hagane63

Why did I write this post? I feel like I need to tell someone.. Im sorry for such a childlish post… How do I start? When I first read what this guy in my physics department wrote, I believe my judgement holds true when I say, his writing truly stuns me when I saw it the first time. I was so amazed, so caught off guard I didn’t even get to be envious of how well he writes. I read voraciously, or at least was, of the classics shelf in my high school years and as I also wrote myself, winning several writing contests (with great help for my many errors in grammars/tenses as seen in this post), so I believe my taste wouldn’t have been so saturated by now. But up to that point, he was not yet in my head. However, he shot up in my admiration list. Until one day, I met him in the library, because he has went there almost everyday I am sure, he would’ve been a much better help than the library’s OPAC. Searching for a book in my Chemistry course, we talked a lot. It was since that day, I was enthralled by him. How he talked about drawing, the comic industry, it’s been so long since I’ve talked with someone who understands. How he was the youngest of three siblings of how he felt overshadowed by his brother’s talent and his sister’s diligence, and I can tell how he never rest, to reach the level of those two, it made me wonder why he told me these things. And how he said jokingly that someone could ease his study burden, why did he mean by this? What do I make of this, I wonder. He lends me books, gave me a calculator when mine was broken, and noticed when I was down, even the slightest furrow of my brow, he notices it, and asks. He made me feel like my old self, being able to talk about art, about deeper things, and I felt we connect because he just gets so many things that other people don’t understand. Intelligent in his sciences and creative in many ways, I admire that he doesn’t see that in himself, and proceeded in a humble manner. Since that time, he was always in my head. Every single day, increasing ever since. He said, he wrote because he couldn't draw well, and if he could've drawn as I did, he would be in America chasing his dream as a comic book artist. But he remains here, studying physics in the same department as I am, reading book to books, unknowing to everyone that he probably read beyond the grade we are in. He is smart but diligent, as he proceeds with his studies, he also likes to discuss on the possibility of things. He likes books and writing, and he is diligent. I am amazed at him, how could I not? He did his economics degree in a private university in another city at night, while doing a physics degree in one of the best university in our country at day. He just graduated with his bachelors in 3 years, just a week ago, when we are both just one year a part. My question is, why is he stuck in my head? I feel happy when I see him, but I don’t imagine kissing him. I feel excited and I want to meet him to talk about various things. Is it because I admire him, or is it the nostalgic feeling of being able to talk about things I haven’t been able to for years? Is it maybe because we both like writing, anime, manga, physics, and talk about people interactions in the same wavelength? Is it because he always comes up with clever stimulations for my learning? Is it because I never met someone like that before? How do I know If I liked someone? Why do I search for clues If he liked me? Why does everything he does I feel concerned, how he feels, what he talks about, why is it all stuck in my head? How do I know this is some platonic fascination or is it something more? Why does he matter so much that I even wrote this post? As an ENTP, don't know how valid that is, like people of this kin is usually described..I feel a great disconnect with emotion that these things truly, truly bothers me. And since this is an otaku forum, how sad would it be if he found out of this post.. Thanks for reading this nonsensical garbage, really..