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altipharius

altipharius

29 year old Female
Single
Last online over 7 years ago
FL
Hello there~ ♪
I'm Alphi, and the first thing you should know about me is that I love typing very long walls of text! I always have a lot to say about anything, especially when it comes to myself, so if you don't enjoy reading very much, you'd probably best move along now. ^^ For those who do enjoy reading, welcome to my profile! Feel free to take your time and read through however much you'd like. Whether you decide to message me or not afterwards, thank you for your time and I wish you the best of luck.

The next thing I need to mention will doubtlessly turn most of you away. But I do not mind that, I understand the reasons why, and it is completely understandable. Normally people would not openly state something like this, but would wait to bring it up in a private conversation. However, I do not wish to waste anyone's time, and I prefer being completely honest from the very beginning, so I choose to speak of it here - I am currently in a relationship, and living with that person, and I am very unhappy in it. I will not brood over the details here, but privately I am more than willing to answer any and all questions about it. The only reason that I am still living with that person is because I will be homeless if I don't. So, it must be understood that I am searching for a new relationship completely in secret, because they are the type of person who will throw me out if I ask to just be friends. Because I can't risk them finding this profile, the location I have listed is not actually where I live, it is instead a beloved place I lived for a few years in my childhood, so please keep that in mind if you are looking for someone who lives nearby. I will only devulge my real location privately.

In order to not risk my home, awful as it may be, the accounts (such as Discord and Skype) that I will use to speak with anyone who is interested in me will be secret, alternate accounts that my partner is not aware of. I am taking great care to keep them private and secure. As much as I'd wish to simply use my actual accounts, my partner is the type who reads my messages behind my back, so I am unable to do so. And because I have a feeling I may get some messages about this subject, I will go ahead and state the following: I am aware that what I'm doing isn't right. If I had a choice to be honest with this person and tell them that our relationship cannot be repaired at this point and they know it as well, I would. I have no issue to remain friends with them until I can safely leave. However, they and their mother would sooner kick me out without a second thought should I even slightly act as though our romance is over. Again, I will devulge any details about any of this privately. I simply ask that whoever is reading this would not mindlessly judge without knowing the full situation. If I recieve any messages like that, I will simply ignore them, as I don't have the time to argue about morals.

I just want to live fully. I want to be me, and find the person who can love me for that, and who I may love in return for being them. I do not believe the pursuit of one's true happiness is a bad thing, no matter what sins one must take on to do so, as long as they are doing within reason what they can to not hurt another. I do not take pride in doing it this way, but I must, for my own sake.
Because I will be using secret accounts, and because my partner very closely watches everything I do, I cannot guarantee that I will always be able to check and respond to messages in an extremely timely manner. I apologize greatly in advance for this, and I ask for patience, because I will definetly reply as soon as I can, when it is safe for me to do so. If my situation bothers you, and you feel that you cannot interact with me under these terms, I understand, and you may move along now. I wish you luck in finding the right person for you. If you are okay with this and understand my more limited availability as far as exchanging words goes, then please feel free to continue reading.

With that out of the way, who am I? I know plenty of people don't really write too much on their profiles, but for me it is very important to. I want to reveal as much basic information about myself as I can, in order for people to know more about me from the beginning. I feel like it's much easier to start a conversation with someone when you have some knowledge about them already. Additionally, if there are some things about me that would really put someone off, or really attract them to me, then that can also help sort out who would be a good match or not, platonically or romantically. ^^ I am certainly okay with inquiries that are forever-platonic intended, as well, but it may take some time and a lot of trust before I share my true accounts with you, because I cannot risk someone telling my partner about this. ^^;

Though I am indeed here looking for romance, I very much dislike it when a conversation instantly goes there, and within 10 minutes I'm being asked for kisses and sex. ^^; I don't believe that's the right way to court someone. If someone cannot be your best friend, they cannot be your romantic partner. I'm not going to put a time limit for romance, but please don't immediately rush to that. ;w; Please get to know me first, as I will you.

I very much enjoy drawing. I draw digitally in a "cute anime" style, though I often wish I could draw really cool things like armor and Gods and fantasy beings. ;w; This is a drawing that, in the time of this writing, I am currently working on: http://imgur.com/MX4XWtb It is a picture of how I feel one version true self would look. ^^ Due to a stressful and hectic situation, and artist's block, I have not fully finished a drawing in some months, but here is one that I completed last year: http://imgur.com/wWPiNEM I have only been practicing art for 3 years, so I am not too good at it yet, but it is something I really like. ^^ I hope to one day be able to properly put the things in my mind onto paper!

