Confused; please help me try to understand.

Usually I never rush into relationships because I strongly believe if you can maintain a strong connection between another person for a few months without getting tired of trying - there is a high chance the relationship would work out. I'm all about communication to a certain comfort. See, if I don't know you very well, I will not speak up what's upsetting me and it's not because I don't want to upset you or anything. I'm just not at a comfortable level with you to talk to you about it. I've known this guy since I was 16. I met him at his gig after we met online. I didn't own a car or even know how to drive, so my parents took me.. meaning I had a time limit. Well, I saw his show and was really impressed. He even took me on a ride to go somewhere (I can't remember). He did want to hang out with him after the show was over, but again like I said... I had a time limit, so I ended up going home. We grew up, lived our own lives, we talked then and there, but nothing too lengthy. There were sometimes were he would say really romantic/sexual stuff to me (but in a way that it made it seem like it wasn't really about the sex. More about him craving for a connection with someone mentally and emotionally), but I would brush it off and never take it seriously. Psh, as if I ever had a chance with this guy anyways. I really did like him. DID. A little before June, he would randomly start talking to me, again after a very long year of not hearing from him, so as usual I didn't really pay that much mind to him. Then one night on my way to a small kickback, he messaged me asking me if he could ask me a question. I said sure and he proceeded to ask me if he had any chance of being my boyfriend. At first, I was a little confused because months ago I had saw he was in relationship and he seemed really happy with her. I'm not sure what happened between them, but I'm not going to lie. I have changed A LOT these four years. I can be a cocky bastard, sometimes, but never am serious about it, so I said, "When specifically?" he replied, "June 3rd." and honest to God, I never took this conversation seriously. It basically just followed up about us talking and arranging the dates and such of our upcoming "relationship." Then I cut the bullcrap and told him that he didn't even know me. That I really wasn't the girl he had met those four years ago anymore, but that didn't change him mind. He was intrigued and interested by the woman I have become and he didn't want to lose his chance. This is when he said he was being serious now after I had gone along with everything... I felt like a complete dick, so I didn't want to back out and make him feel bad. I'm a very neurotic person and I'm realistic about everything. My friends are always telling me I should open up more and to not over think anything. To go with it. blah blah. But still in my mind I was like, "There is no way he's serious." "He wouldn't make it actually official" "I'll be fine. It's just a flirty joke." BUT BOY WAS I WRONG. June 3rd came and we were official. Words cannot explain how awkward and weird it was meeting my boyfriend for the first time in person after four years. I actually don't even want to get into it, but I will point out some important factors. I met most of all of his friends. (Not as his girlfriend, though. 'Cause he never said, "This is Jozi. My girlfriend") They just kind of said hello to me and I conversed with them. I met his mom and while she hugged me she said, "It's finally nice to meet you." So that creep me out a little. I got along better with his brother. He said he liked kissing me. The sex was not good. EVERYTHING WAS AWKWARD. I'm really not exaggerating, I mean we did get along. Had some good snuggles and were very affectionate to each other, but overall it just didn't feel right. He seemed really sketchy. Anyways, he dropped me off the next morning (he decided he wanted to pick me up the previous day, so I didn't use my car at all to go see him) and he hugged and kissed me. Told me to text him and that he'd call later that day. I forgot to text him, but in my defense I've never been a good texter and he didn't call me either. The next day I was running zero on sleep, so I had to keep myself from falling asleep at school. I texted him saying, "Good Morning." and we talked till noon then he stopped talking to me all day. He called me twice at 1 am to say goodnight. And honestly I feel like this guy is just fucking with my mind. He messaged me today saying it was really hot today, but I was busy with rubrics at school and forgot to text him back, but I texted him around 6ish saying, "Ayee" and he hasn't replied whatsoever. He's been on Facebook many, many times since it shows. So I have a feeling that he isn't being honest with what he wants and that perhaps he's talking to another girl. I know this was very long, but I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I'm being realistic about my conclusions. My friends told me to be a little more open and daring and I don't even know if I'm doing a good job at it. Also, keep in mind I don't date very often, so I usually don't know what's good or bad. I have really bad anxiety, so my mind will make me think about it over and over again until both my conscious and subconscious mind can agree on it and it hasn't so I've been feeling like shit. I may not know you, but I want a honest to God advice. I really want to break up with him, but there's this part of me that keeps saying "Give it a chance." If you have any questions to help you with your advice, feel free to ask.

Well, if you're curious if he is dealing with another female or doing things you're unsure of just be honest and ask him. I think it might be a bit hasty to assume he is talking to another girl just because he's seen on facebook and rather it sounds like that may be part of you just trying to justify reasons to breaking up with him. It sounds largely like the relationship itself was rushed especially since you guys went through long periods of not talking and when you did it didn't sound like you guys were talking on a very serious level so for him to rush into a relationship sounds like he just wants someone around more than anything and remembered the faint connection you guys did share previously. Only you know what is best for yourself but at the very least I would end the relationship and if you are still possibly interested just remain friends for a while. Use it to help see if you both are putting in the same mutual effort to develop a better friendship that can turn into a relationship. Sorry if this wasn't much of a help but I can at least tell you right now that with the way you sound about this you're trying to justify either staying or leaving, and if you have to debate whether or not you should stay or leave then it most likely means you should leave because it just won't work out.

In all honesty it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. From the information provided it seems to be a relationship for the sake of merely being in a relationship. Your gut is telling you this isn't the best of ideas, that is why it's awkward for you. I could try and give a rather elongated explanation, backing it with some psychology but I wouldn't do it right here - it feels somewhat inappropriate. Then again, the story you provided does seem somewhat surreal.

I agree with ambig. It sounds like it is a relationship that you didn't (and still don't) want. Sure you had a thing for him four years ago, but like you said, you have changed. Also, whether the sex was good or bad, that is something that can be worked on. I have to ask though, with all of your trepidation, why did you have sex? I'm not judging you, most people like sex, but why have sex with someone you didn't appear to have feelings for?

Update: I tried to break up with him today, but it ended up turning into "How should we fix this" kind of thing. He asked me for any suggestions that might improve our "relationship" and I told him he needed to communicate with me a lot better, but he went off about how that's just how he is and that he never instigates conversation. People need to bring it to him which of course made me want to even dump him more, but before I could he said he would try to do better. We haven't spoken since 10 a.m.

I think he's in the mindset where he believes just by saying things will be better they're going to be but it sounds more like he just doesn't really want invest the effort hence why he's saying he "never instigates conversation" and stuff of that nature. The fact you're even adding an update to this thread also makes it seem like you're really unhappy/uncomfortable with the situation. I can't tell you what to do but, again like I said before, you need to do what makes you happy and in this situation it honestly sounds like this is going to be a destructive relationship that you should probably get out of now. Anyways, I hope things work out better for you.

These issues are trivial. Communication is essential for a healthy and successful relationship. If he doesn't know how to communicate then break up with him. "There is no fixing it right now"<<<< Move on. Find someone on your level. You're probably really young. In the infancy stages of a healthy relationship. Talk to him and leave an open communication channel. Let him know the reason for the breakup is the communication factor. Tell him he needs to work on it before investing time into a relationship. Problem solved.

He sounds like either a very interesting guy (keeper, definitely a keeper), or a potential axe-murderer (probably not a keeper). If you're worried that you're "the other woman" then I think that guy with the puppy gave you some sound advice. p.s. By "axe-murderer" I was refering to the kind that murders you with an axe, not the kind that murders axes. I don't think that needs to be specified, but it's the internet so I never assume anything.