yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
>>This is me thinking out loud. It's dumb psychology shit, so proceed only if you want some bitter tea from a complete moron trying to fix the dead hamster in their brain. Also it's pretty personal, but whatevs, no one reads this shit. lol<<
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So, I have a tendency to over analyze myself when I have a falling out with someone. While it is usually a them problem for sure, it doesn't mean it isn't a me problem. I am an obnoxious perfectionist, and I am harsh with myself because I want to hold myself accountable and be the person I want to be.................................
The recurrent theme seem that I attract people a little high on the narc scale/in the dark triad. So I have to go through and figure out why? So I did reading. These are the things I know::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
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+I have/live with an abusive narc/sociopathic parent.
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+ I am a deeply empathic person who has a bad habit of wanting to help before asking if someone wants help. I am actively working to fix this, but nonetheless it's a problem right now.
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+I don't like to assume badly of people, so I overlook my intuition even though it's never been wrong on this stuff.
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+I have crippling Imposter Syndrome, so a part of having low self-esteem, though I am ambitious as hell pining for a fiddler's soul.
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+On the narc scale, I'm toward the bottom of the middle. So pretty average overall.
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So, looking at my About profile... I feel like I need to rewrite it. I give so much info or say too little and I know that's a problem. Which is funny because I'm a writer. So this should be easy shit, but I usually write about characters. Not myself. Hm... maybe I should write it like I am a character? It'd be a good exercise for myself either way.
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Though another piece of the puzzle is I'm looking for someone so specific that maybe it's unfair. I don't think it's unrealistic, but then I'm me and maybe I have a bias that I'm not acknowledging?
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So, some people read this, if you are, feel free to give your opinion here. If you need to know what I'm looking for I'll answer that in PM, since it's... odd............
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I can handle brutal honesty even if I'm a sensitive potato, I care *more* about being a good person. So I work hard to do that. Thanks, my hamster is still dead though....... x.x
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Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I understand in a sense how you feel. I have a habit of being very soft on people (not overly soft, I can be stern) but I always speak to myself very harshly, even to the point it seems I hate myself with the way I speak to me. And you attracting narc/sociopathic people doesn't sound too off, it's like how if someone is abused when growing up they are more likely to show sime traits like their abuser OR mainly date someone with the same attitude(s), I think in that area, maybe you are subconsciously gravitating towards what you know. Even if that thing isn't necessarily good for the rest of your health/mental health, of course I'm not trying to diagnose, I'm in no position to do so, just giving my thoughts is all ^^
yuuzora @yuuzora Definitely. The person who was helping with my About page pointed out that I definitely came off as 'broken that needs fixing' which definitely attracts narcissists/dark triad sorts. I fixed it with sé's help, though. So hopefully less of that. It's why I have not left this site since I came back. Honestly it's the first social media place that isn't completely toxic. Lots of fun and nice people.
As for being harsh on yourself, it is a bad habit. I hope you're able to give yourself at least a few compliments a day. :)
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Yeah, I'm happy you seem to be someone who doesn't mind criticism or critique, you try to hear out people and that's a breath of fresh air. I know! I am working on trying to love myself more (not to the point of being a narcissist of course lol) and just speaking to myself kinder and with some semblance of respect ^^, it's a challenge but one worth getting through I know
yuuzora @yuuzora Oh yes. I care about trying to be the person I think I am, so that means being able to recognize when work needs to be done.
You're worth the effort to loving yourself. The people around you can tell you that, all you have to do is believe them. Though admittedly that's hard than it sounds. And narcissists are only about 10% their experiences. Usually they develop naturally as they age. When we're kids, we're supposed to be self-centered, but if we don't grow out of that stage it becomes a problem in society. It's why psychologists do not diagnose psychopathy, sociopathy, etc until a person's brain is fully developed.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying That's very admirable how aware you try to be of yourself, practicing what you preach is what I'd say I guess? I understand not wanting to appear and seem hypocritical, especially if you correct someone on an issue but then you do/practice/tolerate the same things you complain about to others in your own life. That's another thing I meant to mention is that I get overanalyzing your actions and fretting over them XD, I do the same as I try and be someone who isn't immediately biased or will assume one thing over a person vs another. -------------------------------- That makes sense that they can diagnose something when they are older. I sometimes wonder if it's not that they can't see it in a child, but it's just as you said: "When we're kids, we're supposed to be self-centered-" so if they do see narcissistic/sociopathic traits they just assume it's kids being kids? Just throwing out thoughts is all, and I would also assume the environment they grow up in can possibly help determine the way they turn out. Of course as all things work in childhood, but especially with certain conditions like those, I do begin to wonder if a bit more aid in a person's childhood could help with their sociopathy and narcissism?
