Confessions

thanks for the interest/ advice in my first post and my most recent one guys i took a 2 day break from the situation to clear my head went out with my fiend and saw ant man and had a decent day for a change i also talked to my mom about it and oddly enough i think i finally understand what needs to be done in order to make or break the relationship ... when i met her we were both in college she was studying nursing and she was going to the gym back then she had a purpose in life she wanted to be someone she had goals but her life at home has always been rough her and her mom argue on a regular basis the lady gets physical with her sometimes she her dad has never been there for her other then to keep tabs on her mom since they are divorced i was never hit by my parents but mom and dad have a very toxic relationship and they are still together so i still have to deal with nonsense on the regular so i guess we bonded over that because we are both stuck in a similar situation unable to escape because even though we are both adults we were born disable and raised on the belief that a normal independent life for us would be impossible due to our conditions but even so, there we were doing our best getting our shit together trying to make the best out our lives i was happy to see her try to make something out of herself regardless of what everyone else thought but then she gave up she started failing classes she lost an internship she just said fuck it so her mom stop paying for classes and i have been trying to get her back on track ever since i got into a relationship with her to be kind of a support system because she needed to have someone in her life who believed in her since it seen like no one ever did but after she quit on her goals she became less interesting to be instead of making me proud of her she started to annoy me bit by bit because all she started doing was complaining about how her mom would get angry at her because she no longer does anything anymore but lay in bed all day and how her friends dont talk to her anymore because they are too busy with life and how she feels all alone empty like she is missing something so i told her why not go back to school ill pay for you classes so you can feel useful again she said no first she said her mom wouldn't allow it and that she wasn't comfortable taking money from me meanwhile here she is taking money from me every time we go out or she runs out of makeup or she wants to get her hair done i dont care about the money the thing that gets me is that she is ok with me giving her money for things yet she won't let me pay for her education i would ask her about it and she would always find a way around because i believe she doesn't really want to make a change for herself she has grown lazy repetitive and uninteresting she doesn't even do her makeup anymore i feel like the person i fell in love with is gone and whats left is a selfish lazy conformist who lives in this little bubble where im supposed to do whatever she wants because she thinks we are gonna be together forever and she will become a famous youtuber and make lots of money but she doesn't even have a youtube channel she has created this unrealistic expectations for herself because she can't face the realization that she no longer has any goals in life and she just keeps making excuses in order to remain unproductive meanwhile expecting me to feel the same way i did when we first met and is honestly really hard to feel that way when most of the qualities i fell in love with are gone i still care about her a lot but im not as invested as i was when we first met most of our conversations feel dull and repetitive even childish at times and i honestly don't wanna answer her text anymore because it just leads to shallow conversations about nothing i just wish that she would find a passion in life whatever it might be i just sick of her being at home letting her life go to waste. so i have decided to sit down with her next week and have a serious talk about what it is that she wants out of life im going to be completely supportive of whatever she wants to do i just want an answer so that i would know that she still has some kind of hopes and dreams something that drives her but if she doesn't im done because im not gonna be invested in a relationship with some who is satisfied in life with just simply existing without purpose. well with that said if worse come to worse i wont completely abandon her because she doesn't really have that many people she can count on i just dont think she should have such a big role in my life if she can't keep me emotionally stimulated.

im typing on my phone mostly as a way to clear my head sorry if its kind of a mess to read but i guess it reflects the state my mind is in at the moment

How did u even do that??? : O My longest was 2 hrs, but 6hrs!!! How??? Is that even possible ?