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Any help for the friend but never the girls friend?

liltakame
Um, okay so I don't mean for this to sound like an "oh, poor me" thing, so forgive me if it does, but I've always gotten that. I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me (more then I can count), but it seems to rear up every time I fall for someone. Here's how it goes: I fall for a person soon after we become good friends because I actually know things about them. (The longest time took about a month.) I work up the guts to tell them, which takes a while because I get this crippling fear that they'll HATE me if I tell they my feels. When I tell them, though, they tell me that they like me only as a friend or a sister. One time they even laughed at me and said I was funny since they "could never fall for a girl like me. But you're a GREAT friend." I did have two that didn't follow this whole play but were similar. One was my best friend at one time and it took me years to tell her, and she used my emotions against me, keeping me on the line, where I waited for her to have a bad break up to comfort her like a rebound girl. Eventually, I called her on it, and she laughed in my face before basically calling me stupid for ever believing her. (We no longer talk. She was... bad for me for other reasons too.) The other one, I got up the guts around the end of January (bad timing, I guess.). They said yes and I was on cloud nine until right before they went to bed on Febuary 14th, when they called me to break up, giving the for mentioned "friend talk". They accidently let it slip that they had only said yes so they wouldn't be alone on Valentines day, which is just wrong in my mind, but... -nervous laughs- Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with it 'cause I don't know if I can take much more of it? And does this happen to anyone else, or is there something just wrong with me that I don't see?
jikokun
Be upfront with a girl how you feel when you feel it. As much as they like to believe so, they're not psychics. If you wait too long, theyll see you more as a friend than anything. Don't be a pussy when you start to have feelings. Man up, grow a set and let them know. What's the worse that will happen?
kain_karasu
Yo, Jiko...she's a she...
liltakame
Yeeeah, so "man up" and "being a pussy" are poor word choices, but I do understand what you mean, Jikoshy. Just because I have one, doesn't mean I have to be one. It just takes me along time to be even able to tell them. Sometimes when I try, no matter the gender, I get so tongue tied, I can't say anything. It also doesn't help that I've seen so many friends lose friends because they told them the had a crush on them. Thank you, though.
jikokun
It's a turn of phrase. If you want something, you go for it. If you lose them over it, it never was worth their friendship in the first place. Real friends wouldn't leave you over trivial shit like denial of relationship. Maybe a poor choice of words, but you got my point, and that's all that matters. Now take my advice, get in there, keep your head up, and just do it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and you will end up living in a sea of regret.
amrodcalanor
#yolo ;D I hate myself for saying that :(
rainx
For starters, you do deserve kudos for being a girl and actually being the one to confess. SO MANY TIMES it's the mans responsibility to ask the girl out or confess their feelings and it's a nice change of pace to see some girls being willing to do the same. As far as advice, you're honestly doing all you can. This goes for both guys and girls who confess, but you're definitely taking a risk by wearing your heart on your sleeve and stepping over the plutonic line and going for something more intimate like an actual bf/gf relationship. Sometimes it works out where you still remain friends, but a lot of the time it doesn't. As I said before, for a lot of guys at least, they don't want to continue pursuing a relationship with someone who doesn't like them the same way nor do they want to be around you when you are dating someone else because it's too painful to see you be with another person. Some guys are okay staying friends, others aren't. My post wasn't meant to be a debbie downer on anything, but it's just the reality of things when you take that risk. All you can do is tell them how you feel and hope it works out. You can sometimes get a good idea of if they might be interested just by them contacting you a lot, wanting to spend time with you, etc. But it's not always 100% indicative of interest.
leo_ss
Well for one they aren't very good friends or as good as you think they are if they laugh in your when you confess, That's quite low. Now I'm not saying if their a good person they'll automatically say yes, Because it doesn't. But it does mean they won't laugh at or degrade you for doing so. You're already confessing yourself so your better then many people in that regard, But you should do it pretty soon after you certain of your feelings. Look at it this way if they say no, Okay then why wait to ask them if it's just turning you into a nervous wreck, and if they say yes then VICTORY. Fear of rejection is worse then rejection, The quicker you learn this the better. Remember every time someone says no that's one less person you have to go through to find the guy or girl for you. There's a person for everyone don't worry, that's for certain and when your feeling down about your position just remember their are many people in worse and go on anyways, So you can aswell. Never give up, I think anime teaches this message, But it's true. Sure you may not find someone now, or maybe not even half a decade from now, But if you keep trying, you will, Of that I am certain. There is many things wrong with us all, If we only saw faults then we'd never love anyone. Just asking this question, tells me many things about you, Your humble enough to ask instead of demand and think your better then others, Your insecure about yourself, Learn to be pride of yourself it will help you make friends and potential lovers easier, Your a good person after all I can tell, My guts telling me that much so I'm certain 100% that if you keep trying you'll find someone. Now that's not to say disregard you faults, Everyone should try to better themselves, But you only see faults in others, so that should also mean that you shouldn't only look at the faults that you have. Be proud of who you are and your good qualities and even if it doesn't seem at times like you don't have many, Trust me you do. Hoped I helped some and if not ehh well I guess I better try harder, I wish you good tidings and luck in your desires.
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