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Asking out a co-worker

cielle
So when I started working at this company, I was assigned to a month-long project with my senior partner (well, since I work for a Japanese company, I'm supposed to call him 'senpai' [I never did just out of sheer embarrassment]). I worked alongside him--we talked and joked about the project together, and overall interacted well with each other. I started having a crush on this person, but I wasn't too sure if I was imprinting on him. I say that because for a good half a year, I stopped dating and haven't had the chance to look for a person romantically. When I got to know him better, I started developing a sort of attachment. But I wasn't sure if that was because I haven't talked to another man in awhile (not counting my male friends that I have already). The month was up, and I never had the chance to ask him out. On the final day, when we walked back to our cars in the parking building, I finally called him 'senpai' and waved him goodbye. He kinda has a stone face, so he didn't smile nor frown, but said "goodbye" back to me. I got asked this week for another project, and maybe I would see him again (if he got called in too). I wanted advice on whether or not I should ask him out or not, but there's some things that I had to consider: THE MAIN THING: -It's not forbidden for co-workers to go out, but if by any chance, the relationship fails and becomes awkward between the two, the company has to choose only one. Considering that I'm way newer to the company, it's pretty guaranteed that I would be the one to get fired. I'm actually not afraid of rejection (that much), so this isn't exactly a problem of courage. I need some good pros & cons, as well as new perspective, on whether or not I should ask him out. I'm sorry for the long topic; I would add in a tl;dr, but I guess I need people to read the entire thing to give me good advice. (I also should be sleeping right now, sorry if I made any typo).
tylor
Mar 10, 15 at 8:31am
Humm to me there was one key reaction in there that makes me think he may not be interested and that was the senpai bit you described and the lack of reaction too it also in a work place if the feelings are not neutral and you work as close as you do it may become very awkward one question also have you asked if he is single as you don't seemed to of addresses if you have asked him that or not?
juliaspiegel
Asking a co-worker out is never a good idea, it can ruin your professional reputation and you do not know him personally yet I assume. If the relationship doesn't work and you both remain in the same work space, it will be very uncomfortable for both. (Talking from experience)
cielle
Mar 10, 15 at 8:42am
@Tylor: I actually don't know if he's single or not, which was another thing I was pretty hesitant about. @Julia: That's true, and yah, I guess I don't know him that well other than that he has a younger brother.
tylor
Mar 10, 15 at 9:02am
I think your first pint of call may be to just sort of ask if he is in casual convocation and find out if he is single or not if he is not then you will know its best to stop at that point
cielle
Mar 10, 15 at 9:22am
@Tylor: Yah, I should really find out if he's single or not, but if I ask him, then it pretty much hints that I like him. I also don't want to stalk him and/or ask around, because it's an invasion of privacy...and creepy. I'd rather just ask him out and find out that way, than ask him if he has a girlfriend (which could possibly lead to an awkward conversation). I don't know a smooth way of finding out if the person is in a relationship or not, without asking them out. Actually I'll like to know if anyone has a way...lol Thanks for answering, you two; I'll get back to this thread after I sleep a bit.
donnierye
Mar 10, 15 at 10:03am
Ask him out, but as friends or coworkers. Use work as an excuse. Say you need help with a project (this will work if he gets called in or not, assuming you have a way of contacting him). Invite a few other people too if you want, but you don't have to. From there, you can find out more about him like if he is dating someone or not by talking about hobbies and "things that you do with your friends". You want to prod by asking questions that will make him bring up his girlfriend himself (if he has one). And I know you're against facebook stalking or whatever, but plenty of people do it. As long as you aren't getting too nosy by like talking to his best friend or something.
reisudo
Mar 10, 15 at 1:51pm
There are ways you can find out without having to look like you are asking him the direct question. It's how i do it and they usually tell me from that i assume they are with or not with someone. Also i'd use the work time to get to know him more, and also get the project done. Invite him to eat during lunch hours as friends, don't LOOK for the relationship but look for synergy, ask him as a business partner to eat. If he is single, and you are sure you like him.... then you are good to go on asking him out on a date.
cielle
Mar 10, 15 at 5:22pm
@Donnie: When I had my conversations with him, he never mentioned a girlfriend, so I assumed he was single. But I was also told that he might've not said anything about a girlfriend, because people find it annoying. We are usually with other people (when we head to lunch), but we're both the quieter ones, while our other co-workers are incredibly talkative aha, so we're mostly just there listening and laughing at their jokes. But if he does get called in for a project, I'll definitely try to get to know him better. @reisudo: I've actually eaten with him everyday at lunch during that month xD But that's only because a lot of the people at the company like to go together in groups, and watch funny shows/movies back in the meeting room after we get our food. Hm, I don't think I am proactively looking for a relationship, but it's just that I developed a crush on him after he treated me like he did with everyone else, instead of doting on me.
darkschneider
I tend to not date co-workers as a rule. The times I broke that rule it rarely went well. Companies here in the states often discourage people that work together to date, if one of them becomes a manager that has to supervise the other one will usually get transferred or passed up for promotion which can cause friction. It varies from company to company I'm sure. If the relationship goes badly you have to see/work with that person afterwards and can be difficult. I also work with a couple that has been married 22 years and met at their last job lol. It is a gamble....
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