Girlfriend advice needed.

I want to open up the floor to my situation. I been away from me this forum for quite some time. Mainly cause I have a girlfriend and my time has been cut short. So situation is some what cloudy to me. We almost been together for a year. We live together. I am 27 she is 22 about to be 23. We get along most of the time however, when ever we talk about improving her situation. Her situation is she can't decide on a career path or stabilize her finances. I been supporting us and it took a couple of months for her to get a job. She has one now but isn't making many hours. When I talk to her I always advice her to try new things and explore to get a feel for the type of things she might like. She just gets depressed and sulks. She is always getting upset any time I have constructed criticism. It feels like this person won't ever succeed at anything and will always rely on me to keep us a float. It has been making things stressful for the two of us. About the only thing keeping the relationship together is when ever we work on things together or have sex. I know I can hope to give a complete description of the situation. But based on what I have shared does anyone have any thoughts?

She's a sweet girl but has confidence issues and is self concious about her appearance. She refuses to learn things that are important like driving in the snow or learning to drive in the highway. She doesn't make friends and is difficult if you get something wrong. She always blames me even if I am not at fault and finds extremely difficult to forgive and forget.

Everything is the end of the world . She can't deal with any situation changing on here. That ruins her day and she can't adjust or adapt. That will tip her off for the rest of the day. She is very creative and talented at drawing and scrapbooking. Loves baking and sweets. She loves to cook and creates awesome dishes. Guess I just wanted to show both sides of her to paint the picture a little better.

I don't think you should let the sex be the main thing that helps keep a relationship together because that most likely will not work in the long run. It sounds like, however, that when you guys are able to work on improving things together it helps a bit more so maybe the best thing to do is to continue to do that and instead of always mentioning how she could always improve just let her know she's doing a good job and that you are supportive of what she chooses to do. I'm not saying ignore the fact she still has things she could work on (but hey we all do), but rather help her get there. For example, when it comes to driving in the snow or something you can always try easing her into those things by possibly just taking the time when you'd drive back from the grocery store or something simple and just mention you aren't feeling too well and if she can do that. Just try not to be too pushy and force her out of a comfort zone. I think you guys share some problems most couples would probably come across and I think the best thing to do is just support her as best you can so she can gradually become more confident in herself. Sorry, I probably could've done a better job with my advice but I hope what I said at least made sense.

Being a person with depression, I can understand why she is this way. She may feel defensive probably when you talk about doing things to improve her situation. This is probably because she feels like you're criticizing her. You aren't, you're trying to help her. But, her depression is really making her perception different. The thing is, depression makes you perceive things to be more negative than it actually is, and that there isn't much hope in doing anything. Depression causes a person to feel less confident in themselves. Also, they stop trusting their ability to make decisions, and feel incompetent. She may feel all kinds of things and not really be telling you about it. Be gentle, ask things, and listen to her. Be encouraging, caring, and supportive. Build up her confidence. Ask her how she feels, too. Also, she may be the type that likes to just have someone listen rather than suggest things... so try to just listen when she's telling you how she feels. Like if she says "I'm feeling sad and hopeless." Of course, tell her "I don't want you to feel sad and hopeless. You're a really creative and talented person, and you have a lot of potential. You shouldn't feel that way." cause sometimes it's just they need to hear certain things. But, also maybe ask her "Why do you feel that way?" Sometimes they know the answer, but don't be disappointed if they can't give you an answer, also do ask, "Is there something that I can do?" She will at least appreciate that you've asked. Also, don't be disappointed if she says she doesn't know or nothing, just let her know you'd like to help her if she needs you. It seems like the other comments are pretty good as well. Tell her how you like her cooking very much, that she's good at baking, and very creative. Also, ask her how she feels about her job, and what she feels like doing in the future. Even maybe suggest a degree in culinary sciences or something if she enjoys to cook and bake. Considering her work schedule she can probably work and go to school. Being able to have something to do and focus on will probably be good for her. It's not good for someone with depression to just sit around the house all day. It makes them stagnant, it's bad for their brain because they need to be stimulated. Also, on the standpoint of relationship advice. Do you both go out and do things? Maybe go for a walk together, have dinner or make dinner together at home, watch a movie, something like that. Doing something together is stimulating, and also for the two of you it would probably make you closer. Even stuff that seems mundane like doing laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping when done together is a good start. It's the fact that you're doing something stimulating that helps, and she may realize she is completely competent and capable on her own in doing them with you. Be encouraging. :) I hope it helps.

Art school or culinary school. If she enjoys drawing and baking, one of those things might be her path. I can't say much about her as a person, even though you described her. So I will focus on the advice to help her find a career path. Let her know it's okay if she doesn't know what she wants to do with her life. She's only 22 and that's still very young. It doesn't come easily to some as it does to others. Let her know it's okay to fail sometimes as well. Encourage her to speak up to her manager to see if she can get a bit more hours at work. That will bring in more money and keep her a bit occupied until the next semester for schools come up. If anything, she can just go to a community college nearby. Help her decide on a major, and if in the long wrong she doesn't like it then she can always switch it. Google up some schools with her, and help her apply and also apply for financial aid. Let her know that she's not "too old" to be a freshman in college. Some people feel that way when they don't go to college straight out of high school. But it's never too late to start. At school she can make friends. And with more hours at work, she'll have more time to interact with new people. Once she's busy, her depression will wear down because she won't have time to sit around and sulk. And it may even improve your relationship. Also, lol keep having sex cause sex is awesome! Good luck! :)

Sex is really good. Sr, that's why I like you. You get it, Rika. But don't let it be the only thing. As said before, encourage her to go back took school. Even a 2 year degree is better than having nothing. Depending on what she likes, I'm sure her community college supports it. Grants are easy, and books can be cheap if you but used. But yeah. Things will work out. Keep on with the whole sex thing and encourage her for school. But more about the school part. Unless you like sex. But even still, school. Yes. Do it. Now.

^_^ epic responses. Yes I agree with your course of actions partly because I have been doing all of the things you all mentioned. She doesn't respond to any of it and I have suggested schools etc... I also understand she doesn't sort things out easily so I am being patient and understanding. The part about the sex is just a small concern because I sometimes feel that's all she's in love with. I want to make sure she truly loves me and that is not just about the physical. Now the reason I brought this topic into play is because I wanted to spark conversations to find hints of things I might have overlooked. It is working I got some pretty good female perspectives. I been having a hard time seeing things from her point of view.

I know everyone is suggesting to tell her to go to school but remember, school and things like that aren't exactly for everyone. So if she doesn't really like you suggesting it you should probably find something else you know she'll enjoy doing and that will be productive and try to do more of those things with her to help give her that confidence she needs. I'm sure she appreciates that you care and it may be hard for her to show it at times because she seems to not really know 100% what she wants to do or be as a person.