my first story. Void

A young guard, who lived in a small village, fought and killed twelve great beasts from twelve different planes of existence. The beasts were, the beast of Fire, Water, Earth, Wind, Lightning, Light, Darkness, Trans dimensional, Gravity, Crystal, Illusion and Poison. Humans who witnessed his great actions showered him with glimmering gold. But his greatest action of all was having the beasts spread their knowledge and energy across the land. This energy is known as turetsu which is inside of the cells of everything on the thirteen planes, it can be used to control elements and even life. For this he was considered a god. Years went by, and the man was later called the man of twelve elements. As he got older he got a message from the inhabitants of the 12 planes. They offered him the 13th plane in which he could rule over. He accepted the offer but instead of ruling spent the rest of his life building great cities in the plane. This great man was buried in the first city to be created in the plane. It was called the royal city or better known as the city of god. A thousand years have gone by since his death and the city faces a set of problems, problems that could destroy everything. Will the cities leaders be able to stop the threats of the world or will the sympathy of one lead to the destruction of many. thoughts, comments, questions and please tell me what you think

Would make a wonderful backing story to a dungeon crawling game, especially if you incorporated the turestu energy into the mechanics. I think some plane beast could be considered harmonious; such as light/dark/illusion, and crystal/earth. Imagining the former working together as a light source, shadow, and an illusion propagated using the three entities in combination. For the earth and crystal, I infer a relation based on purity, crystal would be consider a portion of earth refined (thinking of silica here). It's a wonderful premise as is, to work off.

a big story like that needs detail and that will take time 12 worlds worth of detailed story telling well do the math and think about it

the twelve worlds arent involved two much it takes place in one but this is just how it all began and where the creatures came from

You don't have any strong characters too work off of here, and the back story seems too important. Also the concept of the beasts is a little iffy, as their powers don't seem to make sense. There's not enough development here, it sort of feels like you took 10 relatively good ideas and threw them altogether and called it a day.