yuuzora @yuuzora The practice of not diagnosing children with those disorders does have exceptions. Usually cases where a child has killed/hurt something/someone. They're rare, though. While most toddlers will have a great sense of empathy, some aren't so lucky. It can take us a while to learn to care for others because of that self-centered nature. We are, after all, the center of our own universe. Basically every kid goes through phases and being a nitty little edge lord is one of those phases. Pegging a kid with a serious disorder too quickly can actually become a bit of a Munchausen Syndrome. Basically that self fulfilling prophecy.------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A small example is one of my older nephews.(adopted oldest brother) He was on his way to becoming a sociopath. When he was about 9 he killed a cat(largely accidental). Everyone thought he was a psychopath, but I stepped in and forced him to bury the cat. As he was digging the little hole, he started crying and told me he didn't mean to. As I sat there and talked to him, it became clear(and sadly still is) that all his acting out was a cry for his dad to give him some sort of affection or validation(toxic masculinity sort of guy, though he's improved over the years of me kicking his ass). I did talk to his dad, not much came of it. But from then on, he at least had me and the rest of the family as support. With us treating him how we thought he'd turn out, was part of the problem. So when it comes to clinical diagnosis it's important to be careful in judgements until all the facts are known and the behavior isn't linked to something more. :)
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying That makes a lot of sense. Especially since most kids can pick up on things really quickly, you don't want to diagnose the kid with something and then treat them with things they don't need and then also get them thinking they do have it, especially with how trusting kids tend to be I can't imagine trying to forget and unlearn the misdiagnosis when you are older. And I'm glad you and some others were able to show some understanding towards your nephew and guide him to being a bit more empathetic, all people need (especially in the young stages of life) is some care, understanding and nurturing as we've been talking about ^^. I'm happy he got better and had some support at least
yuuzora @yuuzora Same. He became suicidal as a teen and I'm happy he thought to call me, since I was in the training phase of suicide prevention program. Now he's a big boy working as a handy man. He still wishes his dad would acknowledge him more, but he knows he's got people that love him as he is. Every kid needs just one person to believe in them, and they will go on to great things.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I'm happy to hear he can be honest with himself about his dad. My twin and I were just talking about how we feel some people don't truly heal because they try so hard to deny the relationship they may want with a biological family member, I think it's okay to admit you'd love to have a proper working relationship with your sister/brother/mom/dad or something, and also personally fine for you to know you can live without it. In the sense of them not returning your affections (no matter how much it can hurt) won't stop you from living your life. I'm happy he called somebody, I have people within my family that have felt suicidal before as well
yuuzora @yuuzora Hnhn. I don't think he's fully healed, but he at least has support. Yeah, suicidal thoughts are a sadly common phenomenon. While I was glad to be apart of the prevention programs, seeing its limited scope is really sobering to the work we have to curb mental health crises.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying As long as he has support he can overcome the rest of his process, I believe in him ^^, I do hope he can continue to grow and heal more every single day while remembering to take things slow and patiently. I hope you and anyone else assisting in suicide prevention are strengthened by the lives you save and change, that kind of work must be very tiring to handle and see everyday. I can't imagine what it'd be like to be there if a suicidal person still took their life anyway, just, thank you for your willingness and bravery to help
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
I'm so excited for this year! <3 Do you have any plans for Lunar New Year?
Ghost's office
Ghost @kuharido
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Ghost's office
Ghost @kuharido
https://i.ibb.co/8mD8xmB/FB-IMG-1704421545247.jpg
Ghost @kuharido I don't have any currently but something might come up.
Ghost @kuharido I have to look up if Dragon is a good year for snakes
yuuzora @yuuzora It is! I am a snake, too! <3
Ghost @kuharido That's good. Dragons and snakes would be friends I imagine
yuuzora @yuuzora My bestie is a Dragon. :D We've been friends since 2004
Ghost @kuharido my Western zodiac is Virgo. That's really cool you and your besties zodiac signs get along aswell.
yuuzora @yuuzora Mine is Aries, hers is Aquarius. She's pretty stereotypical for her western zodiac. What about your bestie? How similar/complimentary are you?
