Suicide

I was in a relationship with a girl for 5 years who had severe depression and a very rare form of epilepsy. Both issues got considerably worse over the years, as we were both in school. She was a physics major(so high stress) and I was trying to become an NP. My grades started dropping fast due to the stress of being unable to help her when she went from 3-6 seizures every 8-10 weeks to having 12-20+ seizures a day for a week or two at a time. Semester to semester things got continually worse and she started to threaten suicide over every little incident; her family had called the police to our place a number of times, and she herself would disappear into the mountains for a day at a time. I lied to the police so she wouldn't be committed, as I was certain that would exacerbate her problems, since she went through that in the past. At this point I had graduated, but had told her I was going to stick around with her until she finished, as she couldn't drive and a lot times didn't do anything but exercise with me and play WoW. Eventually we decided for her to go home for a month (out of apartment living and back to her farm-like area with fresh air) to receive a new type of depression treatment as well as being able to see her family. I stayed back to work on some certifications so I could try to get some experience in my field and move into a new, better apartment as a surprise to her. And, in my idiocy, I sold off some of my bitcoins to buy a ring which I was not going to offer until she graduated. 3 weeks back home and she breaks it off with me (to be with a new guy she met at the gym) through a PM in the discord app. Worse than a text-message break up ayylmao. As any of you might imagine, I didn't take it well after putting my life on hold to make sure she could start hers (I was also close to her parents and her cats), so I stopped eating properly, exercising, and sleeping. After a bit she started to publicly mock me to our mutual friends. I started to learn that she had lied about a considerable number of [often serious]things over the years. With all of this going on, the classes I had been taking I completely flunked. I stayed in a pretty bad state for a good half a year. If I had no friends or family that would be saddened over my disappearance, things likely would have turned out differently, so I feel for the people that truly feel alone. It takes more or less to put a certain person over the edge, and suicide is rarely the rational choice, but it's just not common that people are willing to speak about having such negative thoughts. I'm usually a very logical person, but emotion can get the best of anyone--it's not about fitting arbitrary definitions of strong and weak. Anyone currently struggling, remember that things can always get better, and you've yet to experience the best things life has to offer.

I was cheated on and dumped Ooctober 21st last year and cut my wrists and over dosed and ended up in a hospital and then a mental health hospital for a week. Suicide isn't the answer I learned the hard way. My scars have faded I'm glad no man or woman is worth your life!

I blow up yesterday night, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was both mentally and physically exhausted. Thinking I just wasn't made for this fucking world. I still think i'm very weak to keep on surviving, but I'm trying for the people that care about me. I've been filling up all my time to keep me busy. thou does moments when u get to rest and notice what's actually going on, I can't help but hate it. now I understand why some people become workaholics.

I'm kinda bipolar so sometimes I just get suicidal for no reason at all. I can recount several times that I thought it over and there was nothing to worry about but I still wanted out. Most of the time tho it's mistakes coming back to haunt me from the past. Looming threats I can't take care of without some miracle in the near or far future. I always think myself to death.

After about a year of high school, I noticed everyone getting further away from me. Nobody to talk to, nobody there for me. I retreated away to just being a husk of a human being, especially in the past year. I don't have anyone irl. It's even reached the point where Ive snuck out of my house to find a branch in the forest sturdy enough to support a noose. I've constantly thought of suicide for almost the entirety of my last school year, and used self harm as a coping mechanism. Since school let out for the summer, I haven't cut myself nearly as much as before, and I've talked myself out of suicide, I think. Now I've found this place, and things seem a bit better, now that I can talk to people. I fear what will happen when school starts again though. I'm absolutely terrified by what my peers are capable of doing to me.