How do I convince idiotic people it is completely normal to wed myself

I am not normally the one to ask advice from anyone because I am, of course, all knowing. BUT you should be lucky I am considering your normie opinions.
I have come to terms that someone as beautiful and spectacular as myself does not exist, and so I have decided to get married to the only person as beautiful and spectacular as me. Myself.
But some fools have been saying things like "Ama, that doesn't even make sense!" or "Are you crazy?" which are downright disrespectful.
So, I have come to get a peasant way to explain things the way those peasants will understand. Where else would I get peasant advice than from peasants themselves? You are allowed to answer this.

You must be pretty desperate if you need advice from "peasantry".

It further proves you aren't all that much.

Build up a second persona that is an alter ego, then feign having split personality dissorder and that neither of your personalities acknowledges the existence of the other, then, ask your acquaintances to describe to each of your "personalities" how the other behaves and brings themselves to the world. Then, pretend you fell in love with such a person and claim you're gonna write to yourself in an attempt to cure yourself, thus, along the way, you can claim.to need to.marry yourself as means to cure your split personality dissorder, people will agree

there's two types of marriages: Legal and Religious. While the first has a bunch of stuff that says what you can and can't do, the second one is really only limited by your own personal beliefs. If you wish to declare yourself married to yourself, then you can. You just can't reap any legal benefit from it.