’m not nice to be liked, I’m nice because that’s who I am. But to be constantly fucked with its morals vs emotion.

I feel like you should also be told that there's nothing wrong with feeling out of touch with the rest of the word, even more so now. That being said I'm 30 and have felt alone like you have since I was forced to move out after highschool, I've spent more than half my life alone, neglectful mother, I always had to find a way to stand on my own, it's not always the greatest feeling in the world, but Lily is right suicide isn't the answer, fight it out even if you feel like you've lost. One day you'll look back and realize you got yourself through everything by your own strength. Also most people in relationships before 20s end up single anyways.

Lily the only positives I really see is my families wealth that was rightfully earned, my knowledge, and my varied talents. Idk it wears down on you.

@atmousfear it’s not even relationships it’s having the feeling of not being ever able to make bonds. But yes it is very hard to live like that I’d agree.

Your age. You own a car which means you can get out to meet people. Your knowledge is a huge positive. This alone is enough.

Yeah I do put my heart and soul into that car, it's kind of a heirloom of sorts. I really hated it when I first had it though.

@sobo275 Heads up right now before you read past this line because I am honestly lossing my shit reading what you're suggesting. I have lost a lot of people myself to suicide so I don't take it well anymore to hear one more good-bye. What comes after is mostly me ranting not directly at you, but I do have to bark at you a bit for being so idiotic as to choose self death as the answer...even as a causal thought. - More importantly, as a man who watched one of my own relatives walk out the front door to go kill himself at age 10, I know personally how fucked up suicide is. Then follow that up with talking your own god damn mother from overdosing on prescription pain killers as a 20 year old man to a 50 year old woman at 3 in the fucking morning... A woman that preaches fucking God everyday and she looks to you to tell her not to do it. YOU TELL ME you're fucking done with life! - Be tired or angery and I can respect that, but choosing to cap oneself, like that's the fucking ticket, is the ultimate bitch-ass move. - I won't claim to know what brings you the most pain or why you and my uncle John both seem so talented from my end, yet the first to go all Kurt Cobain the second life hits the rocks! - Sometimes I get so fucking tired of having to watch people with SO MUCH GOD DAMN talent go fly off the road because life sucks from time to time. - Do what you gotta do, but remember someone's got to bury you. Someone has to explain to the people you didn't think cared why you did it. Here I am questioning if I am wasting my breath saving people who can't respect themselves. - We haven't met in person and I know from your videos you are 1. A talented musician! More than I will ever fucking be and I tried, but failed. Still living. 2. Great with cars and repairs. 3. Not that bad of human being both looks and personality wise for what that's worth. 4. Decent at concept art and an active memeber of the community. 5. You're 20 and I'm fucking 30. Tell me another sad story PLEASE! I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND!!! - Listen, live your life. Own your life. The good and the bad. You deserve it. You make the decision what happens next and how you let it affect you. - I don't want you to die and that's all I have left to say anymore!