Finding somebody

As long as shyness and introversion are not mixed up then I think it is ok to have it if thats something you deal with. I mean I have been in situations where being shy has helped me through life it allowed me to avoid situations that could have been painful. I think being shy or direct each have pros and cons on the matter. Which is why I have been accepting of my shyness but learning when to be direct as well so I can take advantage of both of the good things about them. Thats just my opinion though.

I know I don't put myself out there to be found a lot. I like to work then come home and work with the garden. I have yet to meet people in my area who are into anime. Really I don't know where to even start finding someone into anime other then online which has been fruitless so far. I have found few inactive meetup groups and the Lexington Comic con is more of a move through giant crowds and shop type deal.

To me, its called the dating phase. Its after the initial ask out and where you see if you're compatible. It can last for a few days to several weeks. If you truly like each other, it just kinda grows into a full fledged relationship. If not, its something that tends to wind down to where you're just friends or don't talk for awhile.

oooo this is a hard one i never really figured out how this actually worked the few relationships iv been in iv just kind of tripped into...iv always been extra ordinarily dense when it comes to guys im just proud of my self when i actually catch their flirting with me and i don't do something awkwardly stupid like ask if they are just to make sure im not going into lala land again (it happens from time to time)...*sigh* the worst part is that either i get nervous and start acting weirder than my usual self or verbal diareeha explodes and i get all jumpy and more hyper active than normal.*flops head down on desk* youd think being 23 and having been married previously that i would have more finesse at this. normally i just go up and ask the guy if they want to go out for lunch or something TT_TT but only if i can get my tongue untied enough to do it. then i pray to all the gods and goddesses i know that i wont scare them away right off the bat.

I'm a little conflicted actually. To me it sounds good in theory to be friends first, as you get to know the person better first, but then it seems that the risk of being friend zoned goes up exponentially. On the other hand, how many girls are comfortable with a complete stranger asking them out? I'd imagine it could be pretty nerve-racking for a girl to go out with some guy she doesn't even know, given the risks. It seems to me that a middle ground is necessary, unless you already know the other person is attracted to you. I feel that it's necessary to at least have a little bit of friendly chatter first. Perhaps even meet in person just to be acquainted. I for one prefer meeting in person, though that's not always feasible. If you've had some friendly conversation and then met in person, I feel like that would be a good precursor to showing actual interest in them. But it seems to me that some girls prefer being friends first (it would make them feel more safe), while others just want it to be up front with intentions clear from the start. How would one determine if a girl is a friends first vs to the point type? Sure you could just ask them, but then if they say they want to be friends first how do you then determine if that means friend zoned vs literally friends first then we'll see? Does it make a difference if you meet in person vs meeting online? As in, would the direct approach work better meeting in person, where the friends first approach works better online? I'm probably over-thinking it.

I'm kind of with xueli earlier there. Too many times have I landed myself in the friend zone, so from here on I plan to be more upfront about it. If it doesn't work out, at least we both didn't waste our time that much.

Attraction is important and I think you can drop hints as soon as you're aware you're interested in getting to know the other person that way. You don't have to outright ask for a date, but leave a flirty comment or message and see if they flirt back in turn. Flirty is the inbetween being friendly and forward. It's trying to find that playful banter that is dancing on the edge of sexy for both parties. It's when the flirting flies WAY OVER their head that you might want to consider a direct approach. Or when the other person is just flirty in nature and once a boundary has been crossed they say 'stop and keep it at friendly' that you accept you had fun while it lasted and move on.