Romance Story WIP (Would Welcome Critiques)

((I am working on a Romance Story, if you could please read it and tell me what you think, would be absolutely wonderful.)) Snickering and gossip could be slightly be heard from the back of the classroom, it sounded like a few girls talking mischievously. No one in the classroom attempted to look back there in the case the teacher holding a packet of papers noticed someone not paying attention. But it was near impossible to ignore what was being said. “Look over there, that loser Futugawa is trying so hard to keep up with her grade.” Whispered the first girl. “I know! She is a complete idiot. She has no chance. She should just accept the fact that she is stupid and quit trying already.” The second girl exclaimed quietly. “Hey. I bet she doesn’t know the answer.” Plotted the third girl. And with that each of them came to the same conclusion. A girl with slightly longer than shoulder length hair, and light blue eyes sat diligently at her desk. Trying desperately to keep up with the teacher running the class. Just as the teacher turned to look at the class, “Does anyone know the answer to this question?” The well dressed female teacher called out. Just as the Teacher was beginning to turn, one of the three girls threw a paper ball at the girl sitting desperately trying to keep up. The girl brought her hand up to the back of her head to rub the spot that was hit, “Oh Futugawa, you’re raising your hand. What is the answer to the problem on the board?” Futugawa sat there with her eyes wide obvious that panic had overcome her, “Eeh… I-I don’t know.” She responded. Just as the girl was about to explain the teacher snapped, “If you don’t know the answer, then don’t raise your hand Futugawa!” She placed the papers in her hand on the table, “You’re going to stay after and have a discussion with me Futugawa.” She called out again. The girl merely looked down at her desk more directly, her hair creating a visual blockade to Futugawa’s face. It was apparent that she was rather upset. Yet the entire class was chuckling. Especially the three girls in the back, ‘Why do I have to be the target of the bullying?’ Futugawa thought to herself. The bell rang and the teacher told them to not forget their homework is due within the first five minutes of class. Futugawa simple sat there and paid no attention to anyone else, not even attempting to put away her notebooks and pencil in her bag. She continued to stare at the table she sat as the rest of the class shuffled out. The teacher approached her, “Why did you raise your hand when you didn’t know the answer.” Without hesitation she asked. “I-I’m sorry Nakamura-sensei. It won’t happen again.” Futugawa profusely apologized without once raising her head to look at Ms. Nakamura. Ms. Nakamura sighed, “I’m worried about you Futugawa-san. If you continue at this rate, you’re looking at being unable to pass the class this year.” She informed the girl who showed an obvious flinch, “I ju-” “T-thank you Nakamura-sensei… If I m-may take my leave now.” Futugawa interrupted her teacher, showing obvious signs of distress with the quivering stutter plaguing her monotone voice.. The Teacher frowned, “Yes you may Futugawa. Have a good day.” She followed up and promptly left the girl at her desk. Looking back as she placed her hand on the door, Ms. Nakamura sighed silently then proceeded down the hall. Futugawa could hear the steps down the hallway from Ms. Nakamura’s heels. The School was practically empty at this point as it was the final bell of the day. After a moment of just sitting there. Drops of liquid hit her thighs as the tears dropped from her face, “W-why do they a-always pick on me.” She cried out as Futugawa placed her hands on her face to let loose. The door that was left closed on the other side of the wall from where Ms. Nakamura left opened suddenly. Startling Futugawa, she turned around to look at a very well built guy. Tall and Masculine in stature. He was wearing the same grade year outfit as her, but she was certain she had never seen this person before. He turned his head to look at her, and their eyes briefly met when he noticed the twinkling light reflecting off the tears that slowly slid down her face due to the light of the sun coming through the windows, “I-I’m sorry. I thought the school was deserted by other students now!” He exclaimed with a deep tone in his voice. She quickly rubbed her eyes with her arm sleeve grabbed her bag and notebook, then ran out of the classroom out of the same door as the teacher did. Futugawa didn’t even attempt to talk to the guy nor did she look back to see if he was following her. After running out of the building and making it to the front gates did Futugawa turn her head to see if anyone was following. Yet no one was there, she sighed turning her head back around to continue walking home. It took Futugawa roughly forty five minutes to reach her home, a somewhat rundown neighborhood. She opened the door to the two bedroom apartment, sizzling could be heard from the kitchen not too far from the front door, “T-Tadai-ma…” Futugawa said with little effort and no enthusiasm. “Okaerinasai my child. How was school today?” Her mother asked. “I don’t want to talk about it, sorry Okaa-san.” She quickly retorted and rushed to her room. Futugawa’s mother frowned, “I wish she would open up, even if it is just a little bit. I feel so distant from my own child."

A nice opening to a story. I can imgaine, that Futugawa and the boy may be the couple wich the love story is about? Anyways, them meeting, with her having tears in her eyes is a good start.^^

@Akyju Thank you very much. If you have any ideas where I can improve something. Please don't hesitate. I take constructive criticism very well.

I like it! However one thing, with it being in English, I don't think you should use Japanese terms like "Tadaima" instead use just I'm home :3 same with "Okaerinasai" which is welcome home, right? My Japanese isn't all that fantastic. But anyways, some people can't understand those . Just my view point on that. But otherwise, I like it. I look forward to what happens the next time you update it.

You know what. That's honestly a good point. I felt like it just felt off, but was putting those in there more to tie in the relation to setting. I'm probably going to omit them, thank you for confirming my thought! =^w^=

Yup! It just didn't feel right :p. "Senpai" and some stuff like that is fine though, in my opinion.