Although I try not to, I constantly think of myself as the very definition of a terrible human being. I'm reclusive, exploitative, and I'm down right evil at times. There are times where I would like to be alone and slam the gates to the outside air. I tend to not talk very much unless somebody approaches me and talks to me firsthand.
Even with all my faults I suppose I'm still a half decent person, or so I'm told. I can be kind to others and I find joy in doing so. I always pour my heart and soul into those I love and the things I do. I believe I have a soft black heart. I can be cruel and menacing, yet at the same time I can be sweet and sympathetic. It's an odd paradox that still needs some explanation. I may lash out at an offense, then moments later apologize and think through it logically and rationally. I'm passionate about things, more so than most others. I devote myself to things. Small details. Whims. I'm the type of person that can and will make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Constantly day by day I beat myself up. I don't hurt myself mentally because I specifically hate myself per say, I just dwell on attributes and variables that can drive me insane. I want to improve myself. I think analyzing every piece in a situation and having time to think over each is the right way to go, leaving no stone unturned.
I'm not perfect, in fact I'm no where near it. Nobody is no matter how much they devote themselves to perfection. Perfection is an unachievable goal. As do I, we all try our best to be as close as we can to it. Personally I want to be somebody people want to hang around with but I can never find the courage to do so. I have no sense of pace in relationships, including friendships. If I do something that offends you please point it out to me. I want to be a better person than I am.
Honestly through joining MaiOtaku I would like to meet new people to talk too and get a different view of life as a whole. I've trapped myself into my own state of mind for too long and I need to breathe. I may not be not super open about some things yet, but I am trying to open my buds. Relationships and Dating are fine with me. If you are interested send me a message and I'll think about it. I don't want to get into something too serious though, mainly because I would like to fight shy of heartbreaks, even though in the end overwhelming distress will make us stronger. In this world no pain means no gain. Sometimes that pain comes from a nail a little too sharp; this I'd like to avoid.
Sometimes I believe that I'm the kind of the person that has a lot to say and give, yet I have absolutely nobody to give it to or figure out how I should say it. I feel as if I have something to do and somewhere to be, I just haven't found the specific answers to those questions yet. I'm still finding out who I am. I've only been on the surface world for about 18 years now, going on 19. I'm not on a predefined schedule. I don't know who I will become in the following years. I may change drastically or be the same person I am today... Only time will tell.
If you want to talk to me you may send me a message or write on my profile. I'll reply if I take interest in speaking with you. If I don't respond you are welcome to send something else. Please note I'm not always the best at responding to people or holding conversations with others.
Even with all my faults I suppose I'm still a half decent person, or so I'm told. I can be kind to others and I find joy in doing so. I always pour my heart and soul into those I love and the things I do. I believe I have a soft black heart. I can be cruel and menacing, yet at the same time I can be sweet and sympathetic. It's an odd paradox that still needs some explanation. I may lash out at an offense, then moments later apologize and think through it logically and rationally. I'm passionate about things, more so than most others. I devote myself to things. Small details. Whims. I'm the type of person that can and will make a mountain out of a mole hill.
Constantly day by day I beat myself up. I don't hurt myself mentally because I specifically hate myself per say, I just dwell on attributes and variables that can drive me insane. I want to improve myself. I think analyzing every piece in a situation and having time to think over each is the right way to go, leaving no stone unturned.
I'm not perfect, in fact I'm no where near it. Nobody is no matter how much they devote themselves to perfection. Perfection is an unachievable goal. As do I, we all try our best to be as close as we can to it. Personally I want to be somebody people want to hang around with but I can never find the courage to do so. I have no sense of pace in relationships, including friendships. If I do something that offends you please point it out to me. I want to be a better person than I am.
Honestly through joining MaiOtaku I would like to meet new people to talk too and get a different view of life as a whole. I've trapped myself into my own state of mind for too long and I need to breathe. I may not be not super open about some things yet, but I am trying to open my buds. Relationships and Dating are fine with me. If you are interested send me a message and I'll think about it. I don't want to get into something too serious though, mainly because I would like to fight shy of heartbreaks, even though in the end overwhelming distress will make us stronger. In this world no pain means no gain. Sometimes that pain comes from a nail a little too sharp; this I'd like to avoid.
Sometimes I believe that I'm the kind of the person that has a lot to say and give, yet I have absolutely nobody to give it to or figure out how I should say it. I feel as if I have something to do and somewhere to be, I just haven't found the specific answers to those questions yet. I'm still finding out who I am. I've only been on the surface world for about 18 years now, going on 19. I'm not on a predefined schedule. I don't know who I will become in the following years. I may change drastically or be the same person I am today... Only time will tell.
If you want to talk to me you may send me a message or write on my profile. I'll reply if I take interest in speaking with you. If I don't respond you are welcome to send something else. Please note I'm not always the best at responding to people or holding conversations with others.
