Why are we to blame?

I realized something, no matter how u protrude yourself, you will always feel cheated by life in one way or another. I use to be the quiet shy type who would never speak a word, and ive also been the confident likable asshole. Everyone preferred the asshole. I didnt necessarily change myself, i just allowed myself to be what i always was to myself. Why cant a guy be confident and not be an asshole and still be loved? Seriously

Why are we to blame? If you are referring to we as people in general blaming ourselves or others is quite common, but as most likely is the case you are referring to the people who you deem are nice and therefore dont get anybody or have one certain quality that must, in your view make women dislike you. To answer your question you are not to blame at all, in fact this whole matter could be chalked up to miscommunication at least partially. Why is it that every decent honest guy out there has to be summed up with the actions of another? Well put it simply for the sake of simplicity and being able to define our society along with groups of people we feel should fit into certain categories. Basically why is due to generalizations, very broad ones. Instead of having to take your time on the individual its more easy to just throw them in one group for something or another. Not everybody is guilty of making these generalizations at least not always but for the most part its quite hard to not make generalizations. You have to take a self reflecting attitude to things you normally write off as just applying niches or shortcuts to certain types of people as you label them. Why do women say they want a good man yet always fall for the asshole that will break their heart? This one is jaded, and understandable though. Not all women or men like tough people or all those other niches groups you apply the people that always get the relationship, nor do all women or men like nicer people. Its easy to see that because you may not have somebody and you feel yourself as relatively nice that you are wronged especially when you can link it to all the other perceptions and views about this whole widespread nice guys not getting women thing. But in reality its not because you are nice or not its just you as a person, that is not meant to sound insultive just truthful. This is going to be longer then I originally planned but if so then very well. Lets dive into this whole nice guy thing and look at it for a moment. Nice guys is a widely used term amongst many men, yet what do we define as being nice. Do we define being nice as just being nice to a women or romantic interest in general to get a person to be with us. The problem is that the whole view that since we are always being so nice apparently that we should get somebody is that it takes away something from the other person. When you try to justify that being nice means you should have a person then you are stating that girl owes you for you being nice to her and therefore if she disagrees with you then shame on her, for doing so. Shame on her for having her opinion. It takes away her value as a person in a sense. But getting back into the multiple definitions and nice guys we define ourselves as lets continue. Next up you are a nice guy just because you want to be nice to others in general. Of course we all inherently do things for our own benefit but in a simple sense these are legit nice guys why you ask? They do things for people out of morality, individual experiences that shaped them to be that way, but for the most part they do it without looking at it as a favor return system or a relationship net. Then on the other spectrum right near the nice guys looking for relationships thing, you have the nice guys who just do it because they feel like it. They dont have justification for it only thats what they feel on the matter when it comes to social interaction amongst people. However the downside here is that they as some others mentioned get grouped in with the other nice guys that are somewhat similar but still different. The bottom line is though for the most part the whole nice guy perception in relationships usually hurts the ones who view themselves to be that way via, creating a reason for them to not have to progress pretty much by them falling back on every time a relationship does not happen or breaks apart its just because they were a nice guy. It hurts everybody else as well, the ones who are legit nice guys get paired into that group but dont have the same view on being nice. Then you have the women on the other side being seen as shallow and uncaring towards nice guys when that really isnt the case. So my answer is that there are women that fall for nice guys more then you think however that does not mean all you have to do is be nice and expect to get a women. The key here is that you as a person make people interested in you. Yes being nice or being tough does attract certain crowds more when it comes to relationships. But at the end of the day, its up to you to gather interest that make you your own person. Not one that needs a relationship as the only means to make themselves happy. A relationship built around a already formed happiness in life is better off in my opinion. If people dont seem to be interested in you gather new interest and refine the old ones you have if you feel like it. Make yourself happy instead of expecting another to do all that for you. Why are we forced to pay for mistakes of another? Thats a problem with society not a problem with select individuals. Honestly theres no clear answer here for that as people we are bound to clash in social interactions. My advice as much as this merely a viewpoint is to, disregard things happening as always personal attacks against you. In reality this is just variables and odds all culminating together creating the experiences you see in life. Our communication between each other is not perfect and we are going to bump heads some moreso then others. Thats how we are like it or not. Why are we to blame? As said you are not to blame the biggest thing to blame is not a individual per say but its just our socializing between each other. If I had to pick one problem that we face as a society which effects things on a vast level. It would be instant gratification, this is a big one, it creates multiple issues that spread into ones such as this. It commonly effects relationships and how we perceive relationships should work as well.

Yu, too long, didn't read. Please sum it up in 2 paragraphs...

If a girl doesn't like you, it's not entirely your fault. There are plenty of women out there. Some guys need to be more confident and take things slow. No one likes a wimp. On the other side, no one likes a douchebag. And if you are a douchebag and a girl likes you, what does that say about the girl? Would you really want her then? People need to just be cool. Peace and love, peace and love

from my personal experience it all comes down to if they are physically attracted to you, if they are they will deal with the bs and or shyness

Why do girls tend to fall for the jerks? In my opinion, its because we feel the need break down this attitude. That the guy may be a jerk to everyone but when it comes to us, he'll start to show another side. There's that and sometimes we just like someone to argue with. Nice guys do get the girls, too. I don't believe that they always come last.

I think you guys are confused about what traits women look for in potiental guys they want to date. First off, it's not fair that you think girls go for the assholes, heck, I've known nice guys that turned out to be some of the biggest jerks in the world. The problem with guys is that they want to have a reason for why girls reject them and it always has something to do with personality. Sure, EVERYONE wants to find someone they have good chemistry and are attracted too, but did you ever stop to think that some girls reject guys cause they might have just come out of a bad relationship or might be crushing on someone else, these are just a couple of examples. This doesn't automatically make you friendzoned, it could just mean not right now. But of course, that isn't the case and most guys wind up saying its a girls preference to dating assholes or something like that. I mean I'm a girl and I don't wanna end up with an asshole. Do you think every guy I've liked dated me? No. So that doesn't mean the girl they chose is some slutty, skinny, bitch just cause they didn't want to go out with me. Instead of taking it the wrong way, just let it slide and move on to the next fish cause every tupperware container has a matching lid