Mommy’s Random Thoughts

(1:36 AM Thu.) Happy New Year everyone! You should be proud of yourselves for making it to a new year‐and no, I will not be taking excuses! It doesn't matter what you did and didn't get to achieve in 2025, or did and didn't get to do. Growth-true growth-takes time, and there are so many things we often achieve that are simply unseen, and it can be hard because we want to see physical results, but sometimes the results that matter most are those invisible goals or abstract one's. I pray that in 2026 that everyone is peaceful in a way that we've never been before, that even though there may be hardships (cause in life there always is) that you matured so much that those old problems/people/situations that once moved you off of your peace, can't even shake you anymore. Applauds to everyone for thriving and growing, even if you cannot yet perceive the seeds planted in your life yet. And again, Happy New Year everyone! ❤️

(8:22 PM Wed.) I finally got to get something off my mind that's been there for awhile, and it isn't a bad thought, just something that's been there for quite a bit. Our other sister was in the shower, so I decided to bring up something I've noticed about her to our eldest sister just to see if I'm the only one who's noticed it. So, me and our eldest sister were talking about how interesting it is that people process thoughts differently, and how due to the differentiation of words/thoughts/feelings when talking, that everyone structures their sentences differently: word usage, details, etc. That topic caused us to talk about how each of our family members talk, and our other sister tends to switch between topics A LOT, yet she kind of does it in a word association kind of way. Like, she can talk about so many different things in one breath, yet connect them together like a puzzle you didn't realize fit together, or like constellations in the sky. I started to mention other quirks of our sister that I've noticed, cause that's my twin and we've shared a room/space since forever, I wanted to ask our eldest sister if she's noticed those things too. I told our eldest sister that I'm not trying to speak/claim anything over our other sister, but that sometimes I wonder if our sister is neurodivergent in some ways. I don't think my twin seems like someone that would have Autism (but I'm no doctor so what do I know? Lol), but I could see her having a high functioning ADHD (but again, I don't know much, so...grain of salt here). My twin loves rocking (which I know can be a form of comfort or regulation for some neurodivergent people) a lot...and she definitely could be a neurotypical who loves rocking (because that IS a possibility), but it's the way she does certain things that makes me smile and wonder about it. She also blows on her fingers occasionally, it's not a constant thing when she eats, but she does/can do it after touching certain foods (if not food in general). She also rubs surfaces in a rhythmic/patterned kind of way, different from the way my eldest sister or I would touch something–like, take her soft blanket as an example: she caresses it with her fingertips more so rather than fully petting/stroking it like how one may sometimes regularly feel a texture; she also does the same to our carpet and the edge of her glass cups rim when she drinks from it too. I can also do those things, and it's hard to explain when you can't see it yourself, but it's the pattern/way my twin does it that I find interesting. I never ask her that out loud because 1. She didn't ask and 2. I don't possibly want her to hyperfixate/focus on those things that I love about her and start worrying about them when they aren't bothersome, cause at the end of the day she's my sister, and those things-whether she's neurotypical/divergent-she does are HER adorably unique quirks that I adore. But...sometimes I think maybe I love watching my sister too much? XD

(12:50 PM Fri.) Good afternoon, MO! I'm not usually up/on at this time, but I woke up a bit early...for me at least (it was 10 AM) to watch over our grandma today because our dad had a surgery today. But, she only recently got up (and it's cause I went to get her dressed so our mom won't have to worry about her when coming home) and now she's downstairs listening/singing old church hymns/gospels and talking about whatever scenario her mind is coming up with. I was supposed to spend my early morning working on multiple draft stories I have, but I decided to just scroll online instead lol. Anyhow, at least grandma had a good start, cause sometimes she acts hostile some days, but not today! She let me help her get up and dressed, praise God! ❤️

(10:49 PM Fri.) God continues to be faithful. Our parents received a random $100 from a complete stranger from Cash App immediately after they finished praying, our mom is just now cooking dinner and was able to get a few snacks and drinks as well. We are having pasta and garlic bread for dinner, with pop tarts as a snack...oh, and soda (boo! I don't like it XD) as a drink, but I have water so I'm good. I just continue to think of the Bible verse, "I've never seen the righteous forsaken nor their children begging for bread." Praise be to God who is my Strongtower of refuge. ❤️

