Did I do the right thing or am I just kidding myself?

When I first met my last girlfriend, I was already coming out of a bad relationship with a selfish, goldigging slob who ruined my apartment. She claimed to have been hurt herself, only now do I realize her bi-polar temper was the real culprit. I met her on IMVU, I was so hurt all I talked about was heartbreak being inevitable. More than 2 women before her tried to console me, but I wouldn't listen. At this point I couldn't trust any woman who claimed to be so sympathetic. Sure enough, Casey Hurter came along. Hailing from Colorado, she seemed to have all the signs of someone who was physically and mentally abused like me. She was sweet, understanding and strong-hearted when we first met. She was so miserable with her family, she wanted to move in with me, so she flew all the way here to Delaware just to be with me, but after just one month of living here, we were both convinced to move back to Colorado, where Anime conventions and her friends in the business were abundant with career resources. At first her family were happy to have us, they promised patience, understanding and co-operation as long as I was looking for work. So I did, for 2 weeks I was online looking for new publishers to help my career as an author. Surprisingly, I actually acquired one. The place I work for right now, but that day I came to bring her the good news, she completely changed her mind. She said and I quote: "Well that's very good news for a hobby." As soon as she said that, I was never the same again. Everything I had worked non-stop for to make her happy, she threw away like an ungrateful spoiled brat in a grown woman's body. Man, I thought what I've been through before I met her was bad, but I was wrong. Being lied to, waisting my effort, money and keeping my promises just so she could break her's is the absolute worst ever. So much for being the hero, no one could ever be for me. Then she calls me a crybaby and a child, but I pointed out. I was the one who spent hundreds and thousands of my hard-earned dollars on stupid, unproductive pulip dolls for HER to play with. 23 years old, still plays with dolls, begs for them non-stop til she gets them and she calls ME a child. Give me a break, seriously. That's the most hypocritical, cruel mess ANYONE has ever said to me and not only did she make fun of the good news I tried to give her, I didn't even deserve it to begin with. Now I'm right back where I started before, just like the last lying coniving goldigger did to me. Honestly, I don't know why I even try. As much as I hate to say it, seems like all women are the same. They come to you like a damsel in distress who finds their super hero, you put a roof over their head, you give them all your money, you put food on the table, spend every moment with them, cry with them, hurt with them and what do they do for you? They try to get you fired from the only thing you're ever good at. She said she believed in my work and loved it for the lives I planned to save, I guess that was a lie too, but anyway, maybe this is just temporary, but right now I'm convinced there's nobody like me left. I'm a dying breed, probably soon to be extinct. Not even suicide could save me from the abuse she inflicted on me. I tried hitting myself in the head with a hammer from her dad's tool shed, she tried to stop me, but my grip slipped and I fell to the floor exhuasted. Casey wasn't sympathetic, she didn't feel sorry for the insults she made to drive me to it, she didn't cry. She just stood over me STILL insulting me like a psychotic bully. Does that sound like somebody who loved me? T-T I didn't think so and for what? Because I was making more money than her, trying to be responsible and make her happy at the same time? Honestly, what did I do wrong to bring that monster out of her and why does moving on seem so pointless?

The moral of the story( "blog") is this, don't put your happiness sor far under bull shit that you forget about yourself. Blame every woman if you want, but as it goes, if you're not happy, no one else can make you happy. Also, you're far from a dieing breed, that's a nice pedastal you've built yourself and it's a mighty high fall if I must say so. It gets better if you make it so, just don't go blaming others for your past otherwise you ll set yourself up for failure.

