ECL1PSE

I just lost my best friend of 8 years over a complicated relationship.... she had just been through a miscarriage and a hard break up with the would be father...... I've always had a secret crush on her when I was 15... but it slowly evolved into me falling in complete love with her....... I gave her everything..... we cried together...... she told me she loved me, but later to try to ignore that..... turns out the whole time they were messaging each other about getting back together........ She is the one for me and I have no idea what to do other than wait...... I have been crying myself to sleep every night for 2 weeks now.... I hate this... I'm 23 and had never really been in a real relationship with anyone to be honest.... It took so much time for me to finally tell her how I felt about her after all these years of knowing each other..... (Probably because I have the lowest self confidence/self-esteem of any person I know......)And I thought that she felt the same way.... and part of me likes to feel that she still does.... but it hurts bad... and now she doesn't even know if she can be my friend anymore.....:(