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Creative Writing Homework from Creative Writing Class

My first assignment! My Cat When I think back on it, I should have seen the warning signs. She was still a kitten, but not active. She started to laze around a lot more then when we first got her. I just kept thinking, ‘ like owner like cat.’ I just feel so stupid for being so blind to her suffering with so much pain. She was the first pet to take to me right away. Out of all the animals in the house she loved me the most. Now, I know what you might be thinking, “cats are a bunch of bastards who love nobody but themselves.” Now this may be because you have either, 1. never owned a cat, 2. have never met a good cat yet, or 3. you’re a heartless soul who needs help. Anyway my cat had broken a lot of the ‘cat stereotypes.’ She came when called, but by only me. She greeted me happily every day after school. She helped me with my phobia, and she layed on my side until I fell asleep. She really did care about me, and I tried my best to care for her as much as I could, until that night. She came up to me, falling down onto her side, crying, pleading for my help. I told my parents but they said it was too late at night to take her to a vet, that we would have to wait until morning. As much as I hated it, they were right. So, I picked up my little furball, wrapped her in her favorite blanket, pushed the couch up to my bed and laid her down on a pillow next to me. I laid my hand on her side, feeling her short, shallow breaths. Suddenly she rose, crawled up to me, and flopped by my side. That is when a small crack in my heart formed, she couldn’t climb onto my side. The next morning we went to two vets who kept telling us to go somewhere else, that it was more serious than they could handle. At the third vet, they examined her for a while. When the doctor came back I could tell by his face. I tried so hard to concentrate that in the middle of what he was talking my world had suddenly went deaf, I couldn’t hear him, but it didn’t matter. I knew what he was telling me. Then my world went underwater. I just sat there and nodded, unable to keep the tears from escaping any longer. “...We could try keeping her alive for a few more months but she’ll just suffer more.” His voice almost shocks me. “No!” I couldn’t even bear the thought of it. “Then would it be okay if we took care of the cremation, or would you like to?” My father jumped in and told him here. Then before the doctor left the room he turned to me, “would you like to see her one last time?” I nodded, wiping the tears from my eyes. After a while I was brought into a room. She was lying there, embraced by her favorite blanket. When I got close enough for her to see me, she lifted up her head as much as he could. I smiled the best I could and softly stroked her head. I leaned over and kissed her, “I love you so much. “ I whispered. I wrapped my arms around her, she rested her head on my arm. Her body started to go limp and her eyes started to close her breaths started to grow shorter. “goodbye.” I whispered into her ear. She’s gone, I thought, she’s gone. Her warmth was clearly gone, her breathing had stopped, and her death pierced my heart like an arrow. “I love you , Sookie.” her murderer was feline leukemia. soo, comments? thoughts? plz dont be to harsh this is my first assignment! :3
OMG! This touched my heart greatly! I am very sorry that your cat when though a touch way of life like that in such a short time.... *bows down to you* But reading this did make me cry a little bit with the feels you put into it. I'm sure it was tough on you to relive the events in your mind since it was so tragic to you.... It was a great story and I enjoyed it very much ^^ Only in the last paragraph you wrote "he" instead of "she" at one pint but other then that it was wonderfully written~
Lol i had to write it in an hour so it was really hard to type fast, but i think it's okay. Thank you for the complement. I'm glad it was good! :)
As a fellow creative writing student I'd like to help you. I'll try not to be harsh so I'll say it quickly. Your story is good but not brilliant as there is no real starting point. It's well written but there aren't many devices which could make it so much more heart wrenching. Also, it would get more marks if you told the story from someone else's perspective, such as the cat, your parents, or even the doctor. Sorry if I've been a bit harsh but for a first assignment it's briliant.
Thanks, and sorry for the late reply but we had to write in our perspective and it was a memoir assignment. And the 'harsh' comment isn't bad. I WANT to be critiqued on my writing so I can learn because if I never get bad replies or critiqued I will never get better
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