Ghost @kuharido I'm not sure about their zodiac signs most of my friends are not really into that stuff ^^;
yuuzora @yuuzora I see. lol. My sisters aren't either. But my bestie really into it. But you can at least say you have friends, so that's something.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Ah I see. Yeah. I see what you're saying. Because even the nicest person can be trash underneath. Like make them fill out their taxes on dial-up and see what they're made of. Though seriously, building a relationship takes degrees of familiarity and getting that right away is in most cases unreasonable.
Even if a person is brutally honest, they might also not be keen on talking about themselves. There's also the people who hit too many corners of the dark triad... they basically ruin trust for everyone else. I do wonder if they can be made aware of their behavior, but chances are that it just makes them a better manipulator.
Curly-tana @forgetmenot
Curly-tana @forgetmenot
Yeah, but realistically. Never put any hope onto love at first sight. You ever play a game and farming for a rare item and it takes you hours on hours? It's like that but hours = years. I do take great pride in my luck, in understanding of its worth.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Your opinion is still valid. If anything I think people listen more because you're a guy. And that is a good point. To be fair, I'm basically ace, so the thought of immediate attraction is a very foreign concept to me.
Desperation=Danger
Curly-tana @forgetmenot
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Desperation=Danger
Curly-tana @forgetmenot
Just a side note, people are WAY less likely to listen to my advice, probably because I'm not a girl, but so be it. Right. Now, I'm just gonna clear the air right quick. Have to disagree to the first statement, because every once in awhile... Love at first sight happens and works out. Like with me. Gives me the bragging rights, don't you think? But... for the love of god, please don't chase that fantasy. It's not worth betting on. It all comes down to luck. Now, luck and fate are often confused with one another, but let me assure you that luck is a perfectly valid reason for fate to play. Anyways. Dum-dum's advice works with more than just relationships. Think. How often do we me make mistakes because we neglected preparation? Even unknowingly to us. Trust me, I'm a huge procrastinator. I know how much it sucks. Always take advice for more than it's worth. You can find so much more meaning if you just take an extra few moments to think, even if you already know what you want.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
E, it'll just depend. What timezone are you in? I'm in PMT though I basically operate in two timezones because of my work. You read my about? It's mostly a disclaimer, but it's straightforward so you know what you're getting into.
Shared content unavailable.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Back in me uni days, I used to do this with the sharp end of my compass. (the kind you use to draw circles) and yeah, you do bleed. x.x
20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
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20 Questions
Ghost @kuharido
1. Do you read manga?
Indeed, I do
https://media1.tenor.com/m/W9eBzEo-0xsAAAAC/baobhan-sith-tam-lin-tristan.gif
2. Have you ever read a full color manga?
Yeah, read a couple
https://media1.tenor.com/m/wJbcatwT09EAAAAC/coloring-draw.gif
3. Do you read in several languages?
Just English, haven't been able to pick another language. I have tried but my brain has a hard time with it.
https://media1.tenor.com/m/neBqLCZD0SwAAAAC/slightly-angry-eiji.gif
https://media1.tenor.com/m/5vKepoR-BLcAAAAC/sailor-moon-anime-gif.gif
4. Would you rather be a haunted potato field or a haunted peach tree?
That's a bit of a hard question but probably a peach tree so I could be a peach tree in the Mediterranean. Although I am used to forests and urban areas so potato field would probably be more familiar.
https://media1.tenor.com/m/5MMeGl5xaSsAAAAC/inazuma-eleven-go-inago.gif
5. Have you ever been stabbed?
I stabbed myself with staples by accident. Does that count? Hurt a bunch cause it was on the fingertips
https://media1.tenor.com/m/g-xYUYwqUXgAAAAC/pen-stab-nichijou.gif
Edit:
I should add that thanks to Google translate I have been able to read articles or find PDFs in other languages like Russian, Chinese, Japanese, etc. of stuff I am interested in.
https://media1.tenor.com/m/O38iANxFRP8AAAAC/haruhi-suzumiya-haruhi.gif
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Of course.
xxx @__removed_zen_ryuji
xxx @__removed_zen_ryuji
Thanks for showing your support, yuuzora and New Year Mommy.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
I want to run a bit of an experiment... to try that 'six degrees of contact' to find someone very specific... I am unsure it will yield results. But I'm willing to give it a go. Message me if you're curious about it.
