I am socially awkward

I find it hard to find the words in real life and online, until I have become comfortable with a person. I want to find a friend (boy or girl), but I can't find the words sometimes...

alot of us know what your going through since alot of us are the same way. like me for example i have the same problem as you only without the boyfriend thing XD

Imagine you've known the person you're talking to for ages. Has helped me quite a number of times. It's human to be careful with words when you first get to know a person, because it's programmed into our brain to want to be liked. And therefore some people fear judgement for every word. But usually people are not that judgemental so just take it down a notch and just speak and think more casually and honestly... like you would with a good friend.

It seems to work a lot for people that aren't afraid to say what's on their minds, however sometimes people say too much. My case is that on internet I'm a really playful girl and I probably don't care but IRL I'm a jerk, I don't even salute people, I get away from those I can't stand even though we used to hang a lot without a single word, I'm blunt so people can't stand my realistic points of views because they are "boring", also because I actually don't want to share much about my life since I see it like chaining myself to someone that's probably going to use it against me. I literally trust no one outside of my family or really long friendships. I've found some good friends that valued my company since I moved last year but due to me always advancing, I left them behind. There are perks on being a "wallflower" as they are on being "popular" but what are you willing to leave behind is up to you. Is for sure you have to behave in order to have friends but usually most people don't like spicy truths being spilled at their faces, meaning you are always going to have to control yourself. It depends a lot on who you are too, basically is what xynox said but not really. I see it more complex than that.

I have social anxiety so I know the feeling. Just do what ever makes you feel comfortable. Try basic conversation then hopefully your confidence will grow :-)