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Halloween Fails

xinmage
Sep 20, 21 at 8:51am

What Halloween catastrophe have you experienced in previous years? A party that went wacky or a costume that fell apart at the seems?

Tell of your unfortunate events.

xinmage
Sep 20, 21 at 6:03pm

So back in the day when I still wore glasses and was terribly near sighted I decided it'd be cool to dress up as Big Boss from Metal Gear Solid 3.

Fun fact, he doesn't wear glasses, but he does have an eye patch.

Now I hear some of yous say "so you wore contacts."

Hahaha, FOOL!

No. I thought it'd be fine to just brute force my way through blindness like the legendary Naked Snake would do.

I arrived on the scene to find that the venue, which was of course held at night, was inside a dimly lit barn. So as one can imagine it took extra focus to masterfully maneuver past people and furniture.

Eventually I found myself on the dance floor of this Halloween hoedown. Amazing everyone with my sick dance moves, it didn't take long for self conscience to highly recommend I take myself over to the refreshment table. I was in desperate need of something cool to take the heat of embarrassment off.

This is where the bash turned into a real monster mash!

Finally being fed up of my cursed blindness, I pulled out the prescription glasses I had kept on my person for emergencies to slide them over my eye pach and headband. For a brief moment I could sort of see!

Then leaning over to examine the punch, my glasses slid off my face and right into the bowl!

Dread at once filled me. Of course now people were beginning to line up behind me to get a drink as well.

Quickly I tempted a false recovery offering to hand out drinks for people as a cover to let me continue spooning the bowl for my glasses. Making a huge mess and an absolute fool, shit really hit the fan when one of the security guards supervising headed my direction to see what I was doing.

I SHIT YOU NOT!

In the most unbelievable stroke of luck, a buckle on my costume that was strapped too tightly broke off and flung itself across the barn.

A loud ricochet could be heard as the projectiled buckle pinged off of a pole.

The guard stopped to investigate in true Metal Gear "What was that noise?" fashion.

Wasting no time I said fuck it to myself and dipped my hand into the punch until I could feel my glasses.

Grabbing them I split for the exit as fast as I could!

It had been a short but eventful night and I was more than ready to sneak back home in shame.

However one last misfortune occurred as I was headed up the hill back to where I was parked. A vehicle was on coming towards me as I was busy cleaning my lenses. Only a near miss as the reflection of their headlights caught reflection off of the glasses' frame. To be fair I was wearing dark camouflage clothing at night in a field, so it wasn't like the driver could see me anymore than I in my infinite short sightedness.

Safe to say it was a Halloween I never forgot!

It also is what spurred me to finally get laser eye surgery.

A decision I've not regretted.

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