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
Message me if you need help, too. I've dealt with stalkers as well. <3
Mommy’s Random Thoughts
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
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Mommy’s Random Thoughts
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
(5:51 PM Wed.) I don't know if I have a stalker online? It's nothing creepy or too bad really, I'm just curious on if it's a complete freak accident that this person and I get the same video on our feed? Or if this person is managing to find every comment section I'm in and liking my posts? XD I'm honestly leaning towards we manage to watch the same exact stuff, which is actually really cool to me!
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Thank you lots, Yuu-chan. I'll definitely message you as well if I need some help <3
yuuzora @yuuzora Here for you. <3
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Same for you as well, Yuu-chan. I don't know if I could ever truly be as much help, but I am here if you need someone to just simply listen ^^
yuuzora @yuuzora
yuuzora @yuuzora
By delusions, I mean certain disorders like schizophrenia or DiD/MPD. They're heavily stigmatized and deeply misunderstood, but not everyone can handle that level of illness.
20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
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20 Questions
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying
1. That they are a famous person and hold concerts every night from 7 pm to 12 am. That's my way of saying I'm not sure, my constant friends have been my family and I've never had a boyfriend, but in the end when push comes to shove I don't tolerate certain things. I can be patient, very much so, but if you are starting to become toxic or such I can't do any more than what I've tried to be patient on you with or for
2. No I haven't had to
3. Physically, not to save my life. But I'm pretty good at handling situations at the end of the day I'd like to think, deescalate something before it even starts lol
4. Yes, I suppose when it's some specific? (But still don't read as often as I maybe should?) Like the Bible, biographies (especially depending on what the person's life was like) and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (that was actually really enjoyable to read lol)
5. Yes, I think I am. I actually can think a bit too much so sometimes I create multiple scenarios for something, whether it's an issue or not
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I know you meant that, but I am not sure I can properly answer as I don't know anyone with severe issues like that. I didn't feel comfortable with answering anything specific as I don't truly know and can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to be around mental disorders like that, you know?
yuuzora @yuuzora Yeah, I had to think about it. I guess it isn't common for people to work with mental illnesses like that. I'm just used to it as a volunteer at VOCA and a suicide prevention program. I do that a lot. x.x
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I actually do take an interest in learning about severe mental disorders like that, I remember watching a whole documentary about DID/MPD when I was a kid XD. I do think it'd be interesting to meet a mental health patient like that, but I'd be too worried I'd slip up or something, I would at least want to try once being around someone like that to see if I could handle it well. I guess my logic is I don't know unless I don't give it a shot, but once again I think I'd be sooooo nervous to slip up. And that's kind of you to work in places like that, I can't imagine it's easy on the mind all the time
yuuzora @yuuzora Unless a person with schizophrenia has severe untreated symptoms, they're pretty normal. You could probably have talked to someone with both those disorders and not know it. *cough cough cough* Anyway, it is good to know you are an understanding person who likes to expand your range of knowledge to become more empathic. <3
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Yeah, I remember watching a video about a guy who had it, schizophrenia seems so scary to have especially the heavy paranoia aspect of it. But-and not glorifying the illness-the man seemed endearing and sweet despite it all, and I know people just need patience in the end. Of course having an issue doesn't truly excuse any harm done by them, but it is a reason and ultimately people just need some tender love and care...at least to me XD, not many people would agree nowadays I'm sure <3
yuuzora @yuuzora That you would be one of the few is the sad part. For the most part, people with Schizophrenia and other such disorders are no harm to anyone, except maybe to themselves. The likeliness anyone with Schizophrenia or DiD will commit a violent crime is like 10%. That's 10% of the total in history that we know about. When it's managed well with medication and therapies, they're just normal people. No thanks to movies and TV, they're demonized to the point where some of them won't even tell their families or friends. Which is why the rates of homeless with such disorders are tragically high. I have talked down many, many men from ledges who simply did not want to be a danger to anyone anymore. When they hear you see them as human and completely understand their fear, it's like a light goes on in their heads. It makes it easy at that point to get them to come down and get help.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying That's so sad :(. Another issue is is that people have different experiences with different people (the different experiences isn't the issue XD), but it seems like when a person or group of people have a bad experience with one person...sadly people tend to write off that bad experience as a whole for the person with said mental issue. People need to just truly try to understand the person and if they feel like they still can't tolerate or handle being around someone with an issue like that, I'd rather have them admit it politely and move on. Cause not everyone is meant to take care of people with severe mental or physical illnesses, you know? It's like how my grandma (who has dementia) is living with my family now cause our aunt isn't someone who is personally capable of handling that illness
yuuzora @yuuzora Exactly. Sometimes the most compassionate thing a person can do is recognize they cannot care for someone and step down to allow someone else help them. That's what respite care is all about.
