Self Evaluation of the past ::

When you look back at what you used to do what are the most prominent things that come up? How do you feel about them in the present? Answers are appreciated.

I feel like I made a lot of right choices, and a small number of bad ones, of course. I was emotionally reliant on more people than I thought, and I learned everything almost the hard way, which I don't regret at all lol. I was basically overworking myself, getting the best grades I can, keeping relationships up, trying to balance out choir and swimming so I can fit everything in. I mean, I've faced times where I've worked so hard that I was on the brink of actually crying a few times. I wanted to keep my mom's expectations and honestly, I wanted to make people happy and still know my own values. I knew I would've broken if my father didn't encourage me and keep telling me that I didn't need to work so hard, and that me trying so hard makes him really proud. I was extremely emotionally dependent on my peers, my parents and sisters. Well, I still am. I look back and say, "hell yeah, I gave it my best shot and it hurt, but I did it." I'm still doing it now lol... a few regrets that I haven't gotten over and probably will never get over, but no one fully "gets over" anything, so I can just remember it, live with it, and keep trying.

Sometimes I think, wow I wasted a lot of time just working at a career that I ultimately wasn't finding fulfilling anymore. And yet when I think about the type of student I was back when I was in grade school, lazy and directionless, I don't regret it as much because I know that without those years of experiences I probably wouldn't be busting my ass in school so much now working towards a better goal. I now know, freelance isn't my thing and if I want to get better, I need to do better.