I've been writing for 14 years, she doesn't know the 1st thing about writing a book and yet she still had the audacity to tell me how to work my career. I never once criticized her job working at Michael's Arts & Crafts store. Yeah, she works in a store like that and she calls MY career a hobby. I never been so insulted in my life and I've been insulted by hateful strangers for as long as I can remember. Imagine someone trying to take over your life completely, even your freedom to choose your own career path, the same one you've been studying for years. Her attitude just goes to show, some people don't know what they want and are beyond satisfaction, or don't want to be satisfied unless they are hurting others for their sick, twisted amusement. It's not everyday you wake up and realize you fell in love with a demented, selfish deciever who would say anything to gain your trust, your virginity and your money, but only just to get what SHE wants, not what we wanted as a loving couple. Once she got all those pulip dolls, she didn't need me anymore, so she caused a scene at the house just to break my heart out of the blue and force me to leave without even telling me why she had a change of heart, let alone why she acted so disrespectfully for no reason. One minute you're sitting at the table trying to get your work done, the next you're being verbally and emotionally attacked by the love of your life. One things for sure, not only did she not explain why she flipped out like she did, after that unfortunate experience, I'm much more afraid of women now than I was shy before. Now I'll probably never open up again, look what earning my living has cost me already. Feelings, inner peace, pride and now trust. Is there nobody like me left or is it my destiny to suffer the unjust punishment of the liars, cheaters, sadists and maniacs?

Anyone left like you? I find that rather insulting. I've given so much and taken much myself, but I won't sit and cry about it nor will I blame all women for my choices. Eventually, you will move on. Just don't get so jaded that you throw away what may be a good thing in the future. I'm sorrythat you had to experience such childish behavior and whetheror not you believeit, she will get hers. But, for the love of all that's sane, stop this "nice guy" routine as it does you no justice. All you can do is live and learn just like the rest of us. Live in the past and you're destined to never move on or grow. You took a gamble by moving and guess what? You lost. So? Life is a gamble. Would you give up your career because of a few idiots? Doubtful. So, why talk about giving up now? Sure it hurts now, but as I sad and I'm sure you're aware, it does get better.

That's better and yes, you are right. I've always been taught to do onto others as I would want them to do onto me. That good things come to those who DO good things, but being nice is not a weakness, it's a gift, that deserves appreciation. Despite what others may think or use against it to take advantage, some things are more important than looking out for ONLY yourself. This is not my routine, this is who I am, whether you like it or not I will always be like this, no matter what the cost or the hardship. Because I believe in spreading good will and hope to others regardless of my limitations. Yeah, I waisted my time going down there to try and please the unpleasable, but I proved to myself and those around me, I am a man of my word. That I ALWAYS keep my promises and that's more than anyone's ever done for me. So in a way, the gamble you think I lost, I gained victory in something even better. Self worth, courage, honesty, charity and loyalty, regardless of how everything turned out. Maybe I am just a poor, worthless slave to a bunch of deranged psychopaths, but to the victims who have been oppressed unjustly by the tyrants who hurt them before, I am a hero in the arts of literature. I'm more than just an author, I am a positive philosopher and therapist. I didn't have to help the likes of my ex's kind, if I only looked out for myself I would've let her drown in her family's misery and as a hero, it pains me to see other's suffer. Perhaps the fault IS mine, I took her for a victim who needed my protection and she turned out to be just another villain. The only thing that she did to hurt me is why it happened so suddenly. Everything seemed to be going as we planned, I found work just like I promised I would, but apparently I missed something. I guess she didn't expect me to be so successful in my honor and detication to her love for me, either that, or she was counting on me to fail, by my own hands or not, but you're right, it SHOULD get better. I did what I had to do and I had no trouble keeping my promise, SHE was the one who changed her mind and decided she didn't love me anymore. Can at least anyone understand, under those circumstances WHY someone would want to kill themselves. I gave that woman EVERYTHING she ever asked for, but when the time came to seal the deal, she got cold feet and took it out on me like I was being TOO nice. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! SHE asked for all those things. It's just like that outrageous episode of Divorce Court. A woman wants to seperate from her husband and I qoute: "Because he was too nice." You know what happened to her? She became the laughing stock of that entire courtroom, even the judge was flabbergasted with hylarious surprise. She looked at that poor confused woman as if to say: "Girl is you crazy?! So basically you're telling me, you have a man, this man right here, who would do ANYTHING for you, treat you like the QUEEN you WANT to be and you're divorcing him because you say: "He's too NICE?! NICE?!" Funny, last I checked that was the definition of UNGRATEFUL. Cause when you give someone you love with all your heart everything they could possibly ask for and they put you down before they say thank you. EVERYBODY wonders where they went wrong, I know I did, I still can't figure out why doing what I had to do would just get me into trouble and not the gratitude it deserves. Ya know what I mean? But thank you none the less for the positive support. That sounded much better and thank you again.