Antique's Dusk (A Poem)

I will soon be gone And everything is okay As I drift up into the stars My complexion flushed gray You disabled me once Took my soul and ran away Shame for it to come to a close My body's gone but that's okay My heart beats on it's last whim Sounds amplify... faster, faster! Just know that though my submission I do this only for my master. I still love you and adore you! Make me the woman I wish to be! Take my reigns to lift me up Careful that I won't see Force me in next pull me down Do all that is justified For it is not what I think It's all that I am served Maybe if I'm worth something Wake my spirit another day Come towards my headstone Preach your voice and pray.

I'm a little bit confuse, is this a love poem? Some of the word a bit confusing in the first few lines and then jump into master and servant relationship. Other than that nice use on word but I feel you can do better than that. This is my opinion only.

Personally I feel like what I wrote was a little rushed as I needed to let my emotions out. I apologize for the odd word choices. To clear some things up, it's prudent I mention this isn't a love poem. This piece is mainly focused on the passing of my grandmother who recently died battling leukemia. The "master/servant" section you mentioned is in reference to God/God's children.

Well done Akira! I enjoyed it, and for the record, the word choices were fine. That's the beauty of poetry - it doesn't have to follow proper English grammatical choices. I'm sorry for your loss as well. But just keep throwing out your poetry and I will keep reading it!

Much obliged, Superluxus. I might post more of my work here in the future.

I really like the flow in your poem, although like gamer above me, I mistook it as a love poem. Perhaps it is because I have a perverted mind but after reading the lines "Just know that though my submission I do this only for my master." "force me in next pull me down" I had a veeery different interpretation. I'm very sorry to hear about what happened to your grandmother. My condolences :(

I feel like this piece may be slightly too subliminal. If anyone is interested, I could deconstruct the poem into various segments and describe how I originally intended for each stanza to be construed. The line you mentioned, "Force me in next pull me down" describes a forethought of the two destinations from death, Heaven and Hell. The forcefulness mentioned implies that none of us can choose our final destination. This is later reiterated in the lines "For it is not what I think, It's all that I am served". No matter how much we think about where we would like to end up after we die, it's ultimately not our decision. While the latter half of the subject line references Hell, prior lines directly allude to Heaven. Thank you, Arc. Your words mean a great deal to me.