I love coming up with stories as well. High-fantasy epic stories are my forte, though sadly I have not actually written too much. I have always been underconfident in my writing potential, but it feels a bit ironic to say that when I always write walls and walls of text, like on this profile, about everything else. ^^; One of my goals in life is to actually get into writing out my ideas, regardless of whether they could be published or not.

I also really want to get into making music! (So many creative pursuits... it makes me so sad that I don't have the time for all of them. /w\) I played the violin in middle school and still remember all the notes to this day. Really, I'm interested in making electronic music, but it seems extremely difficult to get into. ;;

I enjoy listening to a variety of music, but my favorite genres are epic orchestral, hardcore electronic, and recently I've gotten a bit into metal and rock.
Two Steps From Hell is my favorite band/artist ever. <3 Their music is so beautiful and it inspires me for all of my stories and creative pursuits. ;w;
Some songs of theirs that I'd like to share are these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H25iM7eRiIQ, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdotDI4azKw, and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-Dh3ftkRAs.

Outside of creative pursuits, I love playing MMORPGs. Right now I'm playing Black Desert Online and Final Fantasy XIV. I dislike MOBAs such as League of Legends because I don't enjoy PvP-focused games and because the community makes me lose faith in humanity, but I'm willing to play them on co-op mode, even if it makes me a filthy casual~ I'm always open and willing to try new games with others, as I believe playing them together is an excellent way of deepening your bond and getting to know them! If anyone who would talk to me is interested in Black Desert or Final Fantasy, I would be very happy to play with them. ^^ I am willing to play games with people I'd meet on here openly around my partner because if something is accidently said, it can easily be hidden by spamming the chat or switching to another chat tab.

I can never imagine a life where, in my free time, I just play video games and that's it. ^^; Some days I get lazy and end up doing that, but.. I always want to do more than just "exist." I need ambition. I need to let my creativity flow out. I need to study the things that interest me and improve myself. I can't just stay static, it drives me insane.

As one might infer by now, I am very into anime. I used to be very hardcore into it, but these days I tend to just casually watch currently airing anime. ^^; I have grown to love my own stories and characters to the point where I don't need to watch as much anymore. I enjoy all kinds of anime, but slice-of-life tends to bore me, and the badly written ecchi harem light novel adaptations fail to capture my interest.

I also love to cook, to travel, spirituality, sociology, psychology, anthropology, archeology, basically everything actually! I find most things to be interesting, and I'm never one to turn down knowledge.

Now, all of that stuff above is important information to some degree, but.. what really matters, more than shared interests, is the deeper stuff.

I am pansexual. I don't care about gender whatsoever. I do find more masculine personality traits to be far more attractive, but I don't care if they come from a guy, a girl, trans, cis, or anything in-between. I am a cis female, and am comfortable with that, though I have some masculine-type traits as well. If I had been born a male, I would be okay with that, too. To me, it just isn't something that matters as much as the person themself.

I am also fine with polyamory as long as it is absolutely equal. Not just one person having two lovers who are just okay with each other (something I dislike about my current relationship), but people who all have truly romantic feelings for each other. I am fine with monogamy as well. I am basically just open to anything as long as there is true love in it. The thing I am not okay with is when someone in a relationship wants to go around having sex with every slightly interesting person they meet. ;; I'm not really into the whole "open relationship" thing. Now, I do not mind experimenting with someone else together with my partner, but it must be something we both mutually agree with and would enjoy.
On the subject of sex, I have a lower sex drive, and I'm extremely demisexual. (I know some people, including myself, debate on whether demisexuality is just default or not, but I seriously do not enjoy the concept of sex at all unless the person is basically my best friend) I do not agree with being forced into doing sexual things when both people are not mutually in the mood to do so. I am not a servant when it comes to sex. If my partner is in the mood and I am not, my response will be for them to take care of it themselves. xD Tmi, perhaps, but I know a lot of people have an issue with this, so I felt it important to say! I don't feel like it's a lovers job to do sexual favors whenever their partner feels like it. If you feel differently, you may move along, this is something I refuse to compromise on.