As a collective, humans have completely forgotten empathy. In order to survive this extinction event, we'll need to remember.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I'm so glad someone else agrees. My sisters and I have been recently talking about how sometimes a person that can admit they can't do something sounds more wise or mature than someone who just tries to do something to do it. I can get if someone admitted they wanted to try taking care of someone, a job, etc. once to see if they could handle it, but people need to realize there is absolutely no shame in admitting you can't take care of certain people. Especially since not every person is doing it out of malicious intent, it's just something they personally can't handle and that's okay...but I guess another issue is how we live in a society that can and does shame people for not being able to do something. And God forbid it is something having to do with mental/physical illness or disabilities, they'll cry every person is an ableist lol
yuuzora @yuuzora Exactly. You can still love and care for that person, but admit you're in over your head. It isn't abandoning them, it's asking for help. Which is why nursing homes exist. When someone needs professional help, and you're not a professional. It doesn't mean you stop visiting, sending cards, calling, etc. There's many ways to show you care and knowing your limits is required for that to work out. The most often people who cry out something is ableist often don't really sit and listen to the people with the disorder.
While there were a lot of naysayers for Moon Knight, I actually almost cried because it was the first time in film history that DiD/MPD and Schizophrenia wasn't portrayed as evil, crazy killer. Sad, but true.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying I loved Moon Knight! Marc is so endearing and just a confused, scared, nervous little baby bean UwU. I think another issue is that sadly so many people are used to something being portrayed as offensive that-as you said-they tend to not listen and just automatically assume it's going to be offensive and rude towards the disabled and mentally ill. Of course I'm not saying people still get it right, sadly there still is a huge issue with people writing disorders and illnesses like it's glamorous and cute when it's not, those people tend to really struggle or suffer in day to day life. But sometimes all parties need to just relax and listen, especially if someone says something wrong or incorrect about a disorder or illness you are calm enough to correct them on it. And then if they keep insisting on said rude things...then you get mad XD
yuuzora @yuuzora Lol. Seriously. The man who played the character actually sat down with people who have DiD and took notes. So he did an amazing job. Anyone who was complaining was just trying to do that 'advocating' thing but they didn't bother to ask people with DiD if they needed anyone to say something.
And more so with younger girls, they like the 'mystery' but don't realize how painful and isolating it is. I managed to get myself half-cancelled on a quiz site where I was an editor because I called some people out for it. It was a real shit show dealing with young people who don't have thought out arguments. Though most of the time those are the bullies who are just bored and want an excuse to hurt someone. >_>
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Oh gosh! I hate when people do that weird advocating for someone when it's 1. Not even needed and 2. They don't even know how that group of people really feel XD. It's the same with people that try and cry "cultural appropriation" anytime someone just simply wears a traditional garb of some place, then the people complaining about that don't even realize the actual Natives of that place are just happy someone is wearing their stuff and keeping their culture alive lol. And that's so cool how the actor for Marc in MK actually took time to learn from them, when people go so far as to understand what they are writing about or acting, it makes the movie/show even better. Also, sorry you had to deal with immature young people XD, that must've been frustrating
yuuzora @yuuzora I'm a volunteer counselor, so I'm mostly used to it. But there are the brats who have a tantrum over things like the wearing of kimono by "non japanese" people. Which is why I advise people to point to part of the garment and ask them ,"Oh? You know so much about this kimono? What kind of kimono is it? Can you tell me? No? You can't? Then shut. your. cake. hole"
Usually they shut it, but sometimes they look through your *entire* comment history(because they have nothing better to do) to find anything mildly problematic so they can 'cancel' you. Kids these days really need better hobbies.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying They really do need better hobbies, I agree XD. It's also stupid of them because some reason we live in a culture and time where it's popular to try and destroy people, it's like if that person trying to cancel you themselves isn't popular or well off in life, they don't want anyone else to be either XD
yuuzora @yuuzora Basically. Those ones can't usually be helped except by beating their ass. There are genuinely good kiddos out there, though. They just need more opportunity and a glimpse of hope that their future is as bright as they're willing to polish it to be.
Rose Mommy ® @wei_ying Yeah, as we've stated before it's about being patient and willing to help people learn. That's sometimes why people never truly learning or receiving help, because somebody got too impatient with them and just immediately wrote them off as a lost cause or bad and that was it, they didn't take time to correct and discipline out of love. They just gave up on people smh
