Random thoughts...

Keep living and fighting man. Regardless of the money, you are the only one who can decide how to live and if you want to make your life happy and memorable..Death is an inevitable so why not make the best of the life and time we are given until then.

I’ve always been alone man, It’s fucking pathetic. Shit all I wanted was positive human interaction which I’ve been denied of all my life basically. Shit pisses me off, like idk what the fuck I’m doing wrong. Also I’m not even sure what makes me happy, I just, live.

I mean shit, even if I did kill myself and it was all blackness at least I wouldn’t feel. It’s just tiring to feel this way every single day. To have the same shit happen everywhere, shit just gets tiring. Especially if it’s all you know.

Look at the small things. You can meet people. Especially after Covid. You have the power to take that step. You aren't 75. You have time.

I wouldn't say i understand fully how you feel, but killing yourself isn't the solution bro believe me. it just gonna fuck up everyone who cares about you too.. I've had my struggles too and dark times where i felt like giving up..Meeting some people who loved life and fought to survive truly helped me a lot. Realizing how much they want to live but they couldn't for long because of their illenesses..Their life wasn't even easy at all. But they had dreams, stayed hopeful and most importantly happy..I was given what they are want the most so why not make the best of it. Before focusing on other humans and relationships, i'd better work on becoming the best version of myself and gaining inner peace. That makes you strong enough to face the struggles and build good human bonds. I'm not saying it's easy but it's so worth it.

I lived the same way I did before COVID. And I did do that for awhile actually, I used to do research and stuff all the time growing up. Experimenting with things, computers, motors, music and science in general. It’s the one thing I pride myself on is how I can absorb knowledge easily, apply it and branch off from it. But idk man, trying to better myself hasn’t helped much. Hasn’t fixed my issue.

I’m honestly surprised you two are talking to me about this, I’m just a guy on the internet. I seem to be viewed negatively as well. So it’s a bit intriguing. Seriously I’m just a number in a system, replaceable. Not sure why it matters, to be completely honest.

I don't think you're viewed negatively. That's your own perception tricking you. Negative thoughts can sometimes deceive us. Who cares if a few people or even many people ignored you or didn't reply. They clearly weren't worth YOUR time, not the opposite. Find people who care about you. They definitely exist. Also, yes there are women who'd fall in love with you. Anybody can find love.