The Worn-Out dating dogma.

I don't agree with the intrinsic idea of the friend zone where two people become friends for whatever reason and when one person develops romantic/lascivious feelings for the other, gets all bitter and pissed because the other doesn't reciprocate. If you like someone in that way, you should straight up ask them out on a date. I don't personally think that if you have an interest in someone you should try to be their friend first because it's inherently dishonest. Because it's not ultimately what you want as an outcome. You want a different kind of relationship than friendship and you should straight up let it be known

^^ i never did either. to me the friend zone is a girls way of saying, "no, im not into you that way and there is nothing else to say" that's how I've always thought of it, because thats what it is, lol. and i agree wholeheartedly with the last part. that's what i am talking about here. more transparency, more honesty, less beating around the bush. (i hate that phrase >.<)

Hmm i have seen that in 5 of my relationships dishonesty and defintiely cheating however the online ones didtn work because they wanted more then one guy in the end this has been slowly growing from what im seeing is that there are certain people now just using online dating as a way to simply stay with a person for awhile then move on to the next because they like to switch they do this because they know they can easily online and can rub it off as a bad date or they didnt connect

I think the distance is what kills relationships on this site :/ its hard to find someone your interested in on this site that lives in the same area as you. or let alone state. or continent haha

^^ to a point, but that shouldnt prevent it, only delay it. no reason you cant talk to someone if you are interested and especially if he or she turns out to be exactly what you were looking for, then you can make it work if you truly want it.

@xueli - The friend zone only really becomes a problem if, like you said, the party being rejected becomes bitter and openly criticizes the person that rejected them creating unnecessary drama. For a lot of guys who recognize when they've been put there by someone of the opposite sex, they don't create a big stink about it and just choose to move on. A guy cutting off contact by a significant amount or almost completely shouldn't be that surprising to a girl who has rejected that guy since their main goal was try to form a relationship in the first place. Why continue to invest time in a relationship with a girl who has no interest in you? It's just a natural defense mechanism for the guy. If you can become friends, that's great, but for a lot of guys seeing that girl they like lust after and/or complain about another guy just compounds those feelings of rejection and it's not something they want to stick around and deal with. I'm actually a big proponent of being a bit more direct when it comes to trying to form a relationship, but I also try to test the waters a bit to see if there is a chance by asking that person out on a date or see how they react around me. You can definitely tell from body language and how they act if there is genuine interest in you if you know what to look for. If I don't see it, I tend not to pursue something more direct because I don't want to make things awkward with that person.

I've been both a friend first, then girlfriend and also jumping straight into relationships. Situationally, jumping into stuff has been worse off than building a relationship first then to attempt the next level. I'm also too forward at times which seems to scare some guys. There are times where I have been asked to date but I didn't feel connected to the person enough to go with them, so I've had to turn those down. It is nice to have guys be direct with me rather than just me being direct. A lot of my relationships have been with me bringing it up and saying I wanted to date the guy. But familiarity helps too so things don't fall apart so fast.

^^ then you are a rare breed! i applaud you for taking initiative and being direct. it really is something that we need not just around here but in the world for that matter. :P

It really depends on people's experiences and personality type. I'm both shy and forward which is an odd combination usually. I'm more shy when I start out hanging around others, but I become really expressive and show my weirdness later on. I know some shy people that just stay shy and it's hard to have conversations with them, and the same goes with certain people of the opposite group. I'm mostly middle ground for things but will adjust depending on situation and such.