Post title goes here (distance + lack of communication = a bad time)

Well hello friends, it has been a while for me. The simplistic answer as for why would be that I have been in a relationship that has kept me happy so that I don't need to have extra support in my life. That and I was a bit embarrassed about some of the things I had said in a previous post and needed to do some thinking. But now I am back for a few reasons, one because I have thought out my ideas and I think I understand now.(may post about that later) two because I am ready for some outside input into my life, three because I need to vent, four because I don't know how to express things I need to, properly, to the person I need to express them to. So, to start things off, today I realized I am depressed again. This happens from time to time, and I have for a long time now, been insulated from it because of the relationship I am in. But recently I have been feeling weird, I have been feeling a bit more stress and now it has culminated in my feeling depressed. I suppose now is the time to get into why. Well let's do just that. So I love someone who lives 6 hours ahead of me, we only talk when out timing crossed paths, and has an extremely similar personality to me. Well for now I will talk about my gripes with the talking issue. 6 hours apart has been a bit of learning but we seem to have balanced it. But now there has been another issue of the timing of when we talk. Sometimes it comes in bursts, other times there are days when I hear nothing for days. Now being this far apart, it is not an easy question to answer if the other person has any other relationships. For me I trust myself enough not to and so I trust her with the same attitude for her to have no others. But I can never know for sure, as I am not her. So since Tuesday I have not heard from her. This is somewhat to be expected actually. It takes about 3 days then I get some message. But I have been shoving off some paranoia about these things. I know I am not one to talk because I don't always send messages either. Being a natural overthinker, makes this scenario hard. However I want to take this issue gracefully, so I have not brought it up this week, I was thinking of maybe tomorrow or Saturday sending a message to check on what is going on. Because I had already sent a good morning message for Wednesday with a poke included to try and get a response, but still nothing. So I find myself a bit hurt and questioning things. Enough to the extent of dreaming of being with and having a good time with someone else. I don't know who they were in my dream, just a character my brain came up with. No qualities that were familiar, but not ones I disliked. From this I have been in a bad mood. I don't like remembering my dreams, and something like this has sent my overthinker brain scampering off into thoughts I don't want to have. So I find myself feeling a bit useless with this. On a side note. I am tired, I have been for the past week or so, I have been getting more sleep than usual but still feeling tired. I monitor how I do at work and recently, today especially, I have been forced to recognize that I am just off from my normal productivity, and my motivation for being productive is just not there. I want to just go home. I also haven't been feeling like I am 100% well. Not that I feel sick, just not 100% maybe 75%? This is what has more or less forced me to recognize my depression feelings. But at the same time I am not sure if these are causes or effects. So I hope that gives a bit of an idea as to my emotional state, and possible causes, or at least what is standing out to me. For now, I really just want to snuggle with someone who can reciprocate that love. I am lonely once again. I have identified this as a problem subconsciously, and my brain has begun to find the solution to the problem. But I don't know if I should just go along with the perceived problem. Should I just be implementing a solution when there may be no problem. These times of no communication, are hurting my heart. I have not felt my heart sore like this for a long time, and it leaves me a bit disturbed that it has become like this. Are all our plans for nought? Am I just too week to keep being there and waiting and trying to be supportive to all her issues? Am I one who is just too selfish and blind to see what is going on? I just feel too lost on this one and I do not have a good plan to fix this. The simple answer is to call it quits, but I don't want to unless I have a good reason. I try to be as understanding as possible. But I find these times of not understanding because I cannot have the communication needed to understand. Want to leave these here to try and have a small discussion or just get some input. I cannot spend too much thinking on this but I needed to do something about this before I go bonkers because of it. Sorry if I am hard to understand. Please ask if you want or need clarification. Thank you for your time and comments. Love to all.

Well, I guess I was expecting more of a result. But here I am to answer my own problems. So the point of the original post more or less was me not knowing where to begin. From that I have found what it is that is bothering me, and even outlined exactly what it is that I need to do. I know the problems and the solutions, and there is no use sitting complaining about how bad it is for me. I now must talk about what it is that I feel. I cannot sit back and expect that things will solve themselves. I know what it is I want, and I am not alone in this relationship. I am in it with her. So yes, I will have my weaknesses. But after all I know what is bothering me. Some things I just needed to say, because otherwise it would keep poisoning my thoughts. I have my worries but all in all, they will all get sorted in the end. For now, I know what words I need to use. So I will go use them. My life cannot stop because I am feeling down. And this is how I keep on going in my life. This is not just a post about me. If at all anyone gains some idea of how to do things better or differently because of me, I am happy. I know who the person I love is, and I know to trust them, untill they give me reason not to. That is how it all began anyways. Well maybe another time I will get some comments. But perhaps I guess I am First? All well. I will pop back in when I am ready or have some free time. Till then keep on keeping on. Oh and remember, get it by your hands.