Wanting a relationship but social anxiety gets in the way of starting one

I have some social anxiety myself, but I've begun to crawl out of my shell. Along with me, lots of people have social anxiety - it's a tough thing to deal with. Don't feel bad about it though, it's actually not completely a bad thing. In general, expressing emotions is beneficial and withholding emotions has personal and social costs. Yet, to certain social interactions there are situations when emotions can be withheld strategically. A relationship is one of these situations. It seems as though social anxiety influences when and how emotion expressiveness influences interpersonal closeness in romantic relationships. For people with greater social anxiety such as yourself, withholding the expression of negative emotions can help preserve romantic relationships. The reverse pattern was found for people with greater social anxiety. People with less social anxiety tend to produce distant relationships, since over time negative emotions openly expressed serve as a direct deterioration. So all in all, don't worry. Hold your head up and know that you're better with some anxiety. You are one to delve into your mind before you reply and extract items you don't necessarily mean. That's a good thing.

My relationships in the past were nice but starting them was the hardest part. Even trying to talk to people face to face or if I find them attractive trying to text them or anything like that is almost impossible. Once I get to know somebody Im fine and can talk all day its the initial interaction I have the hardest time doing. Any advice to get over that part a little easier?

Getting to know people is hard, but knowing where to meet them can help. Your social anxiety will generally be at its worst in environments that promote too much social behavior, so avoid the neighborhood bars and clubs. These types of places provide excess stress that can be tough for people with anxiety to mentally overcome. Instead of going to large get-togethers or parties, try to attend smaller events where meeting people isn't a priority, and where you can also get used to smaller social situations. Even though such a small group of people means that you may not find someone you connect with, smaller groups can give you an opportunity to practice social interactions and could introduce you to new friends, which in turn can help you meet someone special someday. Another tip. If you're in a conversation and start feeling angst, be open about it. Tell the other person you're feeling uneasy or don't know what to say. People will understand if you feel embarrassed talking to them. I actually kind of like seeing other guys 'fall'. Don't overdo it, that can get annoying. I know it's not something a lot of people share about themselves, but when you do share it and you show that you're not embarrassed about it, it can make the conversation easier and take some of the vocal work off of you. Let them speak for awhile. Be a listener, not a public relations consultant. If you try too hard to fight it and hold onto a conversation, your anxiety will get worse.

I don't recommend "holding back" your emotions, because that can be the limiting factor to letting a new relationship grow into deep meaningful relationship. It's important that the person you wish to be with for life will be one who understands and accepts your true self, both negative and positive. Well, that is how I've found the best relationships. The worst relationships I've had were ones that I held back in and wouldn't speak up when I was upset/sad/hurt. I have diagnosed anxiety and depression too, so I do know what it's like to be unable to start socializing in real life... It's really hard, but, I think I've actually gotten better after highschool. I find that if you see someone who is alone and seems bored/lonely(but not upset), they usually are receptive to being talked to, and unlikely to ignore you. It also takes a butt-load of guts and a good mood. My first time being able to go up to and talk to someone in school was in college, an archery class, where I stood in a line with another girl. I sort of waited until she was looking enough near me so that she could see when I would talk(I have a quiet voice that tends to get ignored), and I just sort of said, "Hi", kind of casually, a bit shy, but as friendly/nice as I could with a smile(smiling is how I react to awkwardness), and she said hi back, in a much more friendly and happy tone, which encouraged me and I was able to start with simple things like, "Does stretching the bow hurt your hand too?"... and so on. Eventually the conversation moved on and we talked a little bit about anime and stuff. Before I had talked to her, she was always with another friend, but that day, I noticed she was alone and quiet, not talking to anyone else. Everyday after that, her friend was also gone, so I think her friend may have quit and sort of left her there alone. So I think that did also encourage me, as well as being assigned in the same line. Also, I don't mean to offend/stereotype, but I find that shy-looking modest girls or tomboys are more likely to be friendly than the "pretty" or "sexy" girls, who usually have higher standards of charisma. But, maybe it's because we both were small shy-looking modest girls that we got along... It's just from my own experience, that the "popular and pretty" girls would label me as creepy for being shy/quiet/awkward, and give me a disgusted or weirded-out look. If you have any community college nearby, I would check and see if they have any anime clubs, or any hobby clubs you have interest in. I've met nice and quirky people in the anime club at a nearby college. They did not require enrollment to join either. If you already have a friend, you could ask them for help by getting them to start the conversation between 3 of you.

Yes. Me and my ex broke up close to my high school graduation (He was one year younger than myself) After my graduation, I kinda hid in my own little otaku corner for two years. Now, I feel like should find another true love and make a relationship again. I'm still afraid of getting hurt..., but I got to keep trying at least. :)

Thats similar to my last relationship only it was close to my graduation and she was a year yonger. She had social anxiety and depression too so I thought wed be perfect but then she left me on my birthday and lied to all of our friends who then wanted nothing to do with me. I still dont know what i did or didnt do in the relationship that made her leave but finally im ready to give love another go.

Ur not alone I too have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression it is really hard especially when u live in a very small town and everyone judge's you by what one person says

Yeah my area doesnt exactly have alot of cute girls and the ones that are cute are either taken or are really trashy so it doesnt leave much room for me plus my anxiety makes me an introvert but inside I want to be an extrovert which then just makes the anxiety worse. Its a viscious cycle