Parents abuses

I used to think my parents were strict But after reading all ur posts I think they really spoiled me rotten

People often have a strange way of showing their love. I wouldn't call this the best way to raise a child but it's natural for parents to have expectations from their children. And it bothers them when you can't meet their high expectations, as you mentioned. But it also bothers you that they can't meet yours (like they're not praising you when you do something right). So in essence, you're doing what in psychological terms is called projecting. Try to see the issue from both points of view, not just yours. First of all, it's not abuse or bullying. People from abusive families would kill to be in your position. Secondly, your parents are not actively interested in shattering your self esteem, they're not intentionally doing it. It's a side effect, look for its cause if you want to get to the bottom of it. Finally, don't seek the approval of others. Prove to yourself that you can do something and others will see it. That confidence you get is like a shining sun. You don't have to touch it to know that it burns. Pat yourself on the back when you do something right. Reward yourself. Be your best friend. In life, acquaintances, friends and even family, they will come and go (whether by choice or by chance). The one person you're gonna spend the rest of your life with is yourself. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out it's a communication issue. The lack of it, specifically. You're not connecting. You mentioned you tried to but they don't listen to you. Don't stop trying. Find different approaches to the situation. We might be wildly different people and nobody will ever fully understand you (accept this now) but we do have things in common. Meet your parents on common ground when communicating. Clear your head. Stay positive. Make your point clear and structured. If you're going into a discussion with expectations, frustrated and anxious, you won't make any progress. I hope you can take something from this and that I didn't appear rude to you in any way. But I did want to make my point clear. Truth is, you know your parents a whole lot more than I do. I only read a few lines about them from your post and it's a clearly biased opinion. There's always at least two sides to a story. But I think it's not a lost cause. If your parents were horrible human beings who didn't love you, I'm sure you would have bigger problems than esteem issues.

My Parents we're big on discipline and Physical Discipline, If i did something bad i got a filthy ass kicking, If i messed up- ass-kicking or lecture about how i was screwing up. My father was the only One out of the two whom actually taught me morals and proper discipline. My mother was just an abusive wreck, I do know that my parents did love me, although i have respect for them. I hate them for doing unethical things and exposing me to certain things. i learned nothing at those moments, But i guess i did become use to yelling and dealing with Stress-full confrontations. My Father was an extremely intimidating man, Voice like thunder and fists like razors, They hurt and stung like a bitch or left me sore for days after, oddly-enough... i was the only child they really disciplined to that extent, They went easy on my sisters. it was 10-30% that my sisters would get punished in such ways, even if they we're outright disrespectful, But for me... A 100% chance i would get my as kicked if i acted out or did something bad. I thank my father for some things and hate him for other reasons. Although i say the constant pressure made me a rather disciplined and ethical person altogether, since i came to believe in the "Constant Improvement" Indoctrination my father instilled in me, I could not look at myself knowing i was unethical or and ugly person in terms of values and beliefs. I Constantly beat myself for not being what i set out for. My Drive for life i think, not as bad as it sounds. I wanna be great on the inside, i wanna be the model figure for my people and children. Although even though i think my father succeeded in creating what he wanted out of me, I still am going to be a better father than he ever was.

It does still sound like they love you in their own weird way. If they didn't they wouldn't even bother telling you anything nor pay ur tuition. So all in all, your situation doesn't sound all that bad to me. Not trying to belittle what you are going through though, not at all. I totally get how hard it can be to constantly be put down and told you can't do this or you're no good. But I do hope for you, you can get past that and not need their approval to get to where it is you want to get in life. Clearly they want you to achieve something too, weird as it is, they do seem to care, so keep that in mind and work towards your goals. at the end of the day... You are studying for you, not them so their oppinion shouldn't rly matter much to begin with.