Bade Billson Issue ($trange Days)

Damn, morning already *bade gets up and stretches* "Wonder what fun I'll get to have today, provided the guy behind the scenes doesn't screw me over" *bade goes to his fridge* "Hmm let's see, soda?, jello?, whiskey? How bout all three! *bade grabs the contents of his fridge and puts them in a blender* *bade then drinks his " concoction"* "Ahh, fruity, smooth, and I makes me want to vomit, what a drink". *suddenly there's a knock at the door* Oh maybe my back scratcher finally came *bade opens the door to see a delivery man in a dress???* " Want to take me to the prom" "Huh?" "I said, I need to sign for this, your Bade Billson aren't you?" "Yep, unless someone lost the copyright" "What?" "Nothing" *bade signs for the package and waves goodbye* *bade walks inside and sits down in the couch* "C'mon back scratcher, come to papa. Wait a minute, is there a clock in here??? *Bade then looks a the note attached that reads* *SURPRISE DARLING* OH CRAP!!! *bade throws the package and jumps out his window as the package explodes* *bade crawls out of the dumpster he landed in* "Great just great, now only am I homeless, but, now I smell like yesterday's leftovers. Plus, my back scratcher got destroyed in the explosion. *bade then yells the next sentence* "ALONG WITH MY HAMMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Luckily, I know the one responsible!" *bade then runs to one that is responsible* (2 Hours later) *bade shows up to a high rise club* "So, this is wear you hang out* *bade starts to think* "I must use my expert stealth skills to get in there without being detected". "Let's see, doors open, but guarded. Windows? No, fun but too much noise. Bingo air vent, I'm so smart. *bade then strangely, sneaks to a air vent on the side of the building*. *bade gets into the air vent* " eh ow c'mon Billson, man I knew I should've gone running this morning, O wait I couldn't, my apartment blew up!" *below a air duct are two guards* "You hear something?" "What, music and have dressed girls screaming, then no". "Bade then falls out of the air duct becuase it breaks" "What the!!" "Ouch, they don't make those like they used too" "Oh, guys with guns". *bade throws his hands up and " talks " with his opponents* "Why hello there, could you kind gentleman tell me where the mistress of the house is located?" "Shut up freak" *goons point guns at bade* "Oh I see, that's OK I'll find her myself, by the way, there's a bomb behind you" *guards look behind then* "What?!" *bade takes the advantage and knocks out the guards* "Hahahaha hahaha. O man I can't believe you fell for that. " Now, onward" *bade then heads down the hallway* "Now if I were a head headdress where would I spend my time, in the penthouse of course. Better find the elevators" *bade find the elevators and pushes button* "Going up" *door opens and then men with guns are inside* *bade jumps aside and hits the down button as bullets fly* "SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!" *goons are able to get out* *bade proceeds to fight them* "Stop jumping around freak"! "Stop shooting, were killing eachother!" *bade stops dodgeing and punching and there's only two left* *bade picks up two shotguns* "These could cause some damage" *bade then turns the guns around and uses them as clubs on the guards* "BY I LIKE TO BE PHYSICAL BETTER" *all guards are down dead or defeated* *bade pushes the up button again* "Ok, now going up" *door opens and there's a bomb* "Oh come on"!!! *bade runs away from the door as it explodes* "Ok mistress, I shall take the stairs" *bade finds the stairs and looks up as there are quite a few* "Oh f*** me" *bade proceeds to climb the many stairs and eventually reaches the penthouse floor* "FINALLY"! *bade stretches a little and looks at himself in a hallway mirror* "Ok, look presentable". *bade then walks to the penthouse door and kicks it open with his shotguns drawn* "LET ME SEE THEM HANDS" *there's no one inside expect a woman in a white dress with red hair at the bar drinking a glass of wine* "I was wondering when you'd get passed my security" "Well well, lady Bishop, your jugs are as big as ever I see". "And your the one who tried to roast me this morning" "Correct, on both counts. You've been a thorn in my side for far too long Mr Billson" *bade walks toward her with a shotgun still drawn* "If you hadn't tried to kill me, I could've been a pain in your other places too". "Charming" *lady Bishop walks over to him and puts a hand on his chest* "I must say, you are quite impressive, I'm having to constantly remind myself tour a menace and not a toy". " Same here you gorgeous vixen, BUT" *Bade then foot sweeps her and pins her to the ground* "You tried to kill me, and you blew up my hammers, plus you made me smell like garbage, very smelly garbage." "Are you going to kill me Mr. Billson?" "I'm. Umm. Well. I don't yet, I'm thinking about what punishment is right for you. *lady Bishop laughs and turns bade over now she's on top of him* "Well while you think of that, I've decided what I'll do with you." *bade begins to talk in his mind* (" guess this is it, I don't know whether to be scared or turned on, or both") *lady Bishop starts undoing her dress* "Whoa umm-- *bade is cut off my Bishop kissing him (Ok time skip, I don't do sex scenes but, I'm sure you can figure out what happened) (1 hour later) *both bade and Bishop are in her bed* "I've reaches my decision" "And what is that hunter" "I'm not going to kill you, becuase, I think I've broken my number one rule" *Bishop throws here arms around him* "And what rule is that?" "Becoming attached" "I have a similar rule but, I believe I'm going to break it". *bishop then kisses bade, then bade asks* "Sooo, I kinda don't have a place to stay" *bishop just laughs* "You do now darling" ("Man, this has been a weird day, but, I'm lovin it") ("Thank you writer") The End Authors note So yeah, lady tries to kill bade, bade tries to kill her, they end up in bed, decide not to kill eachother, nos bade has a woman in his life that will make him a little more sane. Crazy yes. But Bade's crazy, so it works.