(1:10 PM Sat.) Good afternoon everyone! I already had a fairly interesting start to my day as when I checked a post I made online, there was some dude in the comments asking if I'd be his sugar baby lol. I just deleted the comment so no one but me would be the one to see it, cause if anyone I know online saw it, they'd practically set up a witch trial and burn that man alive. Other than that, it's a slow start, so I can't really complain too much. Oh! And my dad's surgery went well yesterday, he's back home and resting (as much as he can cause he keeps trying to move around). I was playing a game yesterday while my baby brother was watching (Heartopia, it's a cute game!) And in the game I have a pet Siamese cat named Clawdio (genius, I know!) and Clawdio's personality is slow and aloof...which that definitely fits. When I entered into the game, this cat SOMEHOW managed to climb onto the roof of my house (mind you that there is NO WAY for him to get up there as there's nothing for him to jump/climb on around the house, not even a tree) and was stuck up there for TWO days! Everytime I logged back in I would frantically shout Clawdio's name as if he could hear me, while also seeing if there was an unstuck button (spoiler: there wasn't). So, him being stuck up there caused his hunger levels to decrease to 1%, and the only way I could get this aloof kitty down was to destroy the roof of my house with the building option (don't know why I didn't think of that a few days ago). So now I have no roof to my home...but at least my cat is back and well fed again XD.

(7:04 PM Sat.) I'm crying over a heart that was given to me today. I haven't been doing my best internally lately...I keep doubting myself about certain things happening in my life recently and, in all honesty, just being a huge jerk to me. It's something I have been really fighting against and yesterday I just went to sleep early (for me anyway) and silently cried myself to sleep (I didn't want my sisters to hear me). Before I drifted off, I remember asking God to truly just help me with myself, because I know I am my own biggest enemy most days tbh...and I even told Him that sometimes I feel like I don't hear Him anymore or He's not listening to me (which I know isn't true, but I felt honesty with God is better since He knows it all). Today, after our mom came home from grocery shopping with our baby brother, she rushed downstairs and burst into the closet I was sitting in (cause it's cold over here recently), excitement on her face as she cups something in her hands. She tells me that she almost forgot to give this to me, but she found it after exiting the store she went to (which is truly surprising as our mom hates picking up random items from the ground outside) and really felt like I needed this item. My mom un-cups her hands and within them is a bedazzled heart (I really love hearts/heart-shaped things). It's kind of dented in one corner and is missing exactly three sparkles, to which mom apologized for giving me someone else's junk, but...she truly doesn't know how much I love it and needed it. God immediately spoke to me after my mom shut the door...He said that He always hears me and loves me. That just in the way that my mom looked at that dirty, slightly worn and busted heart on the ground but still saw the value in it, that He still sees value in me no matter how battered and weary I may feel at the moment. So, yeah, I am forever treasuring this little heart I've been gifted forever. ❤️

(1:59 AM Sun.) I was randomly thinking while I was standing in my kitchen about what I would write if I published childrens books. I mean, there's so many cute or silly stories you could do, but I really love teaching kids about more serious topics just put in a kid-friendly way. So, with that thought it mind I began to imagine a story of a little Castor Bean (where you get castor oil from). It would be a bean with cute/silly looking googly eyes drawn on it or something to really make it interesting for kids, but for those who may not know, Castor Beans have a high chance to be very dangerous to humans and animals. It contains a substance in it called Ricin, and that substance can be highly toxic and poisonous to those that don't know how to handle it properly, which bring me to the point of my story. The point of my Castor Bean story was how this little bean has been tossed around from person to person, all the wrong people at that, who always mishandled it, mistreated it or told the bean what it was based on how they perceived it due to their mishandling of it, so when (in it's defense) the little bean secreted poison and toxins, the people mishandling it threw it aside and told the Castor Bean that it was a bad one. But, along the way in the story, the Castor Bean runs into a kind herbalist, probably an older man/woman that immediately recognizes the bean for what it is and the healing properties it holds, which starts the next chapter on this herbalist showing the bean what it IS and COULD be, rather than simply telling it what it is as if it's law. Along the way, the Castor Bean moves from the herbalist to many different kinds of people, some of these people very kind but not as knowledgeable of the bean as the herbalist was, but the point of these other people is: they are willing to get to know the bean first before making preconceived notions about it. The point of the story is about many different things: how sometimes people like to tell you what you are rather than trying to show you who you could be (they never cherish the good you have, they only want to see the negative); how even though you may run into very bad people, if you allow yourself to remain open to it (the bean wasn't insistent on seeing just the bad in others because their circumstances sometimes did show them bad) you can see the good around you; it teaches that hanging around the right people grows/challenges you in ways you never expected, and that there is good and bad inside everyone. Even the Castor Bean itself still DID have the potential/means to harm others, but when the bad is all that is nurtured, that's the fruit you will see, and when the good tends to be nurtured in someone, they are more likely to do good as well. Of course that's a rough draft of the idea, it would be fleshed out more if I ever wrote a kids book, but remember to nurture the good inside yourself as well! Yes, there absolutely is/can be people in your life that positively impact you, but don't just count on them to be/do good, do it yourself so that it's not just done out of obligation, but love. ❤️