On the dominant/submissive side, I am a Switch but I lean a bit more towards sub. However, I definitely relate to being a "brat." (A naughty submissive who sometimes rebels against the Dom) The way I see a Dom... they are someone I absolutely respect and admire, but I seek to be like them one day. I want to be stronger and wiser, so I can stand by their side in all ways! It isn't too important for me to fulfill any of my BDSM cravings, or have a Dom... it is just something I feel like I'd enjoy if those people see my profile. ^^

The only real fetish I actually have that I am aware of is stuffing / weight gain. I am quite fat and have an incredibly slow metabolism, so if you enjoy that sort of thing, well, I am that way. xD I don't mind if my partner is fat or not, but I would definitely try and fatten them up even if they aren't into it. ^^; I am a feeder and a feedee. I don't believe in immobility, and health is still the most important. I just think it's adorable when people gain weight in relationships. <3333 And when someone specifically wants to fatten up the other person? @//@ Oh my. *pants* It's no requirement, but it's something I am quite into, and would like if my significant other at least gave it a chance. /w\ I am also willing to experiment with new things as well!

My societal life goals... I am 22 years old, but because my parents passed away years ago, I was unable to ever begin college. My situation is complicated, and a long story, but I would very much like to start college. All I have been able to do as far as "adult" things go is have a few random part-time retail jobs. I think college is very important, as fucked up as the system is, because I would never want to be stuck doing retail forever.... that's no way to live, because of the pay, and the job itself. If I can get away with it monetarily, I would do part-time job and full-time college. I am not entirely sure what I want to study yet, but I have a few ideas. As it stands now in my situation, I am unable to begin college in the state I live in for an entire year, because of residency. For now, I am simply looking for a part-time job so I can save money to get out of here once I am able to find someone.

So... ideally... yes, I am looking to find a romantic partner and move in with them in the near future. However, I will not move in with anyone else unless I have built up more trust in them than I ever had with my partner. Because if I leave here, and things don't work out wherever I go, I will be screwed, for lack of a fancier way of saying so. I will be very picky before making that decision. I will demand for us to meet in real-life first if it is in any way possible to do so. My current situation is awful, but... I don't want to end up out on the streets because I rushed into something. I fully embrace being patient with these things, so I ask that the other person will as well. I have been with my current partner for 3 and a half years, and have been miserable for most of it. Even so, it will still break my heart to have to leave them, no matter how incompatible we are, and I will still be risking a roof over my head, as much as I hate pretending. So, it's absolutely important to me that I make the right decision with who I will be with.

I'm not a fool. I know many people on here would just want a sex slave in return for giving them a home. I'm not into that, and I can easily tell if you are. Start acting that way, get blocked immediately because I don't have time to waste on idiots like that.
I am also not interested in anyone outside of the United States. As much as I'd love to get out of this country, it's just too complicated and often impossible to switch citizenship.

Outside of that, I don't care too much about finances or the other person's status in society because I myself am proof that being intelligent and having ambitions doesn't always equal success. I had bad luck, bad circumstances, and that's why I'm here today, without a degree or a good job or a car or anything. As long as you're not complacent with eternal retail, I don't care what you have, as long as we can work something out when the time comes.

Oh, and I'm not into smoking drugs, and I'd prefer to stay away from people who are really into that stuff. Occasionally, whatever. But if you have to do it to be happy.... I prefer people who are capable of making themselves happy on a basic level. If you drink, I don't care, but no abusive drunks. xD

Friends are very important to me. Of course, lover is #1, but I need more than that to be satisfied in life. I have went through some very dark times, and I've done a lot of bad things socially, but I am finally getting over a lot of that stuff, and reaching out to people again. I don't want a super jealous person who is going to get in the way of me having friends (another thing I dislike about my current partner). I like to hug my friends, to be platonically intimate with them. If you can't stand your lover showing love and kindness to anyone other than yourself, even platonically.. you aren't for me.

I've written all of this, but it feels like I still haven't really said much. ;; There's much, much more... but in order to prevent this from turning into a 10-page novel, I will go ahead and stop here. Any knowledge beyond this is the kind that will be learnt from communicating and spending time together anyway.

If anyone has read through this and is interested in speaking to me, I would prefer you to not message me through this website, because it will take me waaaay longer to see it. Instead, my quicker contact methods are below:

Skype: vhaagar
Discord: Alia#4902
E-mail: vhaagar@gmail.com